What's the best way to handle the grooms guest list thats WAY too big?

Question

The grooms mother was informed that the brides side would be inviting around 100 guests, and since the groom has a larger extended family, it would be appreciated it if their list was closer to 150.

The guest list was asked for a number of times, and finally received some 6 months after the engagement and 3 months before the wedding.

The mother of the groom informed the mother of the bride the list would be 180 (to the MOB's disappointment), and that she (the MOG) was still working on it.

The list was finally received today. The grooms guest list is 250 guests to the brides 110. The MOG insisted to her son that all the guests are close to the family, and all deserve to attend her son's wedding. The bride is beside herself. The groom is furious.

What's the Mother of the Bride to do?

Money will be offered. The problem is that the wedding turned into an event much larger than the brides family wanted. The brides family could invite more people, but actually intended on a wedding of approximately 200-250 people. It's nearing 400 with a ratio of higher than 2-1 in favor of the groom. The grooms guest list incorporates too many neighbors and family friends.

Answer 1

You have several choices.

1) In a perfect world...do nothing, this way everyone stays happy and the marriage can start off on the right foot. Wait and see how many people say yes.

2) Ask the MOG to pay for the additional 100 people.

Answer 2

Well, it really depends on what the heart of the matter is. If it's totally a money thing and you dont MIND having a 400-guest wedding, then explain that your funding allows for them to invite 150 people. Any more than that, they will need to fork over payment for.

If the issue is that you really wanted a more intimate wedding, then just put your foot down that the guest list MUST be cut down. The bride, groom and MOG should all sit down together and work out ways to cut the list. Come up with a non-biased criteria for cutting the list. For example, anyone you see less than twice a year should be eliminated. Anyone that you don't send Christmas cards to, etc. etc. Work together so that MOG's feeling aren't hurt, but the list still gets cut. Explain that you don't want the wedding to be a show, but more of just a special day with CLOSE friends and family.

Good luck!

Answer 3

Oh dear. What a sticky situation.

The MOB should inform the MOG that the guest list must be limited to 160 (being fair that the Bride's side added 10 to the original 100 limit).
Inform the MOG that the budget has already being set and that you will be unable to accomodate a group larger than 260. Be clear to inform her that if the groom's side insists of having a guest list in excess of 160, their financial support is expected.
Tell her that the cost per person will be $X and that 20 guests more will cost HER $X. Tell her that you need the check by X date.
Tell her that the couple wishes to keep the event maneageable and as intimate as possible.

See how quick the guest list is reduced.

Good luck

Answer 4

The groom should sit down with his mother, and kindly but FIRMLY say, "Mom, our budget/venue space only allows for you to invite 150 people. Please cut the list down, or else Bride and I will have to do it. I want to be fair, but we've told you numerous times that 150 is the absolute limit."

If the only issue is the budget, tell the MOG that she can invite as many people as she wants, as long as you get the money for them up front. If the issue is space, then there's nothing that can be done ... occupancy codes are in place for a reason.

If the MOG refuses to cooperate, then the groom can either cut the list himself, or start from stratch and invite the 150 people from his side that he feels should be there. The MOG may get mad, but she was told many times that 150 was her limit.

The important thing here is for the groom to stick up for his bride and his mother-in-law. This is HIS mother, so he shouldn't just pawn the dirty work off on the other two women. That'll just lead to a messy catfight, and MOG will still be swooning over her Precious Little Boy who's done nothing wrong.

And frankly, I would be quite reluctant to support my daughter marrying a man who wouldn't defend her, and who would throw her to the wolves whenever he got the chance.

Answer 5

I'm TOTALLY confused? Why are the parents of the bride and groom running the show? This is supposed to be handeled by the them. What are they going to do, have their moms pick out their house and raise their children, too? They really need to tell the moms that they need to back down. Have them go over the list and make any adjustments needed. And whoever went over the limit needs to cough up the money. The bride and groom really need to step up and take charge of their lives for themselves, or they aren't ready to get married.

Answer 6

Simply tell the MOG thet you have budgeted for a certain number on the grooms side and they will need to trim the list. Family and close friends should be included not neighbors and occasional friends.

Answer 7

Yes, I agree with the answer above. My friend's sister just got married and the same exact thing happend but the MOG insisted that everything should be split down the middle and I can't believe it was.
In this case, 140 guests is a huge difference. MOG and FOG should pay for that.

Answer 8

what you both need to do is make 3 lists. . .ppl you have to invite. . .ppl you would like to invite. . .and people you should invite but dont have to. Then up to the BRIDE and GROOM pick what you can afford or stick to a number you both want.

me and my fiance had this problem cuz his parents are divorsed and remarried. and we both only wanted 200-250 ppl. with all list together mine was 250 and his was 300 but we stuck with family and close friends.

Answer 9

I would simply tell her that your budget was for 150 people on the grooms side. If however she can fork over the extra expense for these guests (before inviting them) then I would try and accommodate her. But be clear on this and don't let yourself be bullied into doing something that can't be afforded.

Answer 10

It was very rude and arrogant of them but I'm not sure what you could do that wouldn't make things worse for the next 50 years. If they are offering money to pay for the additional people then it seems okay.