So I've been engaged to my amazing fiancee for several months, and we were planning on getting married next June. However, I just found out a few weeks ago that I'm pregnant. We're both really excited about it, but the doc said my tentative due date is mid April. The more I think about it, the more I'd love to set our wedding back a year, and wait until our daughter/son could be a part of it (ring bearer or flower girl), but we're getting some crap from both of our families about it, saying we're just making excuses and not wanting to make serious commitments. I think starting a family in itself is a huge commitment, maybe even bigger than getting married, what do you think about it?
2007-09-05 09:15:35 · 26 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
Having a wedding is very stressful!!! If you don't think you can handle it...WAIT!!!
It is totally up to you and your fiance.
2007-09-05 09:21:25 · answer #1 · answered by shay 3 · 1⤊ 3⤋
you have so many answers that are totally for or against the idea; I see some options for you ;
1:-as you have already planned on marrying - move the date forward (maybe to January & keep things small - immediate family & close friends) this gives you some time to then focus on the forthcoming birth
2:- keep to the original date - but consider having a small celebration ( much less stress that way)
3:- move the date back a few months
4:-ELOPE now
ultimately the decision is that of you & your fiance regardless of what anyone else thinks.
I agree that starting a family is a HUGE committment in itself & that you need time to adjust to being a **family** - however if you have already been living together than you have at least had some time just as a *couple**
Also re:- the WEDDING;; having a big celebration does not make you any more married than a small celebration.
the reception following the ceremony is ONLY a celebration of your union- the marriage is your vows to each other ; signing the certificate before an auhtorised person & having that duly witnessed according to your local laws.
CONGRATULATIONS on both your child & forthcoming marriage
2007-09-05 20:28:57 · answer #2 · answered by fairypelican 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I think that even if you push your wedding back a year that your son or daughter would still be a little young to be a flower girl or ring bearer. I think you should just go ahead with the date planned and your son or daughter can still be a flower girl or ring bearer without actually walking down the aisle. Good luck and congratulations on both the wedding and the baby!
2007-09-09 04:54:22 · answer #3 · answered by Emily G 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
how can a 1 year old be a flower girl or ring bearer? you would be pushing the wedding back a few years for that. personally I wouldnt wait though. I would want to be married before I started popping out kids. its your choice though. starting a family is a big commitment...but unless this was planned (and I dont think it was) then its not really a commintment you decided to take on...its one your taking on becuase you kind of have to. make the commintment to start a real family for your child...one wherer mommy and daddy are married. if you decide to wait you might be putting it off for a long time becuase with having the child, you'll always be too busy...or not enough money...or its just not important right now. plan while you can...get things done then you'll have time for the baby.
2007-09-05 11:29:12 · answer #4 · answered by Jenn ♥Cadence Jade's mum♥ 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Moving the wedding up would be better for everyone, including baby. Maybe consider having a more simple wedding because once baby arrives, that is where all your energy and money is going.
If you put off your wedding until the child is old enough to participate, you'll just end up pushing the wedding date back over and over. So do the hospital a favor and get married now so they only have to remember one last name instead of two.
I also totally agree with Karin C, it is just plain selfish to put your own vanity ahead of the welfare of your child.
2007-09-05 10:51:11 · answer #5 · answered by germaine_87313 7 · 4⤊ 0⤋
You get married NOW, as soon as possible, so your baby is born to a family with married parents. Because circumstances have changed, you need to change the plans too. Concentrate on being a mom now, not on planning a big wedding. Just have something small, with family and close friends.
Ah, your families are right.
2007-09-06 02:35:42 · answer #6 · answered by Lydia 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
First off, I want to say what you want to do is fine. You, your fiance, and now your child's happiness is what's most important. Don't worry about everyone else.
Secondly, an alternative to help EVERYONE be satisfied is to just get legally married, like by a Justice of the Peace, and then in a year you can have the big ceremony and reception.
You have to put your child first now. And if you spend money on a wedding right now, you won't be able to have as much to spend for your child. That's another thing to consider. If you wait to do the ceremony and reception another year, it gives you more time to save up.
2007-09-05 13:55:40 · answer #7 · answered by BlackDahlia 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Your baby will be part of the wedding even if it's not a ring bearer or flower girl, and by a year the baby will not really be able to be a ring bearer/ flower girl- way to young. But it is your wedding so it's up to you (and I can see how it would be stressful if its only a month and half) But really decide what you want to do and go for it.
2007-09-05 09:31:36 · answer #8 · answered by Nikki 1 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Get married first before having a baby, that is the proper thing, no matter what anyone else says. Society has become very sloppy about having babies.
By the time the baby is born, you probably won't even want to get married anymore, so if you already are, you will have done the right thing.
2007-09-06 03:44:36 · answer #9 · answered by danashelchan 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I think that the first person you two need to consider is your unborn child. And for your child's sake, you should marry ASAP.
Marriage offers legal protections to the child and the parents of the child that are not conferred any other way. Should your fiancee get killed/disabled (god forbid!) before you get married, it is much more difficult to arrange for the child to get survivor's benefits or to have any of the father's disability benefits extended to him/her.
If something happened to you after the child was born but before you married the child's father, guardianship of the child might default to your parents rather than the child's father. You might also put the father in the position of having to go to court to get guardianship or visitation rights. That is not a small issue.
Bear in mind also that legal decisions regarding your life/health should you become incapacitated will default to your legal next of kin, your parents, if you have not married the father of your child. He would have to fight to get any say-so in what happens to you if your parents decided not to involve him.
Also, there's the matter of mutual medical coverage. If you and your fiancee marry before the birth of your child, it's much easier for you and the child to get coverage under any medical insurance plan he has through an employer or other source. If something should happen during the birth process or if either you or the child has some complication that requires extended hospitalization or specialized care, the more insurance coverage you have, the better your options.
For your child's sake, get married now-- maybe in a simple civil ceremony. Then when the child is old enough to participate, have a renewal of vows ceremony/"real" wedding. But do what's in the child's best interests now.
2007-09-05 10:40:44 · answer #10 · answered by Karin C 6 · 5⤊ 1⤋
No. No. no. The tide is already turning when it comes to having "illegitimate" babies and you will regret in years to come that you didn't marry first and have your child born legally into your marriage. If you already have jumped into a sexual relationship and are now pregnant, you have made certain life choices and should now deal with them honestly. Do you think a big hoopla wedding is more important than providing for your child? I sure hope not. So plan a small wedding with family and close friends, get married and start your new family life. Once your baby arrives, you will require every cent you have for his/her needs. The child will need a calm mommy and daddy who are looking ahead for a home. Maybe you will be lucky enough to be a fulltime mom and you will be proud to tell people that you chose a secure home ovre a lavish wedding to impress others! You are no longer a "princess". You are a pregnant woman and you have to make grown-up choices. If your family is thrilled about the baby and are supporting a nice little wedding very soon, consider yourself blessed. Just think of how much they will have left over to help you focus on your baby.Good luck.
2007-09-05 09:28:27 · answer #11 · answered by Wifeforlife 6 · 8⤊ 3⤋