i was right, my brother didn't come back for his kid. what now?

Question

here is my previous question:

http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;_ylt=AngQ8ppLrt8x_Gu2OCRwPxTty6IX?qid=20070817132707AAWizjG

i know i said what i would do, but that was before it happened. i still thought in the back of my mind that he wouldn't actually abandon his own flesh and blood, but he did. it's been a week since he said he would pick him up, and he's still not here. it's time for me to take action, and i don't know what i should do. i'm stuck. and i'm gonna pray about it and talk it over with my pastor and older brother and kids first, but some outside advice would also be welcome.thanks.

Answer 1

My goodness - you are a very busy man, raising all those children solo. Little Kaden would be so lucky to join your little/big family. Sorry about the loss of your dear wife.

This is so tough, but here are my thoughts:

If you could take this little guy in, that would be the best for him. You're already stretched so thin that it may not be the best for you. Your children will adapt - one more to help take over the universe. You'll need to either speak with your brother and have both him and the baby's mother sign legal documents giving the baby to you (either to adopt, custody or guardianship) so that you can really take care of him and not look over your shoulder thinking they'll be back to pick him up someday. Or, call Social Services to do an assesment/intervention - they'll want to explore reunification and will need to talk with your brother/baby's mom. But likely will do a home study and place baby with you pending legal documents (again to give you custody or guardianship).

If you can't take care of him - and hon, there's nothing to be ashamed of it you can't do it - then you'll need to place that call to Social Services. If your brother/baby's mom will sign relinquishments DSS will have no trouble finding a good home for the baby. But if they don't/won't sign relinquishments, then DSS is likely to be involved in their lives for awhile - and baby will be in foster care.

Tough decision - best to you as you make it. And in raising your 14 (or 15) kids.

Answer 2

My heart goes out to you with your situation and I wish there was something I could do to help you - you sound like a really good person in a very difficult situation.

I think you should look into getting permanent custody of the child so he can grow up with some stability and love. If your brother does end up coming back at some point and you lecture him about being irresponsible, what's to stop him from abandoning the child somewhere else next time where he won't be protected?

If you absolutely can't care for another child, I think the best thing is to look into foster care where you would have visitation privelages or something.

Where is the boy's mother? Is that the girlfriend? Why doesn't she care what's going on with this? Are they into drugs or something? Even if they do come back and want the boy, I would be reluctant to let him go.

Good luck to you and let us know how things work out.

Answer 3

There was court case similar to this once that I read about and everyone called it abondament and the judge listened to everyones arguments and then said well eventually the parents did come back right? They said yes but it had been about 3 weeks. His response was this people leave their kids in schools for 8 months out of the year minus holidays and leave their children for months on end with nannys and au pairs alike. How is this any different? Why because they didn't show up on the date they said they were?

The court didn't press charges and the children returned to the parents.

Though I agree it is incrediably irresponsible of your brother I don't think I would call it abondment quite yet.

Do you have a way to get hold of him? If so call him and tell him to pick up his kid by a specific date or you will go to court for custody.

If you don't want the child find another relative to have the child stay with that is safe or better yet where is the mom?

Answer 4

I think you already know that nothing anyone says here can tell you the "right" answer for you.

No one should be making you feel guilty for not being able to take on the huge responsibility of raising someone else's child. Only you know whether or not you want to do that.

From your previous letter, it does not sound like this brother or his girlfriend (wife? didn't you say they were on a honeymoon) should be taking care of a child. That does not mean that you have to. There are other options, including foster care and adoption. If those are unacceptable, perhaps there is someone in the extended family who can help? Make sure you explore all the options.

Whatever else you do, and the people you are saying you will consult with are great, you should also get legal advice before taking any permanent step. You need to protect your family, your nephew and yourself, and your brother's position should be clarified legally. (If you do take on the child, he should pay support. Or if you are convinced that he won't, and you decide to raise the boy, you don't want him showing up in five years and demanding custody--right?)

Best of luck and lots of good wishes for you and for Kaden.

Answer 5

Unfortunately you are in a very difficult position (as I'm sure you know). If your brother and his gf aren't going to be the responsible parents your nephew needs, then someone else will have to do it. That someone will be you or a stranger that adopts/fosters him. You have to decide what you can live with. It will be really hard to raise another child, especially as a single father, but I think it would be even harder to "give him away" and have him live with a stranger. He is, after all, your family. Imagine how he might feel to grow up and learn his parents abandoned him and then that his uncle also didn't want him. Though that may not be the accurate truth as far as you not wanting him, he will most likely see it that way. I think a lot of damage could be done emotionally to your nephew but you have the power to control it and give him the life and the love every child deserves.

I would file for custody and offer visitation rights to the bio parents. If they choose to have visitation, also file for child support.

Good luck to you and may God bless you in whatever decision you choose to make.

Answer 6

He and the mother need to be held responsible for child support, family or not. At this point, I don't think I'd really want the child to go back to such irresponsible parents (if they didn't want the child, they could have given it up for adoption).

It's a huge change to your life, but if you can possibly keep the child, you should gain legal custody. Even at 5 months, a baby can sense a parent's detachment, and I doubt very much that they gave him good care. You are the best chance this little guy has for a loving home. Call your local child services office and find out what needs to happen legally.

Answer 7

nicely, you're saying he's gay - which skill he likes person adult males, no longer little boys or females. i admire person adult males too (i'm a at present day female) and curiously so do you, yet I confident do in comparison to little boys in any sexual way, and that i assume and desire which you do no longer the two. yet i does not merely bypass this off. Your son is a million, your brother got here out 2 months in the past, because of the fact of this your closeted, "at present day" brother could have maximum probably spent it sluggish with your son, am I suitable? Did you sense uncomfortable then, or did this merely start up as quickly as your brother got here out? If the latter, then spend it sluggish with your brother - you will see he's the comparable guy you have continuously wide-unfold and enjoyed, you merely understand extra approximately him than you used to. If the former, then tread intently. Be accepting of your brother, yet flow with your gut in the tip. many times, this is appropriate.

Answer 8

you are certainly in a predicament. You are caring for a child that is not yours. It is your decision about whether or not you want to take this child in. There are a lot of families out there who are reproductively challenged who would love to have a 5 month old baby. You do need to seek legal advice about this because you do not have legal guardianship of this child and thus can't really control the outcome of the situation. if you report this incident to the police, you can probably be the child's foster parent until you either adopt the child yourself or he gets adopted by a new family. Talk to your brother again about what he wants to do, or what he doesn't want to do. Your brother can go to jail for child abandonment.

Answer 9

One problem you have is that you're not the legal parent and you have no real legal power over the kid.

Medical treatment? Problem.
Enrolling in school or even day care? Problem.

Part of what you need to do is report this as a case of child abandonment, and if willing, volunteer to be the child's caregiver. This will give you more pull, and it may even get you some aid with expenses.

If this "father" can do this to his child, it needs to be documented.

Answer 10

Talk to your pastor and older brother. Then call Child Protective Services. Tell them you want to take the baby from your younger bro (he abandoned it).

I can't imagine anyone doing this. I am infertile and my hubby and I would love to have a baby. :( We can't afford all the fancy medical procedures people do nowadays, so we just keep praying.

Anyway, I wish you and the little baby the best. I know it may be hard for you, but you are doing the right thing. :)

Good luck! :)