my gf is holding out?

Question

my gf doesn't like it when i talk about sex. She is NOT a virgin and we havent had sex yet even though we have been together for 3 years. She wont really tell me why. I know she doesn't have any std or anything because we both got tested before college. Im thinking she may have gotten raped and is too ashamed to tell me. What else could it be?

Answer 1

if you guys have been together for 3 years and she doesn't even like talking about sex with you, then i don't think she's very comfortable in her own skin. She doesn't seem to trust very easily, or maybe even love. She could have gotten raped, that's a great possibility, but if you guys have been together in a serious relationship for as long as you, she should feel as though she can confide in you these serious things in her past. Try to talk about it carefully with her, she should know that you're not trying to pressure her into having sex because you've been together for so long... if she doesn't want to talk about it, then she has serious deep issues probably forming from a child..

Answer 2

Rape may not be the case. Many times when a woman is raped, she begins to equate sex with power verses fear. Some side effects are promiscuity, the opposite of what your gf is experiencing. That said, this may not even be the. What makes you think she was raped? Does someone else support this theory, or maybe she comes from an abusive background? (Family/old bfs?)

Another thing to consider is female sexual dysfunction. FSD effects something like 40% of women under the age of 40, and that number doubles over that age.

You obviously are very patient, to have waited 3 years. You love her, and one way to help with fsd is love and support. Ultimately you can't force her to talk about her past/feelings, but you can let her know that you are there, you aren't going anywhere, and you want to be with her. If she feels secure in her relationship with you then you're already halfway there.

And if she does open up, go very slow. The blue balls will mean nothing if you scare her off.

Answer 3

three years huh? Your a good man, the key word being man. Men do what's right not what's easy. Which might be part of why she's so apprehensive. There's a lot of expectations involved in having sex even at the the beginning, and after three years...well you get my drift. She might not think she deserves you, that once you have sex with her and see it's just sex just an act you'll resent her for making you wait. Sex makes women feel very vulnerable which I know is hard to believe, everywhere you look sex, but just because that's what they want you to think doesn't mean that's the way things are. We open not just our legs but our hearts with the act and that's something we can never take back, so the part she gives will always stay with you.
I would just go on enjoying her company and her emotional commitment to you and until what your waiting for comes really think about why you want it and what it is your really gonna get.

Answer 4

maybe she was raped, or has gone through a really hard relationship that was mostly sexual and now she just wants to make sure that you love her for her. Also, i would sit down and have a disscussion with her about it say "i'm not saying that we should have sex i just want to know if there is something thats bothering you" be supportive and dont get frustrated with her the last thing you want to do is upset her or make her feel like she's being forced. Also, let me just add that waiting till your married isn't a bad thing and that you don't need sex before hand to have a good relationship

Answer 5

Sexual Assault is a possiblity. If you think it's that, just talk to her and let her know that she did nothing wrong and there's nothing to be ashame about. If she wants to hold out, the more power to her. Abstinence takes a lot o self control, but she needs to tell you why. You must really love her for staying with her for so long. It doesn't seem fair to you that she hasn't given you an answer yet. At what point will she start trusting you enough to tell you truth. I think that it's about time she opened up because you've her that your commited to her.

Answer 6

It could be past trauma, or maybe she has made a new life decision for herself. Just because she is not a virgin does not necessarily mean she wants to hop into bed with every guy she dates. Maybe she is waiting for a bigger commitment, like engagement or marriage... Maybe she has trust issues with you. If you have been together for 3 years I would think you two should be able to discuss this and you shouldn't be asking strangers these questions.

Answer 7

There must be something dramatic that happened to her. If I were you I would sit down with her and tell her exactly how you feel. If the two of you have been together for 3 years, she must feel comfortable enough around you that she should tell you why she is the way she is.

Answer 8

I've been molested and it is hard to talk about. However, sex is a trust or moral thing. She either doesn't trust you, or she has morals now. Just tell her you need to talk about it or else you'll be convinced she doesn't trust you. She might even be insecure. Convince her shes your everything, not just to bang her, but to let her know, even if it doesn't lead to sex, you still love her.

Answer 9

oh men this is really not right... not because of the sex issue but some other issues like communication.
tell you something,,,, some of the relationships I know ended up because they are not sexually compatible. they love each other but its a part of the relatiopnship. A MAJOR part i must say.}
Talk to her and ask her what's the problem if she doesn't answer, and let you hangging. Men SORRY but its time to move on.. let her go.. let her be... but if you really really love her it up to you. stay with her and satisfy yourself by hand. :)

Answer 10

She's getting it from somewhere else? She doesn't think the relationship is serious enough that she feels comfortable giving it up? 3 years doesn't mean a lot if there's been a lot of upheaval and problems in the relationship.