Im dating a guy thats 18 years older than me. Im 22 and he is 40. Is that too much of an age difference?

Question

He is HOTT! He is Mestizo and oh yeah he is aging VERY well.

Good point John B!

Thanks enh and tas8099!

Hey I love your answer wayfaroutthere!

Hey Zambiti you are so totally right! Actually I have a good feeling about him and what I like about him is that he is straightforward and mature. I have never liked dating guys so close to my age anyways. I dont have time for their b.s.

Hey Krissy H I guess only mature younger women can handle older men. I have been told Im mature for my older. I think it takes an open mind to date an older person.

Thanks living well good point!

Oh and people I dont want to marry the guy or have kids with him. I just wanna date him. I dont like kids too much anyways.

Answer 1

Ok circumstances are different with everyone but I am a 26 year old MARRIED to a 41 year old. We have been married for 5 years and I tell you what I still cannot wait for him to get home everynight!! I feel I need to tell you though he is pretty immature and I on the other hand had my son at 16 so am very mature sometimes more then him. Also lmao he still gets carded for cigarettes, screw what people say about wrinkly balls they have no clue older men are definetly more in control of themselves then younger men are, if you know what I mean!!!!!

Answer 2

Do you feel there is a huge difference? Mentally, a 40 year old guy is more mature, more stable. He's got it together whereas someone your age still plays Nintendo in his mom's dirty basement. Experience can also be a great thing.

On the other hand, you could be his midlife crisis, and when he wakes up out of it, you could be on your *** real quick. He likely has more baggage than a younger guy, ex's, kids, so forth. There is also more superficial issues too, for instance, a 40 and a 20 year old man have different libidos. A 20 year old still looks for zit cream, the 40 year old rogaine.

It's what you are comfortable with. And as long as you are in a happy relationship, who cares what other people think.

Answer 3

You tell me. If you are tired of aimless guys your age, I could understand going for an older, more refined man. You do need to think about why he is with you as well. Your 22 year old body could be part of it, but there are other reasons for him to date younger too--not the least of which is that 22 year olds still remember how to have fun.

How much do you enjoy your time together? Where do you see your future with this guy? Is he on the same page? Does he dominate you or treat you like a daughter, or are you treated like an equal and a partner? These things are more important than age.

Answer 4

I don't believe that age can be the sole determining factor in the success of a relationship, although certainly there are generalizations that typically describe the largest percentage in a category. Generally speaking, serious involvment with a man that much older is hard to pull off long-term. There is a wide gap in life experience that makes it difficult to be on the same page regarding needs, lifestyle, etc. If your goal is marriage, consider the ramifications. An 18 year difference can make a significant difference in terms of having/raising children. Also, there is a high liklihood he will age sooner than you and you might be in the position of taking care of him the way many of us have to care for elderly parents.

Also, it's difficult for a woman to develop her own sense of self when dating a man so much older. According to research, there is a higher rate of abuse in relationships that involve men much older than the woman - early patterns of abuse are typically related to an imbalance of power within a relationship, power that is used to control the less powerful partner. So, if you find that you struggle to find your own voice or that you feel dominated in the relationship, I'd say those are red flags.

It's probably best to avoid serious involvement, but casual dating might be a good way to slowly test it out. However, that should be long, long term casual dating, and at the same time you should give yourself a chance to meet and get to know other guys in your age group.

Of course, ultimately only you can make such a decision, although I think it's smart to get others' input. Good Luck!

Answer 5

When I was 27, I dated a guy who was 52. It was actually a pretty good relationship. He treated me like an equal, we were both still very active in our respective careers, and we had lots of common interests.

A lot of people who knew about it reacted badly (including my mother, who could not resist pointing out that he was my dads age). But I've always been the sort of person to do my own thing and ignore other people, so I just told people with issues to back off.

I think it's entirely possible for you to have a healthy, respectful relationship with someone much older than you are. I think where these sorts of relationships tend to founder is when one or both parties have an ulterior motive (just wants a young piece of ***, wants a father figure) or where the two people are at radically different stages in life (one of you is an established professional and the other is still in college).

Answer 6

I just ask that same question on here today. I'm 42, he's 24. We have been in a serious relationship for over two years. I am so crazy about him. It seems so unfair that there is 18 years between us. We would be married with children right this minute if we were the same age. My only difference from yours is that I am the older one and I am female. If it makes you happy, it is a totally legal thing. Go with it and enjoy today.

Answer 7

First of all, age has nothing to do with maturity. However, if this leads to marriage, keep in mind the woman who wrote to Ann Landers years ago and said "When I married Bill, I was 20 and he was 44. He provided me with the stability I needed. Well, now I'm 50 and still have a lot of energy/youth, and Bill is 74 and in a wheelchair after a stroke and I find myself having to take care of an ailing husband when I still want to be out going to social functions, as our children are now grown and out of the house."

I wish I could find the column for you, but suffice it to say that it is something you should consider.

Answer 8

Yes.

You two are at completely different points in your life and he is much more sophisticated than you because he's had more life experiences. When you have someone that's much more sophisticated than the other, there's a high chance that the older one is dating the younger one because she's easier to control. I've also found that when you have that much age difference, it means it's a trophy girlfriend situation (he's not truly into you).

I'd stick with guys in their 20s right now. Good luck!

Answer 9

It can cause alot of problems on both ends cause you are not has mature as he is ( dont take that as an insult). You are very young and the things you want out of life may be alot different from him and your interests has well. I never date older than 6 years cause I dont like to date someone who can relate to me on certain levels. No one has the right to judge you, if you are happy with him and he is good to you, thats all that matters but think about if you ever decided to have kids, that would be an instance where the age would be a problem, goodluck

Answer 10

No, I've been with my bf for almost 2 years...He's 18 years older than me too. I'm not in my 20's anymore either though. I love him and he loves me very much. Just be prepared for the judgment you get from people, and the stares.

I don't care though because our chemistry is right on, and we are like hand and glove. You know what love is when you feel it, and if he feels the same about you forget what anyone else thinks. Life is too short to worry about what other people have in mind for YOUR LIFE. Be happy girl!