My boyfriend is reading my journals?

Question

Okay so I was going through an old journal and ripping pages out that I wanted to throw away, so that I could start fresh with it since it was practically new anyway. My boyfriend told me he found old journal entries in the trash as he was emptying it, and read them. He says he loves me, yeah that's great, but I don't go snooping through his trash and reading his stuff? I feel like he doesn't trust me. Am I overreacting, or is that just an invasion of privacy? He even asked me if I would share with him what I was writing in my journals...it's my journal, where I write my thoughts, I wouldn't expect him to share his journal with me either. What do I do?

I give him kudos for telling me he read them, and even though they were in the trash, it's weird to me that he even went through the trash reading what was in it.

I asked him why he felt the need to read my trash? He says, he was curious and wondered what I was up to. As if to say he doesn't trust me...and the journal entries were from 2 years ago, everything he knows about, nothing new, so why was he snooping?

Riiight, thanks Jeff. FYI my life isn't boring. But thanks for the joke, I needed a good laugh.

he knows me better than anyone of my friends. i've known him 10 years, we dated in high school, kept in touch when we graduated and he went into the military, now we're together again. i'm not going to break up with him over this, but if he keeps insisting on reading diaries and journals, and going through my trash and snooping around then yeah i'm going to wonder whether or not he trusts me? we spend 100% of our time together, we live together, and it's not like he has anything to be jealous over. i've never gone through his room, and his trash.

Thanks Nieto!

Answer 1

One shred your papers! He has trust issues. That is invasion of privacy he can talk to you! What you write in your Journal is your business and no one else's!

Answer 2

Well your first mistake is that you read his journal. Some things are meant to be private. You need to learn that. You probably wouldn't like him reading your journals or listening in on your phone calls, and i'm certain that you've said things in the past you didn't mean about him. Journals are a personal place for venting, they're not meant to be read by anyone. You sound really clingy, no offense. 2 years isn't that long, and the fact that you expect to live together or be engaged after 2 years seems like you're pushing too much maybe. You say you're involved in marathons/your career, but does he see that? Maybe he only sees the clingy side of you that is so involved in him that you would read his journals.... I'm not trying to be rude, i'm trying to give you a dose of reality. Guys don't like that sort of thing, and you may be pushing him away/giving him the wrong impression of you. Assuming you actually want to be two people in a relationship that ARE equals and view each other as equals, maybe you should focus your attention less on him and more on yourself, which will probably have the result of him viewing you as a more independant and successful person. If you do want to live together and get married eventually, neither of those two situations can work with your state of mind.

Answer 3

You don't need to worry about it.

He's right when he says he was curious, I'll tell you why. He also loves you when he said he loved you, I will tell you why.

It's human nature, when people love someone, they will always stop to listen someone else talking about their Beloved. Or wait to see something that reminds them of their Beloved.

I'm not sure if I'm explaining this correctly. But he liked you and saw something that was written by you and naturally wanted to read it. It wasn't because he didn't trust you. He just wanted to read it because it was written by you. He might not even have read it if it was written by someone else.

You can ask someone to write something and throw it in the same trash can and see if he reads that. I'm pretty sure that even if he sees it, he'll look at it if it's not written by you and then leave it as it is after finding the truth about it.

Anyway, you don't need to show him your journals, because you're right, they're your personal stuff. You can keep an online journal somewhere and password protect it. Use a blog or something. So that no one else can see it.

Search for free blogs etc on google.

Answer 4

The fact that your boyfriend was open and honest with you telle me he isn't really trying to be a "snoop" or is overprotective. I think he just wants to feel close to you and know everything about you.

However, there is nothing wrong with having a private journal. Don't feel like you need to show him. You have every right to keep a journal with your personal thoughts. And of course if any of those thoughts are really important and affect your relationship, yeah I think you need to talk to your boyfriend about it. But he should trust that your journal isn't some place where you have all these crazy secrets like you are cheating or something. It's just your private place, and it's important.

Tell him that you aren't hiding anything, but that it's important to you to have a private journal. And that you ask him to respect your privacy. If he has a big problem with this, that would be a red flag to me. Does he no trust you? Is he overprotective or jealous? Ask him that and work things out if you can.

Answer 5

I personally think you are reading motives that are not there.

Truthfully, if you didn't want them read at all, you would have shredded them.

If he knows what was said in them, I see no problem. In fact, maybe he was able go get a deeper understanding of you and your feelings about things.

I would suggest you just look at him, and smile and tell him, 'It is no big deal after all. But future journals are off limits. Unless you chose to share them with him.'

Answer 6

You should keep everything you've ever written. He should of plucked the from the bin and given them back to you. You never know what tomorrow will bring and those little writings could mean a lot more to you 10 years from now then yesterday. Keep the boyfriend he's been asking for you to share and he was honest about that he read them and where he got them. He just wants to know you better.

Answer 7

I think you should relax. He probably just saw your hand writing on the paper when he was changing the trash and got interested. He didn't accuse you of anything so he probably trusts you just fine. Obviously anything you do interests him so don't get all concerned about it. Furthermore, if you ask him to leave your pages alone he will probably respect your request and give you some space. Also, ask him if he'll share his thoughts with you. It could lead to a deeper understanding if you both share.

Answer 8

I don't think that you are overreacting...I would be totally pissed about the invasion of privacy. Tell him that while you respect that he did tell you, that you think that you (like all other human beings) are entitled to have some privacy, and that you don't think that it is necessary for you to share your journal with him, nor should he even expect you to. I think that by him reading your journal, it shows that he lacks self esteem, is insecure, and most likely doesn't trust you. You really need to share with him how you feel about this and don't let it continue.

Answer 9

Well it’s not invasion of privacy if you put them in the trash. It would be invasion if he was reading them from your journal where you had it. But othevice you are over reacting. If you didn’t want him to read this you should have throne them away right then and then.

Answer 10

Honestly he did what anyone would do. And I think that he must have been touched by something that it said because he stated that he loves you. He was intriqued by something he read. I don't think it was an invasion of privacy because he found it in the trash can and not in a bedroom drawer. He has pulled you closer to his heart and is willing to get to know who you are. Now-a-days no one knows each other anymore. You should respect his efforts and disregard the fact that he stumpled upon your inner thoughts. And besides if you really wanted to get rid of it you would have shredded it.