One night recently, my best friend and I had a conversation next to a camp fire about his upcoming wedding. After a few drinks, he informed me that because he doesn't want any drama and his fiance hates me, I am no longer going to be in the wedding.
I went from being the best man, to not even being allowed to go to bachelor party, be in the wedding or go to the reception. Does this seem normal? Has anyone else had this happen to them? If so, what did you do?
Fiance history: I spent 2 summers working with my best friend, so we spent a lot of time together at work and then we would work out at the gym. I was blamed for "spending too much time" with him and trying to steal him away from her. They have been together for forever and a day, so obviously they are not going to break up. And, I have been a gracious enough friend to not say anything bad about her ever!!!! I put up with everything because he is my best friend. Any thoughts?
2007-09-05 06:46:19 · 32 answers · asked by rfrey0907 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
I can't thank you enough for the answers, but let me clear a few things up. Yes, we were drinking, but to me it must have been a tough thing to bring up with your best friend. Second, I have always held feelings inside due to my own beliefs about "being tough and strong", so I wasn't about to lay into him about why I can't be in the wedding and I am getting dropped like a bad habit. Lastly, I really didn't do anything on purpose to ever hurt his fiance. In fact, I was always on point, even if I was drunk and she was around because it was easier to avoid all conflict. She is marrying into lots of money, and acts like it's it belongs to her even though they are not married yet, which might have something to do with it. Also, I bought her flowers before I left and wrote a long "sappy" letter (which was painful by the way) saying how I wish her nothing but the best. I am at a loss, and I feel like a pansy because I was hurt by this (I didn't show that though)
2007-09-05 07:09:48 · update #1
THERE IS NO BROKE BACK MOUNTAIN STUFF GOING ON HERE!!! ha ha I know it may come off that way, but I have a serious gf as well.
2007-09-05 07:33:59 · update #2
sounds like you've left something out. especially if you're causing drama. but either way, whether it's her fault or yours or even your best friends, the fact of the matter is they are getting married. they will be living their life together. no longer are the days of "the boys". it's sad that we allow ourselves to do this (this is one of the reasons I don't want to get married). she will be his wife, he will be her husband and they will live their life....TOGETHER....in the same house, day in and day out. they really don't need extra distractions, marriage is hard enough as it is, trying to get used to each other's annoyances, problems, etc....realizing that you can't just break-up, or walk way because you are tied to each other now. And divorce isn't all that easy...or cheap.
maybe it's you who has been having trouble with their relationship, not letting go, wanting him go out so that you can be with your friend, trying to be around him as much as possible only because you don't want to lose a friend. And maybe, she has had these feelings all along but never said anything, or maybe she has said something but just let it go for now.
the fact is, they are getting married, all you can do now is support your friend. If it doesn't work out, at least he'll still have a friend who'll be there. Maybe if you show a little more responsibility, a little maturity, a little less drama, maybe you'll be asked to attend. The question is will you show up is asked? or will you be dramatic and not go. this will truly be a test of maturity.
2007-09-05 07:03:01 · answer #1 · answered by Ms. Roger Rabbit 4 · 3⤊ 2⤋
I'm so sorry this has happened to you!
You went from being best man to not being invited at all? He said this after being drunk? Are you sure he is serious? This is not normal. What happened to bring on such a drastic change? Either there are more details here that you are not providing or something else is going on.
Sit down and talk with your friend about this. Tell him you still consider him your friend and you don't appreciate being treated this way. Point out that you haven't said anything negative about her and are trying to be the best friend you can be. If he decides to not have you in the wedding or even attend, you will abide by that, but you will also take that as an indication the friendship is over.
Good luck.
2007-09-05 06:58:18 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
I'm VERY sorry about your situation. This must be so hard for both of you.
The truth is that she has his balls in a jar. Maybe she sees you as a treat and perhaps, she thinks that you expect him to keep on catering to your single guy lifestyle and now that he's getting married, he doesn't fit into that lifestyle anymore.
Be his friend always regardless of this. She seems to be insecure and possesive and he just want to avoid conflict and keep everyone happy.
He had to choose in between the both of you, which is very unfortunate. In my book, no one should be asked to change themselves or to cut off your friends just because you are in a relationship. It's wrong, it's toxic...she is not his mother to tell him who he can hang out with.
One day, he will see trough all the controlling and manipulation schemes. Be the better person and be his friend regardless of being nixed from the wedding, but expect him to pull back big time away from you.
Now, tell us, what do you really do? There has to be a reason.
Best wishes
PS/ Watch this movie: You, me and Dupree. You'll probally see her point.
2007-09-05 07:27:38 · answer #3 · answered by Blunt 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Regardless of the history, unfortunatley, it all boils down to what they both want at the wedding. If your attendace is going to upset the bride, then the groom has to suck it up and not invite you. It really sucks, but when it comes to the wedding, her feelings are more important than yours. Same thing would have to hold true if the groom hated one of her friends.
Now if you were the groom's brother, it might be a different story... but you are not family.
Wish your friend the best, and know that this isn't really about you and don't let it bother you too much.
2007-09-05 07:53:12 · answer #4 · answered by Proud Momma 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Sadly, he has decided to let her choose his friends. It has to hurt, but you can't change it. She HATES you for whatever reason. Maybe they are having issues and she has chosen you as the scape goat, I don't know. All you can do is find a new friend, because even if you were in the wedding and at the reception it would have probably been the last time you ever saw him again anyway.
2007-09-05 06:53:50 · answer #5 · answered by ♦justme♦ 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Ask him again when he's sober.
HE has every say into who should be his best man.
If he backs down now, she will forever be the one who makes the decisions.
I would still talk to him when he is sober. She's obviously got him tied around her finger. Please point out that it is HIS wedding as well and he should have whoever he wants as the best man.
If you aren't in the wedding party you should at LEAST be invited to both the wedding AND the reception.
How rude of her! He needs to regain his mancard!
2007-09-05 06:54:24 · answer #6 · answered by Terri 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like you did everything you could to keep the peace. His fiance sounds like a real witch. Im sorry for you, and Im sorry that he let his fiance/wife dictate who his friends are.
I think the only thing you can do now is back off and maybe one day your friend will realize what he has done. In the meantime, dont hold your breath.
2007-09-05 06:54:02 · answer #7 · answered by fizzy stuff 7 · 5⤊ 0⤋
It seems to be that there may be another reason why she dislikes you. My bf's good friend will never be invited to our wedding. He's been nothing but rude to me and he's extremely loud, rude and obnoxious in general. I just can't stand being around him. My bf understands how I feel (he feels the same way but puts up with him because of their history) and is okay with me not allowing him to go to the wedding. (This guy ruins EVERY wedding I've been to where he's also there, but saying inappropriate things, etc.)
Perhaps she has another reason for not inviting you. It just seems too easy to blame it on you taking up too much of her fiance's time... I know I'll get a lot of "thumbs down" for this but I really don't believe that most girls are *that* vindictive.
2007-09-05 06:56:24 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 3⤋
Wow talk about bridezilla. If your buddy was any kind of friend he would take his balls out of her purse and stand up for your. If you have done nothing wrong and said nothing wrong then your buddy has no reason to cast you aside like he has done. I think its very selfish on his part to throw away a friendship rather than deal with his over controlling bridezilla. You don't deserve to keep a "friend" and i use the term loosely now, around you.
2007-09-05 07:39:41 · answer #9 · answered by musicgrl42002 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
All I can tell from here is the most graceful thing you can do is accept what he has said, let him know you still consider him a friend, and distance yourself, but stay open to his friendship.
In the long run he will be thankful that you were respectful. In the long run the truth will unfold; it always does.
2007-09-05 06:57:48 · answer #10 · answered by Dr. Obvious 4 · 6⤊ 0⤋