my husband, 2 1/2 y.o. daughter and I live in a different state than all of my family. We moved 4 years ago, and for a while, I liked being here. Recently, I can't shake this feeling of urgency to move back home. I am constantly sad, and I know it's not good for my daughter to see. My family visits often, and I know I am lucky to be so close with everyone, but I need more balance in my life. I live with my husband 3 weeks per month, and for a week I go back home. It feels like a constant roller coaster ride. I have no friends or anything here where I live, so I go from being completely alone (my husband works and goes to school so we hardly see eachother, and I am a stay at home mom) to being completely surrounded and overwhelmed by family when I am with them. My daughter cries for her grandparents everyday, and honestly, so do I. What can I do to get through this time? I have tried to get my husband to move us home for over a year, he says next year, but I'm not sure. I feel trapped.
2007-09-05 06:35:01 · 10 answers · asked by izzymo 5 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
I think that your husband needs to understand the depth of your feelings. The three of you are a team, and two of you are unhappy. Time for him I'm sure, moves much more quickly because of his busy life than time for you. What i would do is first...have a really good, long talk with him ( include a counselor if he's not the "talking" type )... Try to help him understand how you feel. If he's already agreed to "a year" then mark it on the calendar. A year isn't that much time...although i know it feels that way... if you don't feel that a year is reasonable... try to get him to explain what difference a year will make for all of you... If you need to stay so that he can finish school...or because of finances... and a year will make a really positive difference for the whole family.. then do it... you're spending a week a month visiting friends and family... which is more than most people get to do who work full time... also try to stay busy, keep your mind in the present... have fun with your daughter... be happy for the things that you have instead of unhappy that the picture isn't exactly as you want it to be... it's a good opportunity to teach your daughter that things come to those who wait... and if you set goals even a year in advance... the goal can be achieved with focus and good planning... Also... since you'll be leaving in a year... spend time making sure you've seen and done everything there is to do where you live NOW... so that your daughter and you will have fond memories shared there...
... you're not trapped... unless you're roped to the fencepost...
2007-09-05 07:04:15 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Although family is important, when you marry and make a commitment to a person you leave and cleave to them. YOUR immediate family (that is you and your spouse and child) are what matters most now.
I am a military spouse who moves quite often and when I left my home at the age of 18 it was hard, and I have never lived closer than a 14 hour drive since being married and having children. I didn't have help from my parents raising my babies nor did they see the grandkids alot when we lived far away but having good friends did help alot. I have had to do for myself and get out there and make friends. If you sit at home and mope and feel sorry for yourself how does that move you forward? It doensn't, you end up miserable. You can't control your circumstances at times and your husband is simply trying to make a living for you and your daughter. Be thankful that family can and does visit often. I may see my entire family once a year and my mom and I try to see eachother at least once every three months. This is where you have got to have the strength to stand on your own two feet and deal with life. That's a part of being a grown woman.
If you want to see your husband more maybe sit down and have a talk to him maybe he can cut back on taking classes right now or something? Things can always be worked out if both parties will give a little/compromise.
Check out meet up groups on Yahoo here, you might find some young mothers who also feel the same way you do and you might end up meeting some terrific people, but to sit around and complain and be negative about your life will only keep you in the same place. Your life is what you will make of it. ALOT of women do this today, how do you think all these women survive with their husbands away to Iraq and on ships today?? Consider yourself BLESSED and maybe change the attitude a little.
2007-09-05 14:09:02 · answer #2 · answered by dixi 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think you should talk to your husband. No one can comment on this situation, unless they have been in the situation. Everyone reacts differently to a situation, as well. I had the same thing happen, except that I did not feel at home, at first, as you may have. (I had a 4 y/o and a 1 y/o), and I did not expect the move. The problem is that each time you go "home" to see your family, you are reinforcing the feelings you may have regarding whether you are happy where you are, or not. No one can tell you what to do. It must be very "roller-costery", going back and forth. Talk to your husband about your feelings. Do you feel that you could make friends where you live, right now? Does your daughter have any friends? I, personally found that it took me about 2 - 3 years to feel most comfortable in a new environment, even if it was not as comfortable as I had previously felt where I moved from. I wonder if sometimes we women don't really tell our husbands how we truly feel. You are trying to be strong, but you seem to long for your previous home. How does your husband feel? Talk to him. Your family needs to be in equilibrium, and you can't base how you do things or how you feel, by how other people view the situation, or how they feel. This is your situation.
2007-09-05 14:02:34 · answer #3 · answered by PR 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I came to the USA when i was 25 I'm from Germany originally i had a 3 year old at the time... i knew nothing and no one over here..a completely different world for me.. but 20 years later i`m still here and guess what i`m alive and well and so are all my Kids and my Husband whom was a Soldier for 20 years and not only was i all alone here but he went to war 4 times and was gone 1 year plus been to Korea twice on a 1 year tour and i stayed here... so i KNOW you can do it... I know it's hard specially when you are a close Knit family but make new friends and get some Hobbies you can do it
2007-09-05 13:55:41 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
I think personally by going back so much you are making it harder to move on and realize how much you could like your new life. Of course you will want to visit but in my opinion what your doing is pretty unstable. You need to learn to rely on only you and hubby and find happiness in that.
3 years ago my husband moved me and our kids from Missouri to Ny. First time i had ever been away from family and i was very depressed.. I hated it here..was a very big culture shock. I called my parents everyday sometimes more. I wanted to go home all the time and just wasnt able to. after time i was ok with not going home more then a few times a year. I miss my family yes and i miss missing the important moments like weddings and births but i have learned to have a relationship with them via phone and internet and it works. We all still very close and my kids no longer cry for their grandparents. Now I've become much more independant and only rely on my sources i have here for happiness.. Good luck to you.
2007-09-05 14:51:20 · answer #5 · answered by hlboin_2005 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Your "home" is with your husband and child. That is your family and your number one priority. You are an adult and can't be running to mommy and daddy one week out of every month. Your daughter is crying because she is confused. You haven't invested in setting up a real home for her with your husband. You are so concerned about balance in your life. Where is the balance for your daughter? You have your life on a see saw. Grow up and make your home with your husband.
2007-09-05 14:26:57 · answer #6 · answered by dawnb 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Been there done that.....Your problem is that you DONT see your husband enough and you feel alone in your new home! Find things to do to meet people, join freecycle.org and ask around about groups for parents! Go to the park and walk.....you will meet people. Dont give up, it gets easier...its just like the first day of school...dont know nobody, feel icky in the tummy...but it goes away with time.....Get web cams and talk to your family online...this will help a BUNCH!
Good luck to you and your family.
2007-09-05 13:42:24 · answer #7 · answered by ameribicgirl 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Maybe your daughter is somehow connecting with your feelings, so she gets upset?
Perhaps it's time to take charge of your life, get OUT and do things!! I'm sure there are parents groups, gyms, preschools and daycares in your area....
it wouldn't hurt your daughter to socialize with children her own age...
Take a class (art, karate, swimming), join a women's group... get involved with things that interest YOU.... you will certainly make friends if you put yourself out there and mingle.
Sitting around feeling sorry for yourself, isn't very healthy and it's not a good way to fill your time.
I lived 400 miles from my family at one time, and soon i'm moving 1,000 miles away... i will prevail because i keep busy.. i have hobbies and interests outside my family.
Of course i will miss them and visit them when i can.
Happiness comes from within, not from other people.
take care of YOU.
2007-09-05 13:44:53 · answer #8 · answered by letterstoheather 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
grow up and take charge of the life your husband working hard
to give you and his family. home home home, you're an adult act and behave like one. things will change eventually, give it time
2007-09-05 13:40:32 · answer #9 · answered by NEMESIS 3 · 0⤊ 2⤋
You should talk with a psychologist.
2007-09-05 13:45:09 · answer #10 · answered by Ya Ya 6 · 0⤊ 2⤋