Discipline for young kids. Very serious please..?

Question

I am having problems with my daughter in Kindergarten. She has already been kicked out of pre-k once for her attitude. She acts as if she is 30 years old and instead she is only 5.

She has been sent to Principal's office today and I want to nip the problem in the bud. We discipline her with groundings, mouth wash out, spankings, etc. But, nothing works. We have seen counselor for a little while but all they tell me is that she is smart for her age.

I don't know what to do and I am looking for ALTERNATIVE DISCIPLINES. Anyone out there know any additional ideas or tips on discipline or how to get your child to behave.

Answer 1

There are several good solutions on here. I agree with taking everything out of her bedroom and give her one thing back a day if she is good, if she is bad then start all over again.
I actually just wanted to respond to what the social worker said. I had my mouth washed out with soap when I was little for cursing and I know that I was not the only one. I totally do not agree that this is on the verge of abuse. We all see that you are trying to get help for your daughter. If there was abuse involved, then you probably would not be on here looking for help, you would be handling it another way.
Good luck with your girl.

Answer 2

Don't take this the wrong way please because I don't mean it like that at all. You're entire list of disciplinary tactics is punishment for bad behavior.

Often times our gut instinct is to punish for bad behavior. Well unfortunately that means attention for the bad behavior. Many studies have found the most effective discipline is actually to encourage good behavior. I.e. if you clean your room today without giving attitude you can have an extra 10 minutes of tv.

Rewards work great as it gives children something to work for. Rewarding good behavior is not the same as bribery. While its very clear to you as an adult to see reasons for doing things it isnt for a child. If you had to go to work everyday but didn't get paid for it would you do it? WEll thats kind of like what school is. Some kids just can't see the reason for it.

It also helps at the beginning to break it down into small chunks such as mornign noon and night. If she can get through the morning doing three specific things then she gets a smiley for the morning. Same for the afternoon and night. As she gets better, you start combining things.

In seriousness I was having trouble with my then 5 year old. Two months of weekly visits to a child psychologist was magic. And it was more ME goign and doign things then her. Its work but again the difference is incredible.

There are also tons of resources on both the internet and the library on positive discipline.

Its a process. She wont wake up one day and be an angel. But you will learn to pinpoint triggers and methods she will respond to. And you will see the positive behavior increase and the negative decrease.

Answer 3

I started administering push ups, sit ups, horse stance, cat walks, etc., etc. When our kids were getting all of this physical training they were too tired to get an attitude. It's harmless, it's very good for the body, internally and externally, it leaves no marks or bruises, and at the same time, you don't have to raise your blood pressure spanking or yelling. We also use extra home work.
Our boys are 11 and 13 and they P.T. on their own now. They are incredibly strong and agile and other students love to see the things they can do. Our youngest son, does push ups with soccer balls under his hands and he's able to prevent them from rolling around.
Our oldest one, is into hand stand push ups.
They're not obese or wasting their time running the streets looking for trouble. They don't wise off to us either.
I know a couple that spanks and uses time outs but when they're done, their child goes right back to doing it. The neighbor girl down the street in 99 pounds and she's in Kindergarten. Her parents to keep her occupied allows her to eat what she wants and watch television.
Try and find a punishment system that works for the household. Something that is beneficial and productive. Many parents disagree with us on this and call it abuse. They're only saying that because they have no imagination and would rather do nothing and allow their children the freedom of getting into trouble than do something about it. Most parents enjoy babying their kids regardless of whom they hurt. Their kids may be out getting into trouble, having sex, doing drugs or drinking. It's easy for some parents to ignore this knowing it's happening.
But our children aren't fat, lazy, and stupid either.
I'd much rather be the KGB of all parents than know what our children are doing is wrong and turning a blind eye to it. There are no such thing as fairy tale endings. If you don't get a hold on her now, she'll control you later and when you've lost control, everyone will blame you for it.

Answer 4

I cannot recommend it enough PLAYFUL PARENTING by Lawrence Cohen.

He's a "play therapist" who teaches parents how to communicate and BOND with their child through...playing. It doesn't mean play with your kid and everything will be fine. But it's an approach that asks you to get on your kid's level to really understand what's going on with them and to be able to speak to them in a way they'll HEAR and trust. Try the library.

She's learning some of her behavior from you. Don't ask more of her than you're willing to give.

Learn to control your temper. She's a little girl. If she's making you mad, that's your problem, not hers. It's losing you respect.

How you treat her now is how she'll treat you when you're in a nursing home. So be sweet, patient and forgiving.

Tell her, "I'm sorry I hit you. From now on I'm going to help us be a better TEAM. My job is to take care of you and make sure you now how to be a good person. Your job is to be a kid and to be treated well."

Stop thinking of her as a puppet that must obey your string-pulling. A smart child is a gift! Help her learn respect and independence. Accept that it may be some time before she trusts and respects you again.

You are so lucky to have a gifted girl. If you invest in your relationship you will have a ally for life.

Answer 5

It sounds as if your daughter is very gifted. Maybe you could try some extra school work or gifted programs in your area. Also I know it might sound funny but do you ever use time outs? We do other kinds of discipline for our daughter but time outs also become very effective especially if there is something they would rather be doing. Also try taking favorite activities or toys away. Our daughter hates it when we take her fav animals or toys and she straightens out almost immediately. I hope this helps and good luck to you.

Answer 6

This may sound like bribing, which in certain circumstances I think is okay, but maybe try a "reward system." I don't know if you already give her an allowance or not, but what we do with our 3 year old is give her one "dollar" (which is really a Chuck E Cheese token) at the end of the day, if it's been a "good day." She knows what we mean by that - no whining, eat your food, be nice to your sister, listen, etc. etc. (Obviously she doesn't have to be an angel all day long, but if overall the day wasn't filled with hellish outbursts, we consider it good). She knows what's expected of her. Then if she gets us up in the middle of the night (which is her issue lately), she has to "buy" us with one token. For your daughter, she could pay each time she's sent to the principal or something else you decide upon.

She then has a chart that says how much certain fun things cost - like a trip to the zoo is 10 tokens, a trip to go swimming is 5 tokens, etc. She can save up and spend them how she likes.

I personally think this is a great system (as suggested by her pediatrician), because it teaches them so many things. Responsibility and saving (even though it's not real money); the value of things; that good behavior gets 'rewarded' (in the real world that translates to friends, promotions, good grades, etc. but for now kids this age need to see tangible results); that doing what's innapropriate costs something. And she's rewarded with fun time with mom and dad, not more "things."

Good luck. I do think part of your problem is because she is smart, and I agree with the people who suggest more mental stimulation.

Answer 7

Remember children are our furture, we need to be a role model, plus read their minds. A child is a child, you do not allow the child at a young age to decide what to buy or what bills to pay at what time, things that make or break a day. You do not let them go out alone to cross a busy street, they may not see the large truck coming trying to make a light, the child is to short to been seen and struck. (I have seen it).
Most important part of life Is learning until they are 18 yrs. for them to know they do not make decisions in your home or any schooling facility, "a leader has to learn to be a follower first," at all ages, we have to show a child, don't yell, get angry, give up, children tend to dis-arm us, and discourage our ability to be what we have accomplished over the years, "the parent" but we have earned our terrority.
Your child may not have a problem but she has ISSUES and challenge authority. Break the problem show stong disapline by showing the child you are stonger and smarter, dont break the will break the attidude. She has something bothering her.
Try something like this; make a moment to do something she enjoys and she has to earn to go. If she does not meet your request for one day, do not allow her to go, and stick with it, do not get mad or sad, say no means no.
My parents did not allow me to go horse back riding one time, when I did not come home on time from school, so I watched my sister and cousin get their horses and ride off, I cried so hard and sat at home. BOY! did I make sure I was on time, everytime. And also I did not do the dishes (I was 7yrs) and said I did, got caught and could not go the beach one day, the whole family went.
Turn it around and use proper ideas to show her loss everytime she acts the way she does, do not take from her take moments.
I have never spanked my children and my sons have turned out fantastic, praise to the Lord, I still make my own mistakes, I dont let them see them.
Fire Dog Fire Protection - Tina

Answer 8

I have to say, I don't agree with being punched, thrown or strangled as my stepdad did, as he did it out of anger/to kill, yet my mother did things different. She would usually spank me with a wooden spoon... hard, every time I acted up, she would whack me, I wouldn't speak back because I knew that's what it was. Ok, maybe you need a "little" tough love, but if your kid is going "get stuffed" there's not enough, if your kid is cowering / flinching when you approach them as I do with my stepdad, then it might be a bit overboard.

I'm no childcare expert, but perhaps you could sit down with her, and also reward her for her being good, if she is good for a day/in a good mood, buy her a treat perhaps (don't get too much and spoil her, but you get the idea).

However, maybe you should get her checked for ADD or something else perhaps? Just in case.

Answer 9

maybe she likes the attention shes getting from it all... have you tried just making her go to her room and leaving her there untill she apologizes(no matter how much she screams or cries... just ignore it)... and do it longer and longer each time... if she makes a mess.. make HER clean it up... take away her toys as punishment... put her on time outs... if you have another child let her sit on a time out chair in the same room where your other kid is playing so that she can sit there watching how much fun the other kid is having... if she gets up... put her in another room... everytime you go in her room.. if she is playing with somethin instead of just sitting or laying there take the toy away and make the time longer. dont give her anything she wants unless she asks for it nicely saying please and thank you... dont ever give in.. BE PERSISSTANT. trust me... yelling doesn't work.. it will only make her yell too and not listen to you. get down to her level and just talk sternly. be a good example. & give her rewards when she does something good. tell her that when she does somethin bad it makes you sad and when she does somethin good tell her how happy and proud you are of her. if you do those things ALLTHE TIME, consistantly- it should work.

Answer 10

Have you tried time outs? I know they sound so simple but some kids think of it as torture. My sister puts her son right on the stairs so he can see everyone else play or walk around and he'll cry so hard if he thinks he is going to be put in time out. But when I first read your post the first thing that came to my mind was that she is seeing something happen at home. Is she acting like you and your husband do when you guys argue. Is there a father figure in her life? If so, are you and him loving to each other? That might have a lot to do with it. Look at her surroundings there might be something there that is staring you in your face that is making her act this way.