Recently my grandmother was diagnosed with stomach cancer. This is in addition to a host of other ailments, Emphesema and Diabetes to name a couple. We recently moved her up here from NC and into a nursing home close to our home. Since she's been there, she's refusing some treatments, being verbally abusive to nursing staff, and has begun smoking again despite the home putting her on the patch. Our family is fed up with her behavior and lack of cooperation, but when we confront her about it she blames her memory, or says that smoking helps her "creativity". We've tried talking to her about the severity of her situation, and the need to cooperate with doctors and nurses. She just says that she does, and isn't doing anything wrong. How are we supposed to handle this? At this point, we just want to let her be to do what she wants, even if it kills her, but that seems cruel. We just don't know what to do. Any thoughts?
2007-09-05 05:23:46 · 13 answers · asked by Vbonics 6 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Just be there for her! She is old and she doesn't have much left except her family. I think that she is probably scared! I would be too! Just keep doing what your doing, and pray for her!
Good Luck!
2007-09-07 03:58:45 · answer #1 · answered by Don't be taken for granted! 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
When an individual is diagnosed with cancer, it is not at all unusual for them to buck the rules. It's merely their way of trying to regain some control over their lives. Your grandmother is essentially at the mercy of the cancer, the doctors, the nursing home, the medical establishment, etc. In order to feel like she has some control over her life/environment, she is going to make her own rules. Again, it's all about control.
I would allow her the small amount of control. Allow her to have her dignity during a time when there is little to be had. Life as she has known it is over, so let her have her small comforts. See her rebelliousness as kind of a fighting spirit. She is not going to allow the cancer or nursing home to control her world.
2007-09-05 06:31:31 · answer #2 · answered by ? 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The poor woman is terrified. As is anyone who is told they have stomach cancer on top of everything else. All you can do is give her a lot of hope, be tolerant of her smoking (that's not what is killing her...) and try to encourage her to be a positive participant in her own treatment. She's scared to death and doesn't need you battling her like self-righteous health freaks, which is the way you eventually will start looking to her.
Let her do what she wants, visit her, encourage her, give her hope, make sure she has enough pain medication, be her loving family - that's the minimum someone deserves in that situation!
2007-09-05 05:29:42 · answer #3 · answered by kathyw 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your grandmother isn't crazy, she's OLD, SICK and coming to the END OF LIFE.
She's also an adult, so you might consider treating her as such. I'm sure it's FRIGHTENING and scary for her to have moved to a completely strange place and away from all of her furniture and other personal things she may have treasured for years and years(how would you like it?).....
so let her do what she will do. She has every right to enjoy the end of her life, and if she wants to smoke, well, who cares? it doesn't affect you, anyway.
elderly people who are in nursing homes do the best they can. they are set in their ways, and they DO become frustrated. everything they have "known" in their lives is pretty much gone, and their freedom is also gone...
i'd be grouchy too!
2007-09-05 05:39:23 · answer #4 · answered by letterstoheather 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She's not crazy, she's just old and with all the ailments. I think for older people to live in the nursing homes, sometimes the nurse's can be mean to the old people too. She probably feels that her life is ending because there is so much wrong with her. Go in and visit her and if she can have flowers take some to her. or go in with some ice cream. or take her a stuffed animal. play music for her. they really like music. go in a cheer her up. take her out to dinner if she can go or go eat lunch with her. She's not crazy. just feeling old.
2007-09-05 06:29:04 · answer #5 · answered by jennajade 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Other than protecting her physical safety (environment, not medical) I don't believe the family has the right to restrict her behavior. She is not a child, she is an adult and as long as she has her senses about her, she should be allowed to live her life as she sees fit. She has earned that right. On the other hand, if you are dealing with Alzheimer type issues wherein she is not functioning on an adult level, then certainly the family will have to step in and alter the behavior.
2007-09-05 05:29:01 · answer #6 · answered by ragann63 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
let her enjoy the last few years of her life the way she wants to. She has lived a long time and I am sure she knows all the negatives of smoking but still SHE choses to. So let her and don't try to change her. Enjoy the time you have with her and don't worry about every little thing life is too short.
good luck
2007-09-05 05:31:26 · answer #7 · answered by Layla B 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
'This is hard for your family, I am sure, I don't know how old your grandmother is, but, if she is much older, she understands what her odds of recuperation are. Perhaps, she just wants to live what she has left, doing what makes her happy. We don't always understand someone's feelings, especially during illness. This, I suspect, is what's going on. If you have talked to her time and time again, with no change, there really isn't anything you can do. Just be there for her, and love her.
2007-09-05 05:36:33 · answer #8 · answered by june clever 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Often this is how older adults handle situations of this type. You can sit her down and let her know how much you all care about her and that she does not need to give up on herself. Try to do things with her that will lift her spirits. Remind her that she still is needed and wanted. Give her all the love you can.
2007-09-05 05:29:40 · answer #9 · answered by djmaximus 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If she wants to smoke, let her. She has a lot of very serious health problems that she likely sees as never improving. She wants to "Party like its 1999" so LET her! Maybe find her some hot old guy to party with!
2007-09-05 06:02:32 · answer #10 · answered by undone 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋