I am trying to arrange a meeting with a guy I met though a personals ad. I am a women so I am trying to meet in a public place, ask for references..etc. He has agreed to meet in a public place but will not provide references(landline phone, home address, company he works for etc). His arguement is if I get references from him, then I should give him some. My arguement is no because I am a women and it is more dangerous for a woman.. He says that is not fair. He says there are lots of woman criminals. I have to admit I am being swayed by these arguements. So tell me, is it really not fair?
2007-09-05 05:19:33 · 13 answers · asked by meanpromqueen 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
the thing is that you do not feel secure about revealing your references, but then, if you can be scared, so can anyone else...
and that is applicable to both sex.
now - how can you feel secure if you do not have his references?
see, the problem is this, to know about this guy (hence feel more secure as related to him), you need to compromise by giving your references (hence be vulnerable to him)!!
so basically, you are in a tight spot!!
now its your call
start by trusting others to an extent that others usually trust people with, or walk on your safe path
what makes me HESITATE as to trust this guy is that he is asking you for references before providing his
this could just be a normal reaction to your question, nevertheless it makes me be on my guard as to whether or not to trust the intentions of the person
so you decide!!
and yes, in this case, decide with your brains, not with your feelings!!!
2007-09-05 05:44:48 · answer #1 · answered by kool_dude_0_9 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is how you keep from having to give out your personal information....and dont need his.
First of all, agree that you meet in the public place.
Do not go anywhere with him in a car at the first meeting.
Have a friend you can really really trust on standby just in case you get into trouble. This person knows that if they dont get a phone call from you at a certain time, that they are to notify the police:
What car your driving ( make/model)
License plate # on the car
Where you went
Everything you DO know about him (screen name, copies of conversations, ect.)
During the course of the evening, go to the restroom, call your friend, give her a description of him, be VERY specific
You can even tell him that you have this plan in place if you want to....couldnt hurt.
Look... dont be scared to meet him... just as if you meet someone on the street, if you get bad vibes.... WALK AWAY.
He cant do anything to you that any other stranger wouldnt get away with. If he tries something, call the cops. You nor he wants that. So just relax and be smart.
2007-09-05 12:34:10 · answer #2 · answered by pink 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It really is not fair. Yes, he could stalk and torment you. Just as you could stalk and torment him. That does happen and he is right about that. Maybe you could just ask for references from friends. I'll bet if you brainstormed together, you could end up finding that you have 1 acquaintance or friend in common somewhere and he or she could point you both in directions to find out about each other from real live people.
Then, if you get information about where he works, etc., it at least won't be as if you are two strangers looking for prey.
If you are dealing with personals, you should always be prepared to deal with restraining orders, etc. If you're afraid to use legal means to protect yourself, you shouldn't be dealing with strangers. Neither should he.
2007-09-05 12:26:14 · answer #3 · answered by kathyw 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well to be honest with you, you could be a serial killer or some sort of scam artist. If he divulged all this info to you, whats to say that you wouldn't use it for some sort of evil purpose or another. No offense, but he doesn't know you. Meeting in a public place is an excellent idea, however I wouldn't go anywhere alone with him after.
2007-09-05 12:37:53 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think that you both should meet in a public place , after arriving alone, don't exchange references at first, just see if you like one another....if it works out you can contact each other thu e-mail....
it's not only dangerous for a female ...but male too have bad things that happen to them....
2007-09-05 12:35:47 · answer #5 · answered by blue moon lady 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like there is no potential for a future relationship if the two of you can't resolve this issue. Drop it and find someone else. (I agree that women are more vulnerable, perhaps you should bring a friend?)
2007-09-05 12:24:39 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
keep the playing grounds equal...only ask of him what you'd ask of yourself. every guy out there knows a girl he'd never date because of how crazy she is. he is simply being safe, something you should consider as a smart move. it'd be unfair of you to ask something of him that you wouldn't give yourself because of a partially sexist reason...that's a double standard. it wouldn't hurt to give him references as long as he does the same, that way you both are truly equal. Enough said.
2007-09-05 12:24:48 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I agree with him... especially because you refuse to give references. That just makes you sound even more suspicious to him.
What's the point in arguing? It won't hurt to let him check up on you, too.
2007-09-05 12:23:34 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
I agree with him. If you "require" (and you should) info on him, he has the same right. If you're not willing to do that, then don't go out with him.
2007-09-05 12:28:58 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
give nothing till u have meet and at the meeting if it goese well give phoone numbers only and make it clear if he shows near ur house uninvted ur thourgh
2007-09-05 12:24:27 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋