My niece who is 18 year old turning 19 years old in the upcoming weeks wants to get pregnant so her 15 year old boyfriend he turns 16 i think at the end of the school year will have to marry her?I am very concerned her parents are divorced have been since she was 10 yrs old .Since then she has gotten kicked out of 3 different boarding schools and caused so much trouble failing classes,getting arrested for assulting her step mother, and a DUI neither of her parents want to deal with her.I was asked by her mom (my sister) to take her in for her senior year of highschool.Its been a year and half since she's been living with me. I got her to graduate HS through a lot of nagging and even got her to sign up for classes at the local community college.She seemed to be turning around till i found the ovulation kit and when i confronted her she said she wanted to ensure her bf would have to marry her?Saying he was a good catch and already promised to marry her when he turns 18.
2007-09-05 04:50:11 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
I love my niece very much but if she were to get pregnant i would not be able to help her financially.She does not pay rent as it is or help out around the house but her parents are paying for her tuition as well as sending me some extra cash that goes into buying her food clothing ect.Her bf is a very sweet kid honor roll student want to be a computer engineer who is completley smitten with my niece.
2007-09-05 04:51:08 · update #1
I wouldn't threaten, I would just do it. sometimes you just can't help certain people and why continue undue stress on yourself. PLUS, I'd tell the boys parents and the boy himself. If he's an honor roll student, he should be smart enough to know that having a child would cause an undue hardship on him, having to work to pay for the child, not going to college on schedule, etc.
talk to him AND his parents, throw her out as hard as it may be to do it. by not doing so, you are enabling her behavior and she knows she doesn't have to accept any responsibility. her trying to get pregnant proves just that...her thinking is HE'LL have to take care of HER and the baby. Very selfish and very irresponsible. And trust me, once the baby comes, you'll have a harder time with her and it'll be harder for you to try and throw her out because you'll be thinking about the baby.
case in point, my sister. I wish my mother would throw her out. She just turned 22 about 2 wks ago. She has 2 girls, my nieces who I love deeply. The older one just turned 5 this past weekend, the younger will turn 4 in february. She got pregnant 2 months before she turned 15. She didn't tell us till she was already 4 months pregnant. My mom made her get an abortion anyway because she was so young. My mom trusting her completely and "knowing" that my sis learned her lesson, allowed the same behavior. Well, she got pregnant again at 16. She had just turned 17 when my niece was born. There was a whole lotta drama going on about who the father was etc., and the boyfriend she currently had (who was a candidate for fatherhood) was abusing her and stuff. I told my mom what to do but my mom was under the impression that my sister would "learn" and get out of the relationship and grow up..she was going to have a baby afterall, she HAD to grow up right? My mom never called the cops on this guy, the day I did, he stopped hitting her, but she continued seeing him. This guy was a real ***, called my mom up called her a whore, called my dad up called him a pu$$y and that he wasn't a real man (my mom and dad are divorced). called my brother up called him a retard (he has a learning disability), would call my sister every name in the book. he never called me up to tell me anything, he was too afraid.
anyway, turned out that he wasn't the father, another guy was. but now that there was nothing tying my sister to him, she goes and gets pregnant again..at 17. My niece wasn't even a year old yet. She would even threaten my mom that she was gonna move out. I called her bluff and brought cardboard boxes to pack her crap. Of course she never did and even stopped threatening to leave. This continued till after my sister had my 2nd niece. finally she broke up with the guy but I'm sure she still has sex with him. She practically tells on herself or he'll call, talk to my mom (which I don't know why my mom agrees to talk to him) tells her that they were "together". My mom tells herself that they just hung out. My mom, god love her but she lives in la la land.
Now, my sister is at it again, for the past couple months she's been going out every night...EVERY night. She's even not come home on occasion (they don't think I know but I do..I live right behind my mother, I'm not stupid, dead or blind..helloooo) and my mom continues to put up with the behavior. My sister even went out on my niece's birthday this past weekend. The whole time we were having the little party she was on the phone making her arrangements instead of taking care of things. But my mom allows this. My mom hopes that she'll change...but this is selfish because the thought is when the person does change you can say it was your doing. But all it really does is enable the person to continue the behavior meanwhile you're stressed out, getting sick because of it. My mom needs to throw my sister out so that she can accept responsibility for herself, then maybe she'll grow up. and if she doesn't, at least we don't have to stress over it. But my mom won't do it, her excuse is the girls, she worries about them. But all that's doing is causing HER to care for the girls while my sister does nothing. I thought this way too, but though it was very VERY hard, I got myself to stop thinking that way because I too was enabling my sister's responsibility. She figures we'll do it so why should she have to. She knows the girls will come to my house in the morning, tell me their hungry, and I'll feed them. I had to train myself to stop doing that. Instead, I tell them "go tell your momma." I'm pretty sure they do but she's so lazy, she doesn't get up...and it's already like 11am. She doesn't care. I'm pretty sure my mom ends up feeding them instead of telling my sister to do it.
it's a mess, I'd throw this girl out and tell the boy and his parents. think of the boy too. you wouldn't want to ruin his life over a selfish niece would you? (not that a baby ruins your life but you know what I mean...he doesn't deserve that, he deserves better, he deserves to finish out his schooling, become a productive member of society.) if he chooses to marry her when he turns 18, that's his decision. But I highly doubt he will. in 3 years he'll have changed his mind, focusing more on school, college AND his future, his goals and his dreams. But let him make that choice, it shouldn't be made for him.
2007-09-05 05:27:23 · answer #1 · answered by ´¯0())))»·.¸¸.·´´¯`··._.· 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
To sum it up, your niece is very selfish and clueless. She needs therapy immediately. Congratulations to you for getting her to finish school and give her room and board.
I would recommend that you make things crystal clear for her and her underage boyfriend (statutory rape?) as follows:
1) You get pregnant you are gone - no room and board.
2) Enforce that education equals freedom. You can get a better job and make money.
3) Talk to the boyfriend (and his parents) and tell him your niece's master plan. He has a future that may very well end being a father at 15 years old. If he can't put on a condom he shouldn't have sex.
4) Check the laws, your niece may be raping this boy.
It is time for tough love and you will not be Miss Congeniality, but many lives will be ruined if you don't take action.
Good luck.
2007-09-07 02:09:05 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Kicking her out isn't going to solve the problem I am afraid. Threathening to report her to the police might do more of a trick since she is 19 and he is only 15. Also, if she doesn't even have a job and neither does he, how do they expect to support a kid? No 15 year old is going to be pin down to a girl much less a baby. He is only smitten by her because he is a teenager and his hormones are raging, when that passes where is that going to leave her. She is certainly sweet maybe, but definitely stupid.
2007-09-05 05:00:33 · answer #3 · answered by Pinolera 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
An 18 can year old can go to jail for having sex with a person under the age of 16. Look at your state's laws on age of consent. She can be arrested and thrown in jail for statutory rape if his parents press rape charges against your niece. So she should be prepared to go to jail for a long time and then register as a sex offender for the rest of her life if she gets pregnant by this boy. She should find someone her own age so she doesn't go to jail and leave the poor boy alone. Yes I'd kick her out. I'd file rape charges against her myself if I found out my 18 year old daughter was having sex with a 15 year old.
2007-09-05 05:56:22 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Sit down with her and try to explain that having a baby now isn't necessarily such a good idea, especially with the boyfriend being so young. If she gets pregnant just so he has to marry her she may be in for a big surprise, especially if he thinks she is on birth control or something. He could end up resenting her and leaving her because of it. Maybe if you explain that to her she will see reason. They have no reason to rush, they are still just kids (though I might not tell her that if I were you). In any event. good luck!
2007-09-05 05:02:34 · answer #5 · answered by Okino 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You need to let her know that she will be prosecuted for statitory rape, and in all probability will lose custody of her child while serving her prison sentence.
She is an adult, and has the right to make her own choices, and you are an adult as well. She needs to know you love her and want the best for her, but you cannot stand quietly aside with the knowledge that she's having sex (especially unprotected sex) with a CHILD and trying to make a baby that will also be endangered by her actions.
And then you need to be proactive and let her know you'll be contacting the boys parents and the police.
2007-09-05 05:00:07 · answer #6 · answered by amosunknown 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Church and state are meant to be separated. Which could propose no faith in any respect at school. i'm an atheist too and that i come across it offending that different scholars could make comments approximately loving god, and when I say i do no longer think of there's a god i'm ostracized, via different scholars and instructors. i do no longer think of they should have been waiting to sell a church provider for graduation on the college I attended the two.
2016-10-10 00:15:02 · answer #7 · answered by dermio 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't know that I would threaten to kick her out, but she really needs to think about what she is doing. trapping a bf into marriage is not going to help her out any especially if he is only 15. he is just a kid. and what are the state laws in your area. if she gets pregnant, she could potentially be charged with statutory rape if he is under age. I would really talk to her, but not judgementally. Tell her there are better options on how to get him to marry her later.
2007-09-05 05:10:26 · answer #8 · answered by j_lynn_griff 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Tell her you can't afford her and a baby. Make sure she knows if she gets preg, she'll have to find a new home.
You could point out he won't be a good catch when has to quit high school and work somewhere for min wage to pay for her and a baby. She should know he'll stick around if he loves her, if not, it won't matter, he'll just leave anyway.
You've done alot for her, don't be afraid to say enough is enough.
2007-09-05 05:05:22 · answer #9 · answered by Bridget S 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I would let her talk to a detective from your local sex crimes unit and let him explain to her that she will be charged with rape and how that charge will affect her for the rest of her life. I would also get her into therapy as soon as possible!! She is obviuosly trying to fill some sort of void in her life. Sounds like she has abandonment issues since she is trying to make the guy stay with her. It will ruin her life and his. You should tell his parents what she is trying to do. It's not fair for him to get trapped in a situation like that.
2007-09-05 05:58:33 · answer #10 · answered by Lisa P 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Do his parent know of this little plan to trap him into marriage? I would make them aware of the pregnancy plan. Also, having been a WILD teen myself- threats mean nothing. If you tell her she has to leave if she does ABC - than you better follow through with XYZ otherwise she'll run all over you. I'll keep you in my prayers. really. best wishes.
2007-09-05 05:59:59 · answer #11 · answered by snarf girl 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋