Absent father..what do I do?

Question

My daughter's dad moved to U.K. 4 years ago. Until then we shared custody on a week on week off basis. Since he moved she has been going to him on hols. 6 months ago he broke up with the mother of his 6 yr old and now lives in a van so for the last couple of visits my daughter has been staying with his ex. I have become very frustrated by his lack of input into my daughter's life, schooling etc. I wrote him a letter outlining this and asked him specifically to come over here to Ireland for a couple of weeks around the time she was starting secondary school as I really believe his support would be good. He's come over alright but has lined up so much work he is hardly going to see her. How do I get across to him how important it is to have more input? Am I wrong in thinking that a 12 yr girl needs her dad around more than a 6 yr old? Am I wrong in thinking that she would be better off staying with me on hols rather than his ex and that he come here in term time for a few weeks instead

Answer 1

I don't know why are you struggling with him. He is showing from all sides how irresponsible he is, and you still looking for him. Your daughter, I know she's young but she is not dumb, she sees and know what's going on, You need to talk to her, explain up to her LEVEL, that things get tougher sometimes but the important thing is that you are together and you are a Team. She need to know about his position, so she won't be wondering or think that he doesn't love her, but she needs to know that she has nothing to do with the adults decision's (even though she's hurt in the process, but that's where you need to use your brain).
The other mother is probably going thru the same.....I would rather be alone and happy than in the middle of a drama life...is not worth it...remember:: who doesn't help is on your way, swipe them off!!
A mother is totally capable to act as a father also. The kids grow up one day, and they'll be so proud of you, then they will make smart decisions also, because they had a good Mom&Dad in one. Sometimes they decide to go and "look" for "Daddy", but trust me, after they see the looser, they will be running back home to you...you need to trust what you taught. One advise: never talk negatives things about the father....just say, he will face consequences for his irresponsability later for his acts, but you are not his Judge....period)

Answer 2

Sometimes us women NEED and Have to make decisions for ourselves, especially when it comes to our children. You don't really need his input, do you? Get on with making the decision for him, and if he has any issues about it, then throw it up his face and let him know that he is NOT around as father to help with making decisions about your daughters future. That'll put him in his place.
-Good luck and God Bless.

Answer 3

realize you can't control what HE does on his visits.

meanwhile make the most of your relationship with your daughter and do what you think a good parent needs to do.

you are trying to control what your ex does... outlining what he needs to do is bordering on rediculous.