Reasons to stay with BF?

Question

I've been with my live-in boyfriend for a total of 4.5 years. We've known eachother 6 years and had a break in our relationship for 1.5 years. We are very serious and are probably going to get married. I still feel unhappy though, although it isn't really his fault. I find that I cannot really turn to him for that much emotional support, he doesn't understand deep human emotions (like if someone moves far away they get lonely and may become depressed), I don't enjoy the sex and am not sexually attracted, and beginning to feel like he cannot help provide a comfortable life because he is pretty cheap. The good things about him are that he is trustworthy, a nice, happy person, cute, simple and usually easygoing, never yells at me or acts like a brat. I do love and care about him because I have known him so long... but lately I feel like my needs are not being met emotionally and materially. Don't know if I am just taking him for granted. What do u think? I am 25 y.o.

Answer 1

I think if YOU can't find reasons to stay with him other than his good qualities, then you're in something you're in for connection. And I don't mean connection emotionally, I mean you've known this guy so long that you don't feel you're moving forward anymore. But that's what happens when you're in a long term relationship. It's like a match, it ignites and burns out fast, but if you want fire, you gotta light up another. So you gotta work to keep the relationship where you want it to be. I don't think you don't want him anymore, I think you just feel neglected emotionally. But like every other thing that breaks, the relationship needs to be taken care of too. Try doing things you once loved together and do things out of the ordinary. You have to show him that you want all these things you're asking for. HE's not a mind reader. ANd you may want to start seeing things the other way. He may be taking you for granted. Good luck and I hope you decide to work things out for the best.

Answer 2

i would seek counseling for yourself. talking to a professional about your relationship could help immensely it may not be him at all and you may be just unhappy with yourself. see if he would be willing to see someone also maybe you can find a relationship counselor and you can work out problems infront of the professional and he would be more willing to talk knowing your unhappy.then maybe he would open up more emotionally.sounds like your having a spell of depression, it will effect your sexual drive and make sex a chore its not him it you and you should try to get some help.sometimes when we get so comfortable with one person we start to see the little things more and more and they may be the things we don't like but in the end they sometimes are petty.i would go see a professional see if your depressed and talk to some1 before you make any rash decisions.if you could get him to a counselor and do some couples counseling then maybe he could learn how to open up emotionally for you, he may have been brought up in an environment where emotions weren't available for him so being closed off emotionally is all he knows.if he is serious and loves you enough he will want to do was is best for your relationship. hope this helps a bit . good luck :)

Answer 3

It sounds like your cons are a lot more important than your pros. Emotional support is HUGE in a relationship. I would suggest that you go see a counselor and work out these things on your own. You may want to ask him for another break so you can see if it's him that you miss or just the comfort of having someone around. You may wind up resenting him eventually because he's not meeting some pretty important needs so you really need to get this straightened out before he proposes.

Answer 4

Your foster mother wants a reasonable reason as to why you are not allowed? Consider this: perhaps she feels that you are too young not just in age, but mentally too. I don't mean for this to sound offensive, but have a long think about why you asked for her approval in the first place... were you perhaps deep down hoping and expecting her to say no? Because in all of this time its taken you to get worked up about not being able to go stay with your bf, you could have just as easily called up a mate, arranged for her to cover for you, and stayed over at your bf's with no questions asked, and no worried foster mothers/social workers/parents...

Answer 5

Well, you are in a tough situation. When you are in a relationship that person should be everything that you desire him or her to be! Your needs should be met as well as theirs. If you are not happy then maybe you shoudl step back and re evaluate your relationship. Why spend then next 2, 3 , 5 or 10 years discovering that you were never meant to be? Maybe being just very close friends is what it should be so that nobody gets deeply hurt. Divorce and all that craziness is very devastating to everyone involved! Trust me I have been there. Step back and take the time you need to re-evaluate everything and then sit down with him and go over what you came up with. If he really is all that to you then maybe you need to change something in yourself. If not then let him know and just be friends. Good luck with all that! Have a great day!!!

Answer 6

I think you are being totally unfair to YOURSELF!!

Why on earth would a young woman of 25 stay with someone who isn't supportive, who is cheap, doesn't listen. Even if he doesn't "understand" your depression or feelings, the least he could do is stop, listen and "be there" for you. Apparently it's ALL ABOUT HIM....

I think you need to reasses YOUR needs, and do what is best for you... Why strap yourself down to someone you don't enjoy sex with and who you aren't into?

take care of YOU please. otherwise, you might be miserable for the duration... and believe me, your dissatisfaction will grow and your marriage will be miserable, and so will he in the long run

I also think you need to ask him to sit down and listen.. tell him how you FEEL.. "I feel....." whatever... write a list if you have to... your relationship seems to have come to a point where you either need to sink or swim. meanwhile, TALKING and getting things out into the open seems very necessary.

take care of YOU.. no one else will!

Answer 7

The fact that you even posted this question should let you know that there is enough doubt in your mind to not get married..Please don't settle.. He is probably as unhappy as you, but also afraid to move on..I know it is easy to say and hard to do... Could you imagine feeling the way you do now for the rest of your life...

Answer 8

Do you realise that you are on yahoo answers asking a bunch of stranger if there is any reason why you should stay with your b/f? Honestly i think you already know the answer but you are not sure if you are ready to face the out come.

Answer 9

if there are only positive points then what are u thinking about.
SEX is is very imp for a man, well if u can give it it is ok but if u want it once in 3 months then u have to provide an alternative the ball will be always in your court.

Answer 10

If you are having doubts about the relationship you shouldn't get married. You guys need to work on all of these issues before you walk down the aisle.