MY BOYFRIEND HAS BEEN CAUGHT LYING TO ME LOADSA TIMES. ITS NEVER REALLY SERIOUS (THAT I KNOW OF). THING IS, I WORRY THAT IF HE LIES AND EXAGGERATES ABOUT SILLY THINGS WOT ELSE IS HE LYING ABOUT? I THINK HE IS LOVELY AND EVERYONE LIKES HIM BUT HE SEEMS TO LIE FOR NO REASON. WE HAVE HAD A VERY INTENSE RELATIONSHIP FOR ABOUT SIX MONTHS AND HE SHOULD KNOW THAT HE HAS NO NEED TO LIE TO ME. I WANT TO MAKE A DECISION ABOUT OUR FUTURE BEFORE I GET IN TOO DEEP. MY FRIENDS SAY TO GO WITH THE FLOW AND SEE WHAT HAPPENS BUT IM BEGINNING TO QUESTION EVERYTHING HE TELLS ME. WHAT SHOULD I DO?
2007-09-05 03:55:08 · 51 answers · asked by pinkchick 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
It seems hard for you to admit, but he has no reason to change! He lies, you accept it, no harm done. He will continue to lie to you and even if you tell him you won't accept it anymore, it's unlikely he will make some 180 turn-around since you've always overlooked it in the past.
Past behavior is a predictor of future behavior... (in both of your cases). You continue to deal with it, he continues to lie. Stop the cycle or you will surely be in for a world of hurt (in the form of dishonestly, loss of trust or worse.)
Also, this relationship is too young for you to really know what he has lied to you about and if he lies about little things, you can bet he lies about big things too. I know, I've been there. I thought I was dating a great, fun guy who treated me well, but just over exaggerated or told weird "white lies" here and there. Turns out he was a compulsive liar and turned into a complete jerk. See, someone who lies often and about many things, is also good at concealing their true personality (just another form of lying)... and they can be dangerous!! I know this doesn't seem feasible to you now, but you should be very cautious if you choose to stay in this relationship. If you can do it, it would probably be best for you to walk away now, as it seems that he already has you questioning yourself and that is the first step to him controlling you and making your think you are crazy or imagining things. Trust yourself, not him. Get out.
2007-09-05 04:01:02 · answer #1 · answered by I, Sapient 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why would you stay with someone that you know lies? Is your self esteem that low? Do you not think that you can do better? Does he just lie because you type in caps all the time and that is how he gets back at you. We may never know the answers to these questions...but you should find someone that doesnt lie and you wont end up with 10 years from now in a doublewide with a baby on the hip, 1 on the way, and 1 trying to put a knife into a power outlet and he has jobs that keep him "away" from you and the kids and the special needs dog that got hit be a '97 Ford Escort and is now missing 1 and a half legs and you hate yourself. You hate yourself for not heeding the advice of that guy on Yahoo Answers what seemed like a million years ago.
2007-09-05 04:04:27 · answer #2 · answered by James K 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Some people have a serious issue about lying. It's a bad habit and he may need real mental help if he wants to make an effort to stop. If he's lying about the same things, then he's going to upgrade to lying about the more important things if he hasn't done so already.
Let him know it is not okay for him to lie to you even if its just little white lies. Let him know that it makes you feel uncomfortable because you feel like you are second guessing him.
And in the end the real question is can you live the rest of your life with someone who lies and still be happy?
2007-09-05 04:03:19 · answer #3 · answered by tofu 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Not a good problem to have. Some people "need to Lie". They Cannot go a day without lying, it truly is a mental defect. The lies all run together. My neighbor has a need to lie about everything, In fact, His wife still thinks (after 3 years or marriage) that he played baseball for the Dodgers, and that he has millions in an account, that he will tap into one day. I have known him my entire life and this is not true, he's never left the state. I told her it was a lie and she said that I was jealous, Poor girl. remember you are judged by who you associate with. Don't hang with liars. Nothing good will come of it. Honesty is the Most important part of any relationship, don't settle
2007-09-05 04:04:52 · answer #4 · answered by Kraig P 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
My dear, you will do what you want to do. But if I were you, I would give him up now, and quickly. Believe me, YOU CANNOT CHANGE HIM. He will not change without help and not even then, not unless he sees the need to change.If you think this is hard to deal with now,what if you had a baby by this man? He may have a personality disorder, however I don't know this. I only know that if you stay involved with him you will have a miserable life. And that it will get WORSE. My opinion is that chronics liars are not "lovely." His lying is not dependent on whether he trusts you or not. It is dependent on something troubling in his personality. Your "going with the flow" like your friends suggest can get you in over your head, and drowned. My very best wishes to you. I hope that you will continue to listen to those warning voices in your head, and that they will help you to make the right decision.
2007-09-05 04:13:27 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he's lying a lot then he doesn't value the truth and is not someone you would want to trust with much (especially not your heart) Unfortunately I have spent too much time with really personable liars. I'd look for someone more worthy of your attention. A good book to check out is The Sociopath Next Door. I found it to be very helpful in evaluating the people I deal with on a regular basis.
2007-09-05 04:28:16 · answer #6 · answered by eric f 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Some people lie to make their lives seem more interesting and some people lie as they have a deep underlying problem and that is there way of dealing with it. Ask him why he lies to you, most compulsive liars do not know why, and ask him to speak to his doctor and get it sorted, if you really want to be with him. Otherwise, tell him you are not going to hang around for a liar and that you will end the relationship, this may kick him into action and get some help.
2007-09-05 03:59:51 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
The first mistake many people make in a relationship is thinking they can change the other person. It rarely happens. RARELY!
So, you have to decide which is more important, this guy, or the truth. There are plenty of guys out there who do not feel the need to lie about anything (except maybe that surprise party they're throwing for you).
2007-09-05 04:01:10 · answer #8 · answered by Loves the Ponies 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you are beginning to question everything he tells you then I think you should call it a day, as it will ruin your relationship. I was with a liar for 5 years, and eventually they have you questioning your own sanity. If they lie to you and get away with it once, they do it all the time. I used to give him the benefit of the doubt, and it has made me very untrusting, even though I am now married to someone else, I find myself questioning him a lot.
2007-09-05 04:00:27 · answer #9 · answered by Nickynackynoo 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The fact that you have found out he has lied and that you have doubts is serious enough to make a decision based on these two facts. Like you say, what else is he lying about - seems pretty childish and pointless to me. He needs to wise up and realise that lies always get found out and come back to bite you on the ****. He's only upsetting you with his lies, this is disrespectful and he's not worthy of you.
2007-09-05 04:00:22 · answer #10 · answered by JonesTheMiner 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋