Need Help dealing with my Brothers Death!!?

Question

My brother passed away a little over 2 weeks ago and I feel like I am going crazy!! I want him back so bad!! I spend so much time on the computer trying to find ways to fix him and I know I can't fix him, he's gone...FOREVER!!! That drives me crazy!! We were so close, we talked daily and I don't know how to laugh anymore, all I really want to do is stay in bed!! But I have a family who needs me and I need them!! I can't talk to my parents about this, they are dealing with their pain and of course I am the strong one for them~~ When you talk to your friends they don't know what to say to you!! So you really are just left alone, I do talk to God a lot, and I know He is helping me!! I just need to know if there is anyone that understands what I am feeling?? Is it normal or am I going crazy???

I am 41, with 3 grown children and 2 grand-children! My brothers death was sudden and he was my only sibling. I was and still am the rock of my family, everyone thinks I can fix everything, even he thought that, I feel like I let him down!! I could not fix him when he obviously needed to be fixed!! He died from liver failure!! I guess part of me knew it was coming, we did not know, but we did see him changing!! I begged him to go to the Dr and he would not go!! He called me on Sat morning (the 18th) and said he felt like he was dying, I rushed him to the ER and he was dead 48 hours later!!! I did not do a very goof job of fixing my baby brother, did I???

Answer 1

What you are feeling is totally normal. It is devastating to lose a loved one and my heart goes out to you and your family. I know you are trying to be the strength in this situation, but you cannot be afraid to ask for help if you need it. Grief counseling may be a good option for you and your family. Also, talk to your parents about your feelings. You all need to be there to support each other, and it can be very therapeutic to talk about it.

Good luck, and stay strong.

Answer 2

I know how it feels when u loose a loved one... There isnt anything more painful than that... Even if u would want ur friends to tell u something to feel better, u surely wouldnt...or at least u would for a short time and then resume to ur bad mood... I lost my grandpa 2 years ago... Altought he was 70 he felt young and vivid like a50 year old, but then he got cancer and died a painful death in front of our eyes, with nothing we could do for him... not the best doctors, not the best medicine treatments, nothing could prevent him from dying... he even had trouble remembering who we were, and didnt evem recognize his family anymore...that was also, by far, the worst experience of my life... Then, by best friend's 48 year old mom died in a morning, due to a heart attack...nobody expected this either...
It isnt easy for anyone... we all have the same bad feelings... As i see, probably u never lost someone so close to u , since this feeling is new to u... i really hope u wont have it anymore pretty soon...
I cant say anything to make u feel better though, but only to reasure u that it is a cycle of life and , hopefully, u will see ur brother again in the after life... where u will have eternal sunshine...
What i can tell u is be strong (sounds lame, but u gotta do it)... try taking ur mind off his death (even if i know u cant) by doing something which is totally unrelated to him or what u used to do before... get urself involved in something... Try having activity... Dont even think of staying in bed just because of that... or at least, stay in bed one whooole day, to last u for the rest of ur days with pain, let the panic go through ur body, and then, the next morning, pick urself up, at no matter what cost, and dont even think of getting near the bed to lay there again...think that u had ur time of mourning and now it's time to carry on...Nobody will bring ur brother back(this is sad but true)
U'll see that, even if now u're passing through a storm, u will have a rainbow waiting for u in front... Life goes on, with good and bad...
My darling, i know it is hard, but u have to pass over it...
My condolences for u and ur family, and may ur brother RIP

Answer 3

You're not going crazy, hon. and i'm really very sorry for your pain and the loss of your brother.

You NEED to talk with your parents about this... you are family and that is what family is for... You don't have to be the "strong one" -- no one does.... GRIEF is a process and everyone goes through it.... so being "strong" isn't necessary, and probably not that helpful....expressing your feelings and thoughts does help. Getting things OUT instead of holding them IN can be comforting in the long run...

You are wanting to stay in bed because you are probably in some denial over you brother's death. It's not abnormal, hon.
I have found a few websites about the loss of a sibling, listed below. You can also do a search on COPING WITH GRIEF, COPING WITH LOSS if you like...

I hope these sites help, even a little. It's going to take time.

sending hugs

Answer 4

I'm so sorry for your loss. There is no easy way to deal with someones death. The pain lessens but it's always there. Last week was 5 yrs that my husband passed away and it felt like yesterday. I know how friends can be. I understand completely. It's normal and you're not going crazy. They have grief groups that could help because you'd be with other people who have lost someone. Good luck and I will pray for you to have the strengh to get you through this.

You can't feel guilty about your brothers death. It wasn't your fault. You have to know that there wasn't anything you could have done to save him. The only person that could do that was your brother.

I hope things work out for you and maybe it's time the rest of the family gives you support.

Answer 5

To lose someone close unexpectedly is always a hard thing to go through and will always leave a vacuum in your life. For a while, you must allow yourself to mourn, but do not allow yourself to become too depressed. Your daily routine helps at this point as it gives stability and direction. Even though all you want to do is stay in bed, that's the worst thing you can do.
As a simple way of letting out the grief, try writing your brother a letter, never to be sent or seen by anyone else...just tell him how you feel and how much you miss him...it can be a page, or a thousand pages...doesn't matter, it's not really for him, as he's moved on, which we all eventually do. This is for you, as a way to cope. And remember, time is your friend and you, too will move on...K ;o)

Answer 6

I lost my brother 12 years ago, and I still miss him. The one thing that got me through was remembering that one day we'd be together again. It helps, too, knowing that he is in a good place when this world is so screwed up. Don't feel bad about grieving; it's absolutely okay. It's better to deal with your feelings rather than suppress them for the sake of "being strong." Not dealing with your pain will only make it worse. When it's time to get up out of bed and move on, you will. Just remember that life is precious and very short, so seize every opportunity you can to tell the people you care about how much they mean to you, and live every moment to its fullest. I'm so very sorry about your brother; I know that you feel like a part of you died when he did. You won't ever be quite the same, but you'll be okay. I promise.

Answer 7

I know how alot of you people feel, because i lost my brother too. I lost my brother just last week, My brother was murdered by my uncle he bumped him on the road in my community. The hardest part is my brother was 22 yrs of age and he left his wife and his 4 beauitful children behind. My parents are trying to deal with it and so is my older brother and I.
We don't know what to do with ourselves today and we can't except the fact that he's gone and he's never coming back.
The day we lowered my brother into the ground was the hardest thing i have ever had to do, I just thought to myself is..... Why should we go and put my brother in that little whole and leave him there why why why!!!!! I love you my big brother and i'll never foget the times we shared.

Answer 8

This is not easy. I am sorry for your loss. when I was 17 I lost my best friend in a car accident. She died in the hospital without ever waking up from her coma. I know that you are trying to be "strong" for your parents. But your parents are grown and you are not. They still have an obligation to you too. Go to them. ASK them if you can start going to family counseling together. Therapists are there for a reason kiddo. Take it one day at a time, it will get better.

Answer 9

One of my brothers jumped off a bridge called Suicide Bridge in a big city when I was around the age of 14. Some guy walking his dog found him. I'm 46 now and still think about him at times. I don't think you can ever get over someone's death, expecially a relative It's very normal. My thing was counseling, but that didn't help.

Answer 10

There are five stages of grief

Denial
Anger
Barganing
Depression
Acceptance

You may have already gone through some of these stages or you may skip some of them. There is no time table for going through all the stages. Eventually you will come to the last stage and accept what has happened. Losing someone is very difficult to accept and to deal with. You should really talk to a grief counsler, it will help. Sorry for your loss, hope this helps.