7yrs. The thing is I don't really like his parents, his dad is ok but his mum she is two faced, she talks about me behind my back (even in my own house) then is nice to me the next as though i don't know. The thing is when we first got engaged we were constantly being asked when we going to have kids etc and now his sister has a baby to some lad she hasn't know two minutes (lucky it has worked out ok) anyway his parents are all for his sister and it winds me up how different they treat him to his sister she comes first he comes second, they visit her every week and us once a month if we r lucky. Anyway its his sisters 21st this month and my partner has decided that he isn't going because since his sister got with this bloke she doesn't bother with him unless she wants something (he has finally seen it!). I can guarantee they will think i have told him not to go, how can I handle this without me losing it and telling them exactly what i think about them...
2007-09-05 01:41:10 · 17 answers · asked by Trix01 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
and me thinking you were to marry the bloke, not his family ...
2007-09-05 01:48:01 · answer #1 · answered by Splishy 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Personally I think you should both go to his sister's 21st as not as you said would just cause more bother not only that but as we all do when we get in a relationship we tend to not see our friends and family so much, after all this is a new relationship and the fact that she only comes to him when she needs something(as long as she's not having a lend) isn't that what family are for.
As one of the other people said mother's usually don't find anyone is good enough for their sons and if she is bad mouthing you to your partner then he needs to say something.
I would imagine that his sister's child is the first grandchild and if so then they are going to make a fuss, plus remember there is going to be a bit of a different bond between mother and daughter because they have both now experienced motherhood. I would bet that should you choose to have children then she will be on your door step like a shot so enjoy the peace while you can.
If his mother doesn't come round then at least you can rest easy as she wont be able to fill your children's heads with nonsense.
2007-09-07 20:33:45 · answer #2 · answered by karen 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First thing you do is make sure the 2 of you are at his sisters birthday party. You are exactly right about you getting the blame if the 2 of you dont show up. And since you have decided to marry the guy, these people will be around for a LONG time! If he doesnt go, you dont go, a war gets started and you future hubby will still end up in agreement with his family with you on the outside. Thats how families like that work. So smile and try to make things nice or be prepared to be miserable from a lifetime of fighting with his family. good-luck.
2007-09-05 05:11:50 · answer #3 · answered by undone 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you should rise above it. Both of you get dressed up and go to his sisters 21st., it`s a big day for her, and her brother and you his partner should be there. Give her a nice present then get on with the party and enjoy it. As for his mother just ignore her. You will never win with her but you can just carry on and not let her silly ways spoil things between you two. One day she will realise you two are stuck like glue no matter what evil plot she hatches up.....Have a Great Time.
2007-09-05 02:06:23 · answer #4 · answered by JoJo 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You don't have to like the inlaws, but set some personal boundaries with them now... don't let them walk all over you, don't react to their comments or two-faced behavior. You don't have to be around them a lot, either.
Some people have personalities we would rather avoid, and when we get married, in-laws can be more like OUTLAWS sometimes!
I'd say gather your dignity, act like a lady and when you have to be around these people, do not react or let them affect you negatively.. don't get sucked in to their behaviors but rather change the subject, walk away, and don't comment at all.
It's rude of people to ask when you are going to have a baby, or any other personal question. Your best bet is to tell them "you are intruding" when they ask such questions. Because they are intruding!
Also, sometimes it seems as one child is "favored" over the other.... let it be, dont' pay attention. You are marrying your guy, not them!
take care and all the best!
2007-09-05 02:21:07 · answer #5 · answered by letterstoheather 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you don't get on with them you should be glad that you only have to see them once a month.
Mothers never believe anyone is good enough for their sons. Also it sounds like the sister is younger so maybe they still see her as their baby who can do no wrong.
Talk to your partner (not his family) about how you are feeling...stay calm and rational...no matter how badly they treat you both, they are still his family and will want to defend them.
2007-09-05 01:50:01 · answer #6 · answered by penelope pitstop 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
sounds like my in laws......you are living and sleeping with your husband not his mother/father/sisters....the only person you need to make happy is your husband....i would politely tell his mom that you know she doesn't like you. but that you love her son and dont want to come in between the two...you cant change the way the mother treats her kids but you dont have to let them disrespect you in your own home or anywhere else. if he doesn't want to go to his sisters house then that's his choice.....who cares what other people might think why he didn't go......as long as you and him know the truth then that's all that matters
2007-09-05 01:57:32 · answer #7 · answered by $martA$$.com 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Been in a similar situation, sweetie. It takes real self-control not to let it all pour out on top of them. I now actually appreciate the infrequent visits from his parents, and my husband feels free of their madness.
Personally, I would let the 'laws' know that it is your fella's decision not to go to the 21st party, and for what reasons. You know in your heart that no matter what you tell them, or what he tells them, for that matter, they will believe it is all your fault. But at least you know it's been said.
It's a nightmare having awful in-laws. But to avoid total war just stay as far away as you can from them.
Good luck. xx
2007-09-05 01:51:51 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well if you hardly have to see them thank your lucky stars instead of getting upset over it when you dont like them anyway. Who cares what they think? You only need to care about what your bloke thinks and if hes on your side then just keep schtum and enjoy the peace of not having to see them.
2007-09-05 01:49:52 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
You should focus your energy on your relationship and ignore the family situation as they have their own issues which need to be sorted out by them, you should support him and not say too much about your ideas as you could end up being the one used as a scapegoat. Your partner should stand up to his Mother and tell her she should respect you in your home regardless of what she thinks of you. Hang in their and let them sort their own mess out. By leaving it up to them you can have peace of mind, situations always change!! Good luck
2007-09-05 09:27:24 · answer #10 · answered by kildarababe 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
keep your cool. you know you are a better person than any of them ever will be!
you have seen their true colours and as long as you dont try to taint you bf's view of them i cant see yours and his relationship failing.
forget about the sister, its their 1st grandchild and they're just excited about the new baby. they'll soon get tired of this and find something new to irritate you with.
all you have to do is pretend your not bothered by anything they say (i know it's hard, believe me i was in a similar situation myself not so long ago!) this will bother them more than anything ever did or ever will.
when they realise they cant annoy you anymore it will eat them up inside and they'll get bored of it. your bf should do the same.
it's just childish games. if it really does get out of hand though, why dont you or your bf talk to his dad, as you said he was ok. he may be able to sort something. obv he is going to stick up for his wife but you may say something he hasnt 'seen' yet and one day soon his eyes will be opened to it and he will have to say something as his sons life is being made a misery.
all the best!
2007-09-05 01:55:37 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋