unreliable boyfriend, how can i make him learn?

Question

i had a break from my boyfriend as he kept being unreliable, and not sticking to arrangements and forgetting he had made them,i warned him not to keep doin it but he did so i said i wanted to go on a break,i cut off contact from him,he was gutted,after a few days i went 2 meet him as he sounded in a bad way,he had been crying,not goin 2 work, constantly trying to get hold of me etc.we didnt talk about the argument as i didnot want to have another argument and he just wanted things back to normal, so we were very civil, so i think he thinks we are back together, since then he has not bothered to contact me, which is really annoying as he was so upset when he thought it was gonna b over, and wouldnt stop calling me, but now he thinks that we are ok he has not bothered to make any effort. surely he should be trying to meet me again and make it up 2 me? am i over reacting? it feels like he thinks he has got away with it, and will probably do it again cos i have taken him back,advice please

Answer 1

Run away. This person is manipulative, weak, and has no apparent positive attributes that you've mentioned.

Go find someone who will treat you better, and who can act like a mature person.

You'll be happier in the long run.

Answer 2

Well, first of all, taking a break is only a good idea once - if this is the first time you've done it, then here's your opportunity to learn. The way he behaved when you were apart, says to me that he really cares about you. He doesn't want to lose you, as his life isn't complete without you in it. Just because he hasn't contacted you since you got "back together", doesn't necessarily mean he's moved on. He just may not know what to say to you now, or may not want to fight again. Either way, this isn't going to get better. Arguments are part of any lasting relationship. They shouldn't be a part of every conversation, but they need to happen sometimes. It sounds like he really doesn't understand how much it hurts you that he continues to be unreliable, or how important that attribute is to you. If you've told him countless times already, and it really is making you unhappy in the relationship, then you need to make the decision. Don't avoid the topic, to avoid conflict - the frustration will only grow if you don't address the issue at hand.

Answer 3

I don't know how long you've been together, but it sounds like maybe you two aren't compatible. If he's unreliable to you and that's not making you happy, you need to find someone who is more reliable. If he's not the way you want a guy to be you need to find the right guy. He may be sad when you break up but time heals and he will move on like anyone else. It always hurts at first, but there are always new experiences waiting in the wings.

Answer 4

I don't think you can "make" him do anything. Do you still want to be with this guy? If he cannot keep to arrangements and that is important too you then maybe you are better off without him. Sometimes we think we have a right to change people, however i believe you can either work together to try and resolve the issue or you can end it. People rarely change totally and small changes are often the ones we can affect.

Answer 5

Hi there, sadly you may have to accept that his behaviour is all about seeking attention, if you have to constantly remind him of things then he got used to this. The way I see it is that he only forgets things that are relevant to you and him, does he "forget" to go to work? Does he forget to eat? And this big drama when you punish him, please, what a child. His behaviour by crying and calling was simply to deflect from the reason that you finished with him, now that he finally got your attention and in his world has got you back he's fine. Find a grown up and be done with him, you deserve better.

Answer 6

By not sticking to your original needs and (as it appears) taking him back, you let him know he can do whatever he wants...which is not a heck of a lot.

I'd try sitting him down and explaining what he needs to do to keep you happy, otherwise it won't work out...and it really won't. Eventually you will be sick of it and ready for a man that actually shows he cares.

Answer 7

This guy seems to be obsessed with wanting what he can't have and once he gets it he takes it for granted. You deserve better than him if he's not going to put in any effort into the relationship and treating you with respect. My ex said he'd chage for me and he never did. The truth is they don't change if they don't want to and you can't make them learn to change.

Answer 8

It is up to you to make him committ to not doing the same thing again. Just tell him that until he promises that it won't happen again, you will not go back. Tell him that if it does happen again, you will leave permanently without contact forever!!

Answer 9

Ditch him. Get him gone. Bye. Dont let the door hit his A*^ on the way out! Dont you think you deserve a bit better than that?

Answer 10

get close to him. Your approach is wrong because guys really do a personal talk. Hug him and if you can't talk just stay quiet and make love with him. Comfort him and make him confident. Guys like him is a desperate one. He is probably handsome to u so get him back before anyone else does.