Me and my boyfriend were on msn last night, then we got into an argument,he called me an ungrateful b***h, which really hurt me, we've argued before, but he's never ever called me names like that before. Then he just signed out, so i txt him saying he was out of order to call me an ungrateful b***h and that i dont know whats gotten into him. He replied, that maybe was cos he just found out tonight that one of his friend's had died while he was on holiday and for me to just leave him alone. Now for the whole night not once did he mention this to me, this hurt me too, cos he obv felt he couldnt share this information with me...yet he says he loves me. What should i do now....do as he says and just leave him alone or what?
2007-09-05 00:15:34 · 20 answers · asked by Sparkle 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
grief effects people in different ways, and may be your boyfriend is not the sort to cry on your shoulder, men can be like this sometimes, I know when my real mum died I said some nasty things to the people that I loved, I didn't mean to but I was really hurting and just lashed out, what he said was not called for but considering the circumstances maybe you can find it in your heart to forgive your boyfriend, we often take it out on the ones we love when we are hurting, if your boyfriend is usually loving and respectful towards you then I would forgive him for this out burst this time, but not if he did this again, give him some space, send him a text to tell him you are sorry for his loss and you are there for him if he needs to talk or just needs a hug then leave him a few days before you send one asking if he is OK. all you can really do is let your boyfriend know you are offering your support at this sad time and let him grieve for his lost friend, hope it all sorts itself out soon, good luck.
2007-09-05 00:32:33 · answer #1 · answered by fruitcake 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well if it's true what he said (that his friend died) don't take it too hard, although you've already did. Not much people can deal with death, it's something hard and it doesn't matter how many times you've expierenced it, when it strikes again, it feels new. With all that said, he might not have told you because he's not coping with the death too well. My suggestion is that you give him a few days, two the most, and that's if you want to, and then start talking to him again, first by apologizing then by showing him how much you love him, how much other people care about him. Assure him that if he ever feels too depressed he can always talk to you and you'd be there. He just need to know that yo're there and that you care for his well being. Good Luck!!
2007-09-05 07:24:14 · answer #2 · answered by a.braynen 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He could be greiving as the others said, however, in my opinion nothing gives a guy an excuse to be verbally abusive. That just shows his true self. An argument is one thing, intentionally hurting someone is another. No matter how distraught someone is, they should never be verbally abusive. Especially to the person they "love". It amazes me how people put up with this kind of thing. Not saying you should leave him, but just take a hard look at what "love" really means to him. I know its not the answer you would probably wanted to hear, but I think there are better guys out there. Good luck and let me know how it turns out.
2007-09-05 07:27:06 · answer #3 · answered by Brett I 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's always tough when there is a lack of communication in a relationship. It sounds to me like he's very upset with what happened to his friend, as anyone would be. The fact that he didn't tell you, doesn't mean he doesn't love you. I'm going to go out on a limb here, and say that he doesn't get emotional very often - sharing his feelings might cause him to cry, and god forbid that happen. What I'm saying is, if he avoids discussing his feelings, his problems, he can avoid losing control of his emotions, in particular sadness. When a guy asks you to leave him alone (at least in my case), he's really asking for you to be there for him, he's just afraid to admit it or ask for it. Don't pester him with questions, just make him feel loved, and ask him if he wants to talk about it. If not, just be there for him. Now, as for him calling you names, that is never okay - but it happens. Depending on how long you've been in a relationship, it's bound to happen from both ends - but it's rarely ever meant. When you get angry or frustrated, sometimes you just say things. A lot of those things you regret, but I think your bf is just stressed at the moment. Hope this helps.
2007-09-05 07:25:55 · answer #4 · answered by Spiderman 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'd give him the benefit of the doubt and assume his friend's death has knocked him for six - maybe he didn't mention it to you because it is too painful for him right now. Holding grief inside can be a destructive thing and certainly enough make someone lash out, so I wouldn't take his comment to heart. You can respect the fact he wants a bit of space but still comfort him - maybe text him to reassure you're there if he needs to talk, then give him plenty of support if he takes you up on the offer. Hope everything works out okay :)
2007-09-05 07:31:52 · answer #5 · answered by poppy_in_july 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Men often very poor at sharing their feelings, particularly those emotions that make us vulnerable. It's the "big boys don't cry" thing. I'm a man and I sometimes even cry at sad movies but for most of us men that is a real no-no.
I think you should take your boyfriend literally but let him know you will be waiting until he gets back in touch. If he is a decent guy I expect he will be back to normal in a week and if he is really decent he might even apologise.
2007-09-05 07:28:37 · answer #6 · answered by Alan_B 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is weird that he didn't tell you. There would be no reason not to. Are you sure he didn't just make that up to excuse his bad behavior? Obviously he is having some issue right now. Give him a little space and then see whats going on. If he doesn't start acting like a boyfriend then leave him. Good Luck :)
2007-09-05 07:21:19 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well if it was me, I would read the words that he gave me and do exactly that; leave him COMPLETELY alone. Grief can make people behave irrationally, but you are not a mind reader or a punch bag, and nobody needs this kind of hassle and game playing. Just give him the space he has asked for, plenty of guys out there would make your life a lot less difficult than this.
2007-09-05 07:21:02 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's a hard time for him and often blokes don't like to show thier emotions. They will bottle things up which then causes them to appear in a bad mood and will take things out on you. I would give him the space he is asking for - let him battle his own feelings and emotions if that is what he wants. But don't totally let him feel alone - if I was in your shoes, I would send him a little card 1st class today - just to remind him that you are there for him if he needs you and reassure him that you love him.
2007-09-05 07:30:42 · answer #9 · answered by RachyC 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He was probably just angry about his friend, I know it hurt you but I wouldnt take it too personally, maybe it was more like self reflection because he took this friend for granted... I would just send him a text message and say your sorry for him and you will always be there for him and to call you when he's ready to talk, then go from there. Good luck =)
2007-09-05 07:23:56 · answer #10 · answered by 570Chicky 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋