Trouble Shooting for the Drinker?

Question

SYMPTOM: Feet cold and wet.
FAULT: Glass being held at incorrect angle.
ACTION: Rotate glass so that open end points toward ceiling.

SYMPTOM: Feet warm and wet.
FAULT: Improper bladder control.
ACTION: Stand next to nearest dog, complain about house training.

SYMPTOM: Beer unusually pale and tasteless.
FAULT: Glass empty.
ACTION: Get someone to buy you another beer.

SYMPTOM: Opposite wall covered with fluorescent lights.
FAULT: You have fallen over backward.
ACTION: Have yourself leashed to bar.

SYMPTOM: Mouth contains cigarette butts.
FAULT: You have fallen forward.
ACTION: See above.

SYMPTOM: Beer tasteless, front of your shirt is wet.
FAULT: Mouth not open, or glass applied to wrong part of face.
ACTION: Retire to restroom, practice in mirror.

SYMPTOM: Floor blurred.
FAULT: You are looking through bottom of empty glass.
ACTION: Get someone to buy you another beer.

SYMPTOM: Floor moving.
FAULT: You are being carried out.
ACTION: Find out if you are being taken to another bar.

SYMPTOM: Room seems unusually dark.
FAULT: Bar has closed.
ACTION: Confirm home address with bartender.

SYMPTOM: Taxi suddenly takes on colorful aspect and textures.
FAULT: Beer consumption has exceeded personal limitations.
ACTION: Cover mouth.

SYMPTOM: Everyone looks up to you and smiles.
FAULT: You are dancing on the table.
ACTION: Fall on somebody cushy-looking.

SYMPTOM: Beer is crystal-clear.
FAULT: It's water. Somebody is trying to sober you up.
ACTION: Punch him.

SYMPTOM: Hands hurt, nose hurts, mind unusually clear.
FAULT: You have been in a fight.
ACTION: Apologize to everyone you see, just in case it was them.

SYMPTOM: Don't recognize anyone, don't recognize the room you're in.
FAULT: You've wandered into the wrong party.
ACTION: See if they have free beer.

SYMPTOM: Your singing sounds distorted.
FAULT: The beer is too weak.
ACTION: Have more beer until your voice improves.

SYMPTOM: Don't remember the words to the song.
FAULT: Beer is just right.
ACTION: Play air guitar.

Answer 1

Loved them all !! Symptom: Your husband keeps looking better and better. Fault: Just the right amount of beer. Action: Give him a big smooch.

Answer 2

just ask them, and normally people who smoke pot find it that shooting up illegal drugs couldn't be that bad, trust me, i know a lot of people. and actually, it takes a long time for peoples teeth to look nasty,. and she could by a chance have mono 'the kissing disease' that happens.. and sometimes you get swollen spots, or any genital diseases from oral sex in her mouth. i am not trying to get at anything.. but i am not sure what to tell you here, just ask her.. like be like ' hey ______ this might be weird, but why do you always have that swollen spot on your mouth every once and a while?' and also.. swelling of the mouth can be from chewing too. i have multiple friends that did so. i hope i helped.

Answer 3

i like the improper bladder control one
and the last one
yes laughter is truly the best medicine

Answer 4

I agree with all these symptoms, and how to fix them. I also agree with Polar Molars answer as well!!!!

Answer 5

i think I've had more then one of those symptoms cant remember.....let me grab another beer while i think about it

Answer 6

Ha ha with all these solutions you can't fail to drink in manner to which you are accustomed and get drunk!!!


:-)))

Answer 7

I have seen some before, not all of them. This is great !!!

Answer 8

That is so funny, I've nicked it and have emailed it to my family!

Answer 9

little puggy x yes x been there with you and everyone else x

Answer 10

Hic!