Dealing with a bipolar family member?

Question

I am dealing with a family member that is bipolar, and at times is extremely unreasonable, and try's to make you think that you are the one with the problem, how do you respond to such a person?

Answer 1

A loved one with a chronic illness affects the whole family. Grief over what is lost, anger over what has happened, guilt and shame over what is, and fear about what will be are all real, legitimate emotions that family members must deal with. Piled on top of the day-to-day struggle of handling the bipolar mood swings of your loved one, and the practical matters around dealing with a disability, the entire situation can quickly become an overwhelming black hole around which the entire family revolves. That is why finding support is as important for family as it is for patients. We hope that the following suggestions and resources will help you in your own lives.
Keep in mind that a mood disorder is a physical, treatable illness that affects a person’s brain. It is a real illness, as real as diabetes or asthma. It is not a character flaw or personal weakness, and it is not caused by anything you or your family member did.

Don’t ask the person to “snap out of it.” Your friend or family member can’t snap out of this illness any more than he or she could overcome diabetes, asthma, cancer or high blood pressure without treatment.

Educate yourself about your loved one’s illness, its symptoms and its treatments. Read brochures and books from DBSA and other dependable sources.

Give unconditional love and support. Offer reassurance and hope for the future.

Don’t try to fix your loved one’s problems on your own. Encourage him or her to get professional help.

Remember that a mood disorder affects a person’s attitude and beliefs. When a person says things like “nothing good will ever happen to me,” “no one really cares about me,” or “I’ve learned all the secrets of the universe,” it’s likely that these ideas are symptoms of the illness. With treatment, your friend or family member can realize that this kind of thinking is not a reflection of reality.

Have realistic expectations of your loved one. He or she can recover, but it won’t happen overnight. Be patient and keep a positive, hopeful attitude.

Take care of yourself so you are able to be there for your loved one. Find support for yourself with understanding friends or relatives, in therapy of your own, or at a DBSA support group.

What can I do to make sure my loved one gets good treatment?
Encourage your loved one to seek treatment. Explain that treatment is not personality-altering and can greatly help to relieve symptoms.
Help him or her prepare for health care provider appointments by putting together a list of questions. Offer to go along to health care appointments.
With permission, talk to your loved one’s health care provider(s) about what you can do to help.
Encourage or help your loved one to get a second opinion from another health care provider if needed.
Help him or her keep records of symptoms, treatment, progress and setbacks in a journal or Personal Calendar.
Help him or her stick with the prescribed treatment plan. Ask if you can help by giving medication reminders.

Answer 2

You respond with, "Family member, you are hypomanic. Either see your pdoc and deal with your episode, or get out of my face." Discussion over. There's a difference between being amped up with your thoughts racing, and attacking another for fun and the sake of argument. You should not have to take being made to feel bad. At the same time, being overly wired w/o putting others down needs some compassion.

I am bipolar. What you're describing sounds like subthreshold mania, and a clear indication that meds need to be adjusted. If the person is BP type 1, s/he is probably on the way to mania. The obnoxiousness is not the person's fault per se, but not seeking treatment is. Don't bother arguing. Don't expect genuine rationality. The former is futile, the later an unrealistic expectation. The best you can do is recognize the signs, and tell the person when s/he is obviously swinging. The truth is that as the person gets older, s/he will learn to recognize the initial signs of an episode. When younger, this isn't always such an easy thing to do. Whether or not the s/he chooses to do something about the episode once recognized is a different matter.

Btw, if your family member always is an argumentative jerk regardless of mood, it has nothing to do with being bipolar.

Answer 3

Hi Rev. Michelle:

You have some pretty awesome answers here and I cannot add anything to them, but I would like to address Dwn.

DwN:

When you have walked in someone shoes who has Bipolar then you have the right to state an opinion on such. I have Bipolar 1 and let me tell you something please...It is NOT lack of disclipine. Bipolar is a chemical imbalance in the brain that causes the perso to cycle thru a few different phases.

Living a life with Bipolar is one of the hardest things I have to deal with. Just because it cannot be seen does not mean it does not exist there fore it must be lack of disclipine.

Please learn about Bipolar before you tell people it is lack of disclipine as it is no where near that. I would happily trade places with you to live a life without Bipolar.

Answer 4

First be sure that you are really dealing with a Bipolar disorder case per se as diagnosed by a mental health Physician. Otherwise it will be wrong to be labelling a family member as such. Bipolar people have mood swings, and part of the treatment process involves participation of each family members in the behavioral change and as a support group. Love and Care is needed instead of remorse and neglect. Try to browse on BIPOLAR DIsorder in the internet and understand more of your brethren's disease. As what my father always told me: "KNOW A PERSON BETTER, IN ORDER TO LOVE HIM MORE."

Answer 5

I can tell you what doesn't help so you guys do not make the same mistake as I did. I had my daughter admitted involuntary thinking I was protecting her. My perspective was that this was the right thing to do to help her be ok. It backfires in reality. The hospitals only keep a person 36 hours so if the family decides to admit voluntary what happens is in 3 days the patient is out and totally furious at the family. Now you will not no how your family member is or be able to support them again. My daughter has abandoned us so I will pray that you and your family will not go the same route as I have. In America if the patient is not a threat to anyone or themselves nobody can make a person take meds, that is the bottom line. Just be there when he/she is ready for help and hold her tight i wish I could do that with my girl.

Answer 6

Coming from someone who is Bipolar and knows what its like to live with it yourself and also who is best friends with someone who is Bipolar and knows what its like to deal with someone with it, I am gonna suggest two things one is, if your family member isn't already on medication for the disorder tell them to talk to there doctor I promise it helps. Secondly for you, because I dont believe you should ignore them because honestly its not there fault, go to this website WWW.Bipolar.com It has a specific section for dealing with people with Bipolar disorder and you can learn what it truely is. I hope this helps you!

Answer 7

You will find out your family member can also be narcissistic and turn things around so that it looks like it is your fault, your problem, you are responsible for their problems, or they do not have any problems at all, but you do. Yes, I was married to one. Loved to try to gaslight me to make me think I was crazy. It was horrible. Also threatened to have me locked up in a mental hospital. It was really the most frightening thing I have ever gone through. If you are smart, you don't respond to them on that level. Let them get professional help, as that is what it is for. I also experienced a lot of passive aggression from him also.

Answer 8

This sounds like a manic episode to me as Manic people are always right and there really is no reasoning with them. I would speak with there doctor and if the person is a danger to them selves or others call the police they will get the person to the hospital for the right treatment. take care good luck

Answer 9

Rev. Michelle? You any relation to Father Michael from Paltalk?

Anyway, the best way to deal with bipolarity is to seek professional help. If you try to handle it yourself, you could end up with more trouble than you would ever want.

Answer 10

It's so hard. I'm in the same boat, have been since my mom started losing it 15yrs. ago. Now she's homeless and is trying to get me to take care of her but she won't acknowledge that she is the one with the problems. She won't take meds because she thinks everyone is trying to keep her medicated. She blames everyone for her situation. I just try and keep in mind that she is mentally ill but it is still extremely difficult. Good luck.