I have been with my x fiance for 4 1/2 years since I was 16 now am 21. And i always wanted a ring,that was my issue.So finally after all the talks of him not knowing bla bla bla.He took me to miami and proposed just as I wanted with a huge 3 1/2 carat ring.Almost couldnt beleive it.Planning the engagement party was the worst.I wanted a big party this ment alot to me and his parents wanted a small party.So I had planned everything myself.With none help from his mother who was the closest to me throughout the years and you would think she would be happy to help right?..wrong. The night of the party he was acting very weird, not near me almost the whole night instead getting drunk with his friends at the bar, I had came up to him and told him that he should stop getting drunk and instead be next to me for at least one second.He flipped, and walked out on me. His parents did not help the situation in any way.Did not try to stop him.Why would he leave me?
2007-09-04 17:09:22 · 19 answers · asked by alana s 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
>>And i always wanted a ring,that was my issue.<<
You put too much focus on getting a ring vs. him/your relationship. And likely you pressured him about this.
>>So finally after all the talks of him not knowing bla bla bla.<<
He never really wanted to get married. People who say they don't know, really don't want to.
>>He took me to miami and proposed just as I wanted with a huge 3 1/2 carat ring.Almost couldnt beleive it.<<
Despite not wanting to get married, he caved in, likely due to the pressure, and got you what you wanted. And 3 1/2 carots, wow, that's quite a fortune for a guy I assume is in his 20s! (One he likely can't afford.)
>>I wanted a big party this ment alot to me and his parents wanted a small party.So I had planned everything myself.<<
Again, you focus was on the wedding package: BIG engagement party, ring, etc. Not on him/your relationship and compatibility.
>>The night of the party he was acting very weird, not near me almost the whole night instead getting drunk with his friends at the bar,<<
This is a guy who does not want to be married. Put yourself in his shoes: he's engaged, and the finality has hit him. Getting drunk is his way of medicating himself over this/escaping the situation.
>>I had came up to him and told him that he should stop getting drunk and instead be next to me for at least one second.He flipped, and walked out on me.<<
You're correct that a guy at his engagement party should not be getting drunk and ignoring his fiancee. However, from HIS point of view, he's gotten himself in an awful situation. He flipped not b/c you pointed out he should stop getting drunk and be next to you, but b/c this was his excuse to leave. His "get out of marriage free" card.
>>His parents did not help the situation in any way.Did not try to stop him.<<
They likely knew he wasn't ready to be married. If your child doesn't want to be married, it would be irresponsible of them to try to force it on him.
>>Why would he leave me?<<
Because he didn't want to be married. (Or he didn't want to be married to you.) Why he didn't want to be married (or married to you) is speculation. But it's likely that after caving into the pressure he resented it.
You were so busy thinking about weddings, rings, engagement parties, etc., that you didn't notice he didn't want to be married. He was more of a prop in your stage production.
In any case, he did you a favor by leaving at the engagement party rather than the wedding. Or worse, you could have gotten married, wasted time together, and gotten divorced. Better to know earlier rather than later that he didn't want to be married.
2007-09-04 18:30:50 · answer #1 · answered by Ms. X 6 · 5⤊ 0⤋
Why would he leave you?
1. "i always wanted a ring,that was my issue." Um, what did he want?
2. "So finally after all the talks of him not knowing bla bla bla." You sum up your discussions with him as bla bla bla.
3. "He took me to miami and proposed just as I wanted with a huge 3 1/2 carat ring.Almost couldnt beleive it." In other words, he caved.
4. "Planning the engagement party was the worst.I wanted a big party this ment alot to me and his parents wanted a small party." You mention what you wanted. You mention what his parents wanted. You don't mention what he wanted.
5. "The night of the party he was acting very weird, not near me almost the whole night instead getting drunk with his friends at the bar, I had came up to him and told him that he should stop getting drunk and instead be next to me for at least one second." You didn't ask what was wrong, you just chewed him out for not being next to you. Wow, how caring.
6. "He flipped, and walked out on me." Probably realized that you were so hyperfocused on your wishes that you couldn't see his needs.
7. "His parents did not help the situation in any way.Did not try to stop him." Gee, maybe his parents were concerned about HIS happiness and not yours.
8. "Why would he leave me?" Because you're not nearly mature enough to marry.
2007-09-05 00:59:34 · answer #2 · answered by Bill 6 · 4⤊ 0⤋
You've said absolutely nothing about wanting to marry this man. All you've said you wanted was a proposal, a ring and a fancy engagement party.
It sounds like you want a wedding more than a marriage. Please rethink the idea. Put off the wedding for another few years ... 21 is too young to marry. Your boyfriend has the right idea ... he'd rather be partying and enjoying his youth, not following your orders all night. You said that he already told you he wasn't ready, which is a GIANT red flag. I'm wondering why he even caved in and got you a ring. He's clearly not interested in marrying you right now, but you forced him.
If you really love each other, then you can both wait to get married until you're 25 or so ... he'll still be around, in that case. (Marrying him now won't make him stick around ... if he's not ready, it'll just make him more likely to stray.) And if not, well, then you dodged a HUGE bullet.
2007-09-04 17:22:24 · answer #3 · answered by BeatriceBatten 7 · 6⤊ 0⤋
Either he is not ready and the alcohol exacerbated his feelings, or he is scared and the alcohol made him act (leave) without emotion. You really need to rethink the marriage issue for yourself. Do you really want to marry him, or do you want the wedding and the ring? You did state, "I always wanted a ring." A nice ring for your right hand probably would have been better.
You need to speak to him about whether or not you are both ready to be married. In my experience, any of my friends that were high school sweethearts and got married, are now divorced or terribly miserable. Is that what you want? If he couldn't get through an engagement party, what's going to happen when you are married?
All the best and I am sorry this is happening to you.
2007-09-04 20:14:42 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
He probably felt pressured into getting engaged in the first place. Then when you had the party, and everything was all "official" reality started to set in, and he did not want to go through with it. And actually, even though this is painful for your now, it's probably best it happened now rather then later.
You don't want someone going into a marriage that isn't 100% sure that they want to. In addition, you two are so young (which I'm sure you've heard before) that you really haven't had a chance to even grow up without being a couple.
In the end, it would probably end up causing you a heck of a lot more pain later. This is probably really better for both of you. But I'm sorry that you were so hurt. :-(
2007-09-04 17:37:32 · answer #5 · answered by MoonGoddess 4 · 4⤊ 0⤋
I think your fiance is not ready for marriage. It seems like he feels that he was talked into a big engagement party, a huge ring and he maybe he felt manipulated. You should reconsider this engagement and have a serious talk with him on whether he is ready to get married. If he answers that he is not and needs time, I would return the ring, give him his freedom and move on. You started dating very early and now you are only 21. It seems like you are in love with love and not really mature enough to get married. Have a serious talk with him and get his feedback. You will definitely know if this engagement was a mistake or if he just had the jitters.
2007-09-04 17:31:40 · answer #6 · answered by cardgirl2 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I know this probably isn't the answer you're looking for, but let him wear his jeans and a shirt. As long as the jeans aren't ripped up and nasty looking, I don't see why it should matter. If he's like most guys he doesn't give a damn about an engagement party. Those types of things really ARE for the bride because most men couldn't care less.
2016-05-17 05:16:48 · answer #7 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
as much as you probably don't want to hear this, based on what you are saying, you want all the big stuff...the big ring, the big party, the big wedding. It is not about being together with your man, it's about him giving you everything you want, and doing things the way you want them. Plain and simply, you have driven him away with selfish and greedy actions on your part.
Marriage isn't about how big of a ring you have, or how many people attend your wedding....it's about a life long commitment, compromise, and mature decision making as a couple. It's not about satisfying only your wants, and catering to you.
As for his mother not backing you up....well, I got news for you dear, she's just putting up with you for her son's sake. HE is her child, not YOU, and if you think that any mother will not take her own child's side, then you have alot to learn about life.
I know that you are young, and I am sure that this is contributing factor to your lack of maturity. It's time to give him back his ring and try to mend your relationship, with no pressure, no agenda and no demands for things. If ou two truely love and care for each other, it will work out, and there will be no need for him to "assure" you with a big diamond.
2007-09-04 17:30:53 · answer #8 · answered by simmychick 4 · 3⤊ 0⤋
This man has done you a favor by showing you what he will be like to live with for "the rest of your life." Do you really want to be married to "a drunk that flips out or ignores you on a regular basis?" The answer is NO.
Give back the ring and thank your lucky stars that this happened before you married him.
There are too many fish in the sea, and believe me, not all of them act that poorly, go find another fish, and throw that fish back in the water!
And why didn't his parents support you or help you? Think about . . if they didn't help you now what makes you think they will help you in the future? And the future is a long, long time.
Say good-bye to these people NOW.
Answered by: A Certified wedding specialist / A Professional bridal consultant / A Wedding ceremony officiant
2007-09-05 10:32:49 · answer #9 · answered by Avis B 6 · 0⤊ 3⤋
Bottom line: the ring was to pacify you & he is NOT ready to get married. Sounds like the party completely freaked him out. Maybe you two need to grow up a little bit more before making this committment.
2007-09-05 09:43:55 · answer #10 · answered by sunflower 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋