There is a standing order that states when he can see the kids he hasnt bothered in almost 7 years. Now he wants to see them. They want nothing to do with him now. Can I stop him from seeing them? If I tell him no what are the penalties in Alabama?
2007-09-04 15:26:09 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous in Politics & Government ➔ Law Enforcement & Police
The oldest is 11 the youngest is 10. yes he paid support but it was deducted from his check because he got so far behind. He also would be a bad influence on them. he taught them to hit and cuss at me when they were younger,they are out of that now and I dont want them picking up on his bad habits again.
2007-09-04 15:44:43 · update #1
The current standing order is what the law will look at. However, considering he hasn't exercised his visitation in seven years, I'd just let him take me to court over it. You would be held in contempt, but considering your circumstances (with him being gone so long) I don't think anything would really happen to you. If he files contempt on you, get a good attorney and if the kids are old enough to talk to the judge about what they want, you can let them speak for themselves.
2007-09-04 15:40:00 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Follow the court's orders until they are changed. Whether or not the kids "want something to do with him" is completely irrelevant. A relationship with both parents is best; in most states if you deny visitation, you can lose custody.
Set up some times for him to visit with the kids while someone they know (not you) is there, in the beginning. Make sure he understands that after a time or two, he'll be on his own.
HOWEVER -- if the kids are about 11 or over -- let them go on this 'first date' with him alone, without supervision. They are going to have to find their own way with him.
Letting the kids see him is the BEST thing. After all, you CHOSE HIM TO BE THEIR DAD. Let them see the good things that you saw.
2007-09-04 23:08:41 · answer #2 · answered by Marlon M 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is a matter for the judge that made the visitation order and the divorce decree. At the current time, before you can see the judge, allow a one hour supervised visit with you nad another person supervising, not by yourself. That way he can not say that you denied him access for his court ordered visit,; even if this is the first time in 7 years. Ther's a good chance he will get the hint when he sees their attitudes towards him. Jsut be prepared to wipe some eyes afterwards.
If he has not bothered to visit, has he paid any child support, if any was awarded?
2007-09-04 22:35:30 · answer #3 · answered by Charlie Fingers 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Even more to the point, what are the penalties in terms of awesome karma?
I would tend to lighten up on this one until you have all the facts. Can't you be present for the visit and be a charming and protective hostess at the same time? I know you're angry (because it shows) and maybe fearful because I don't know all the facts. But can't you and those who love you make this a positive and safe experience for all? Or is this really impossible or unsafe?
Good luck. I hope it all works out.
2007-09-04 22:46:14 · answer #4 · answered by GENE 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Just a different perspective here. Regardless of the reasons WHY he has been absent for 7 years I would ask you to rethink your position. Kids - both sexes - do better when they have BOTH parents involved rather than one. Period - no exceptions or disclaimers. If they have hard questions for him then fine - but by all means try to take the high road and don't speak badly of him in earshot if at all. The kids pay the price for the games we adults like to play. Get past the ego and realize they need him at whatever level he can give right now. Parental alienation is controversial but certainly it exists. My opinion only but parents engaging in it are guilty of no less than child abuse. YOU are the model of behavior and of what a relationship (of any kind) will likely be for them as adults. Act accordingly. That doesn't mean be walked all over but it does mean that as a parent you should likely take five and reconsider carefully before you decide to cut him out of their lives. Your issues with him are not their issues. Live with a soft heart and forgive easily. They came from a relationship that sadly ended but don't teach hate. You teach them with EVERY action and EVERY word. They may not listen to you but they certainly will NOT fail to imitate you. I can't believe that they hate him unless you have provided communications towards that end. The natural state of children towards parents is one of love. Anything else is taught to them by others. God Bless and good luck. Do it for them, please.
2007-09-04 22:47:14 · answer #5 · answered by John G 1 · 3⤊ 1⤋
Check with a lawyer, or with legal aid for your state.
In general, I would agree with those who say it's best for children to have a relationship with both parents, however, that assumes the absent parent is not a practicing alcoholic or drug addict, and doesn't suffer from an untreated mental illness. In all of those circumstances, allowing visitation could put the children in danger.
Men who teach their children to hit and abuse their own mothers are generally either substance abusers or mentally ill. Do what you need to do to keep the kids safe.
2007-09-04 23:03:44 · answer #6 · answered by Mattie D 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
No, as long as the court ordered documents have not been reversed since the last hearing you would be held in contempt. You can petition the court to waive the current order and set a new one.
2007-09-04 22:29:33 · answer #7 · answered by Glen B 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Unless you can prove that he is a danger to them, or the enviroment he lives in is unsafe, there isn't much you can do. Also it depends on the childrens ages. If they are over 13, they can chose if they want to see him. You may want to consult with your divorce attorney if they are under age.
2007-09-04 22:35:44 · answer #8 · answered by Jello 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
does he pay child support, legally he can and if you try to stop him you can get in some trouble
Even if your ex-spouse is behind on child support payments, you still have to allow visitation. Just because somebody's not paying child support, it doesn't mean that he doesn't get to see his kid.
Do I still owe child support if my ex-spouse refuses visitation rights?
You still owe child support even if your ex-spouse refuses visitation. Even if your ex-spouse is not letting you see your children, you still are obligated to pay your support. What you would do in that situation is go to your lawyer and file something against the ex-spouse that's not letting you see the children. However, you still have to continue with your obligations to pay support.
2007-09-04 22:32:02 · answer #9 · answered by Mr. Fancy Pants 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You can't stop him but the kids, if old enough, can make their own decisons in many states. You can check on that.
DO NOT coach the kids. That can backfire on you.
2007-09-04 22:36:00 · answer #10 · answered by Stand-up philosopher. It's good to be the King 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋