It has always been my dream to adopt, where as I have only gone through small phases where I have wanted a biological child. He is cool with adoption but doesn't really want to do it.
2007-09-04 14:16:08 · 48 answers · asked by Anonymous in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Adoption
Why do you want to pursue adoption? Maybe start there, asking yourself that question. Figure out if your reasons and your idea of adoption match up with the reality.
Adopted children come with an extra set of parenting responsibilities. They've been taken away from their first family, from everything they've known, and thrust into a new family. That's not to say they don't adjust, but it IS a loss for them, and that gives you as the parent the added responsibility of being a support to them.
Plus, if you are talking about an older child adoption (either from foster care or internationally), you need to recognize that there will be other traumas in their life, too.
Adoption isn't for the faint of heart. It's not rescuing a child, it's not easy, and it's not simple. It's a complicated way to build a family.
Why don't you research adoption as a starting point, and then ask yourself if it's something you want to do? I'll link to a couple sites below that are good places to start:
2007-09-04 14:24:37 · answer #1 · answered by concerned 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Frankly i think whenever possible, your very own child is the best bet. Why?
The fact that the child is create from both parents gene make it unique and bonding strong, whether it is the husband n wife ,mother n child,father n child or all 3.
As for an adopted child , if all works out then all is well but
should one of the parent initially has a reservation then likely he will always asked the question -what n how will my own child be like if he/she reaches the same age of the adaopted child.
And should there be a fight, the adopted child most likely get the blunt of it. Is it fair to the child then ?
Make sure all issue and differences are ironed out before a final decision is made. This is for life - everyones life.
Don't make a miserable decision now and regret later.
Only the strongest will substain.
Good Luck!
2007-09-10 06:00:02 · answer #2 · answered by GamingLink 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't know what you mean by his being cool with adoption but, doesn't really want to do it. Do you mean that he has nothing against it but, doesn't want to do it? Most people ahve nothing against adoption but, most people never picture themselves doing it. By far the vast majority of people who adopt do so because they can not have a biological child. I think it is very normal to want a biological child. I don't think adoption is something you can or should talk someone into, or not do unless you truly want to. You and he could certainly find a good marriage counselor who might be of help in talking you through this but, there's no way to "compromise" and I really think you each need to make up your own minds about such an issue.
2007-09-04 15:25:49 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Make sure you are on the same page with that decision b/c one or the other will resent the other if you have drastically different view points, if and when you decide to go through with adoption. The child doesn't deserve to be in a situation like that. Its a very big life decision to make, so be sure. You two need to sort out your feelings about this and be 100% sure about your decision. Lots of prayer and family support helps. Do your research thoroughly. Talk to parents who have adopted, talk to adults who were adopted as children. Most importantly, talk to your spouse and be on the same page. Do whats in the best interest of your house hold. Children are a blessing regardless of how they got here.
If you both can't honestly decide..... then maybe you're not ready yet..... pray about it (not just once, but perservere in it).
2007-09-12 10:12:23 · answer #4 · answered by Lil Momma 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to agree on something. In adoption, as part of the process, counsellors are employed to interview and assess you as prospective parents. If they have any idea that your husband is not willing, they will not support the adoption.
Talk to each other - don't do anything until you have come to a decision that is right for both of you.
I had a similar problem, so I told my husband we would just check it out. He was happy to do that. After getting information, he was happy to go one step further and go to an adoption seminar. We took it one step at a time and we did end up adopting - and having a bio baby 18 months later!!
It is not worth risking your relationship to rush a decision like this though.
All the best - and I hope you can adopt. It is a real blessing! Just as good as a bio baby!
2007-09-09 18:10:53 · answer #5 · answered by Lofty M 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe ask each other for an explanation as to why you want one or the other. Compare the results and see which one makes more since. Though, if you're adopting a child you must make sure the child gets attention from both parents. If your husband doesn't really want to adopt then it might make him not give much attention to the child.
2007-09-04 14:26:29 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Do you want to adopt a baby or an older child? If you are able to have children, but wish to adopt a baby - you should have your own. People who cannot have children and want babies wait for years on lists waiting for the chance to adopt. It would be selfish of you to do that when you could have your own. If you want to adopt an older child - that would be great!
2007-09-12 06:06:59 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Oooh, good question. This is a tough one. I'd like to say that since it's your body and you would have to be the one the pregnancy affects the most, then you get the final say. But it's not that easy. Kids are a biggie and you guys definitely need to AGREE on this--either biological or adoption--before you guys proceed. Sorry I couldn't be more helpful.
2007-09-04 14:21:33 · answer #8 · answered by babybug74 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If both your hearts are not in it best to have a biological kid.
Nothing worse that someone adopting a child and then treating them like second class citizens.
And sending them back to foster care as teenagers with lots of emotional baggage.
2007-09-04 15:16:20 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Do not do something stupid like the guy above me told you to do. You and him should sit down and discuss the good and bad of adopting or having a biological child. Trust me, working your problems out is a lot better then bickering about an important chapter of both of your lives.
2007-09-04 14:22:12 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋