So he talks bad things about me and never use to be like this, do you think it is his wife bickering in his ear...he only says stuff when he is drunk, and I never talk bad about them. I think she is a jealous person and wishes her husband would treat her like mine treats me...can I get some honest advise please....
2007-09-04 13:33:04 · 21 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
What..... Your brother talks bad about you.... LOL.... XXX
2007-09-04 13:38:25 · answer #1 · answered by Baxtersmom 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
It always complicates things when it's hard to get on with a relative-in-law. I think that she has to get the message that if she's going to be rude to you then you're not going to go out of your way to seek her company. I think that you sound like you're handling it in a mature way - you're not being rude to her but you're not going to talk to her if she can't be nice. You might need to step it up a little though. You say that you felt very uncomfortable - if you express how you feel to her without resorting to being rude or personal, then that's all you can do. I'd be really tempted to be direct and say, why do you say such rude things to me, and why do you keep repeating them over and over when you know that they must hurt me? etc You can only be responsible for your own behaviour. It sounds like she's pretty gutless as she mostly attacks you over the 'phone or when you are alone. I reckon if you are polite but very firm and honest she will back off. Obviously, there may come a time when you may have to decide that the situation is too toxic - ask your husband not to leave you in a situation when you have to be alone with her. I think it's great that you're breastfeeding your baby - don't let anyone tell you any different.
2016-05-21 07:16:08 · answer #2 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is hard when family acts in a hurtful manner. It is even easier to get caught up in WHY are they doing this to me? You may be completely right about the reasons they are being hurtful to you or completely wrong. In truth it does not matter because what is happening drains your positive life. That's not something anyone should afford. Really stop and think of the toll this takes on your life.
I think its not impossible to change things but it is impossible to make other people change. You must never make your happiness be dependent on anyone's behavior. So please make a promise to yourself that you will be happy.
Accept that for reasons that are not your fault there is hostility right now. Forgive yourself. Make the right now be ok. Then focus on the relationship you would like to have with your bother (in law?)and his wife. How would that relationship feel. Don't go backwards by confronting them with how you think things should be just be firm in the knowledge that they CAN be better. Make a list of anything you can think of that you like about them. If they have ever made you feel good. No matter how small try to come up with things you are grateful about them. Now add to that list all the things that make you a wonderful sister(in law). Make that list as long as you can. Read it and see if how wonderful you are does not become very clear. When you do have to see them or talk to them read that list. If you can then make a plan before the call to have a good conversation. If for any reason the conversation goes downhill then excuse yourself from the phone. This is not the moment to be confrontational so don't tell them you are hanging up because they are negative. Just say something has come up and you will call them back. Wait until you feel better to talk to them.
My point is here that you are in control of any interaction you have as long as you CHOOSE to be. How you feel is only your choice. You may not be able to change others but you can always change the nature of how you interact with them.Its likely that your Brother and Sister in Law will work through things in there own time if they are left to do so. People want to be happy and they do too, they just have bad tools to get there. I think its wonderful you have a marriage worthy of envy. I hope someday SL See's your marriage as inspiration.
Best of luck to you and I hope peace comes quickly.
2007-09-04 14:08:00 · answer #3 · answered by mavrachangawoke 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, without a little more detail. I am thinking he might be a little jealous along with his wife.
Does he say these things directly to you? Or behind your back?
If he does this to your face, I would expect my husband to say something.
I do think that you are on the right track about the jealousy part. It might be him and not her, or both..
I am very straight forward, if it were me I would ask him next time he said something, " What have I done to you , to make you say these things? I know your drinking but your hurting my feelings, and if I have done something to cause you to treat me like this, I wish you would tell me"
I hope this helps...
Stacie...
2007-09-04 13:40:51 · answer #4 · answered by stacie m 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
It's hard to say without knowing anything about them. But, if when he's drunk he talks smack about you, that may either be his inner demons coming out, or his lack of control over something he and his wife said in private.
But, without hearing his side, it's impossible to say. Talk to them about this. Since it's your husband's sister, talk to him, as well. Those are the only people that can give you what you need.
2007-09-04 14:02:56 · answer #5 · answered by vtothef 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If it makes you uncomfortable, tell them don't let them continue this way. It will only get worse and you really really don't want that. Don't go out to bars with them, it might just end in more verbal abuse. Talk to them both but seperately. Try and find out why he is saying these things. I wish you luck sweety. Take care...hope I was helpful ^^
2007-09-04 13:40:37 · answer #6 · answered by Ritzuka 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Not knowing them or the whole story....it does sound like some jealousy and bad mouthing going on. Maybe they hate their lives so much, talking about others is there miserable idea of a good time.
2007-09-04 13:37:52 · answer #7 · answered by kys 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would confront them when he is sober and ask him directly what his problem is with you. If they get mad, oh well. If it is her you will soon find out. Maybe it is him, and he wants his wife to more like you. You can never tell when alcohol controls the conversation.
2007-09-04 13:41:09 · answer #8 · answered by LIPPIE 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Is this your husbands brother and his wife?? Just confront her on the issues you have, and tell her its not going to be tolerated, that if it continues she will not be welcome in your house and that you dont want to have this happen. But you are out of Highschool and all the drama has to stop, its childish and hurtful.!!!!!!!!!!!!!
2007-09-04 13:37:25 · answer #9 · answered by melissaw77 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Don't invite into your home. Don't talk to them if they call on the phone. And don't listen to what they have to say when you have to be at the same place as them. Walk away!
2007-09-04 13:37:33 · answer #10 · answered by Boots McGraw 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Sounds rather like you have it nailed. I'd just ignore them as best I could (I'm sure your husband is probably embarrassed by their ugliness as well...since, I'm assuming your sister-in-law is his sister), and downplay her jealousness as well as I could.
And be DAMN GLAD you have a GOOD husband...her brother!
2007-09-04 13:39:41 · answer #11 · answered by bitadkins 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋