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I have had 3 friends get married so far this summer, and have attended all of their weddings. Between the bridal showers, wedding gifts, one bridesmaid dress, and for one my son was ring bearer, so his tux, im maxed out on wedding spending for the summer. I work 6 days a week and am a single mom, i really cant afford to miss another day of work (took a full week off when my son was hospitalized and am still trying to bounce back after that), and cant afford more presents and outfits. My cousin is getting married this october. I wasnt going to go, im not close with her, but since its the only family wedding, im taking slack from my family now for going to the other weddings but not one for "family". Keep in mind this cousin i see for about 3 holidays a yr and thats it...Its not like i dont want to go...i just really cant afford it. Is my family just overreacting, or is it rude to not go?

2007-09-04 13:29:49 · 34 answers · asked by Jessica 3 in Family & Relationships Weddings

34 answers

I think you should tell your family exactly what you told us here. If they give you grief, tell them you'd be happy to accept financial help for the presents and outfits.

Rude would be not acknowledging your cousin's wedding. You should write a really lovely, heartfelt, personal message to her in a card, and include whatever gift you can reasonably afford on your budget.

2007-09-04 13:39:17 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 4 0

Just a couple of questions first: Is the wedding far away or near your home? How much grief will you get in the long run if you don't go? If its close to home and your family is going to continue to be upset with you for not going, then I would go. It isn't necessarily rude not to go, but it is family and even though you aren't as close, family should always come first. Since you've already been to so many weddings this summer, you should have something to wear, so you don't need to buy a new outfit. Get a gift that is thoughtful but inexpensive or go in on a bigger gift with a few family members. You don't have to spend a ton. If its on a Saturday, how much work will you really need to take off to attend? Skip the prenuptial parties and just attend the ceremony and reception. If none of these options work for you and you still can't figure out a way to afford it, then don't go. Hopefully they'll all get over it. Just be sure to send a nice card of congratulations and a gift if you can manage it. I wouldn't worry too much. They're your family, I'm sure they'll eventually get over it and they'll understand that life happens.

2007-09-04 13:41:44 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1 0

Actually, it depends on how many persons were invited, and how far away you are. If it's a lot of people, your cousin may not have time to even say hi to you.

A card with a picture of your own family, and explaining that you feel sad(note I said sad, not sorry) for not being there, but happy because of the event, should be more than enough.

Of course this does not apply if the wedding is taking place in a location that's less than 5 hours away by car. Being so close to that location, and given that you have a month to prepare for it, then it would be almost inexcusable not to go.

Also, if you somehow find out not many people were invited, or that almost no one from the rest of your family is attending, then it would be extremely polite to go.

2007-09-04 13:47:17 · answer #3 · answered by Daniel 4 · 1 0

I don't think you're wrong at all, especially since you rarely see this cousin. I have two cousins whose weddings I did not attend because I hadn't seen them in years and could not afford to travel to North Carolina from NJ and rent a hotel room, pay for gas, buy gifts, etc. As a bride, I can tell you that what matters most to me about my reception is that the people I'm close with are in attendance. Not that your cousin doesn't care whether you come or not, but more so that because you're not close she'll likely understand if you don't attend and you don't have to feel as though you're causing a problem on her big day. Explain to your family that you can't afford it right now and you had to make the decision to go to the weddings of the people whom you are closest with now, and then leave it at that. You are an adult and you don't have to explain yourself to them, esp. since you're not close with the bride. You have to do what's best for you and your son, and it doesn't seem like taking time off and spending lots of cash is a good idea right now. Don't feel bad, it sounds like you're making the right decision.

2007-09-04 14:50:29 · answer #4 · answered by Sarah 3 · 1 0

For a wedding you are really not obligated to bring a gift, so you may want to consider going and enjoying the wedding and giving them a nice card. Or maybe a creative but inexpensive gift like a basket with a bottle of wine and 2 wine glasses. another option is to send a gift later.

Since it is a family function and they will obviously miss you, I would go, but make sure it is known that you don't have a lot of extra money. I am sure that they will enjoy having you there and you will probably have a nice time.

I know that I was more happy to see my family at my wedding than I was about the gifts.

2007-09-04 13:40:36 · answer #5 · answered by Reba 6 · 2 0

I think you should attend because it is family. Family is family and when you need them they will be there for you...as long as you don't annoy them or piss them off.

As far as gifts are concerned, you can always get her something small and inexpensive like a picture frame and put a photo of you and your cousin in it or leave it empty for you're cousin to fill. Go to Target or Walmart and find a nice frame for $20, then get her a card for a couple of bucks and there you go.

I understand your situation. I have a friend of mine in the same situation as you are...and she got something for under $25 for her friend and attended the wedding. It was all good.

Hope this helps.

2007-09-04 14:06:32 · answer #6 · answered by davedgreat2000 2 · 1 1

Yeah it does sound like your family is overreacting a little, if you dont have the money and stuff you dont have it. Well family is suspose to come 1st but your out there trying for your son! You need to tell them you could stop in for a little bit but thats it because you dont want to be mean but you dont have the money right now and they should understand that if not just go on with your everday life with your son and be happy!

2007-09-04 13:38:07 · answer #7 · answered by nichole l 3 · 1 0

Is the wedding in town? Maybe it really wouldn't cost you to much. You already can deck out your boy with a his tux. I am sure you can pull something nice out of your closet. Honestly, your cousin probably wouldn't care if you brought a gift they would be happy that you showed up. If you really feel you need to bring a gift how about a collage picture frame you can pick one up for about 10 bucks.

2007-09-04 13:48:17 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1 0

Family is family. explain what you have explained here. You could also send a present after the fact. If i still decided not to go, i would let my cousin know why. THrough a phone call not just a rsvp. I would be upset if my cousin didnt come and i just received an rsvp back with no explaination.

2007-09-04 13:46:10 · answer #9 · answered by anut76 2 · 1 0

If you cannot afford to go, that's more than enough reason not to go. Budgets can only be stretched so far, and you've had a family emergency on top of that.

Send your cousin a congratulatory note, and next time you see her ask her how the wedding was.

2007-09-04 13:42:09 · answer #10 · answered by gileswench 5 · 1 0

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