my brother in law lost his house (got behind on the rent) his wife & family went to stay with her parents and he has been working and looking for a new place. he has not found anywhere (not really looked) and has no money because he spends it all drinking and calling his wife on a prepaid cell phone. he has been "couch surfing" but they are tired of him. now my mother in law wants my husband and i to let him stay with us. well, we have a 2 bedroom place and a 1 1/2 year old little girl. the house guest in question has a drinking problem and has stolen stuff from us in the past so I don't trust him. my husband says it would only be for a week but he won't have money for a place in a week or 10 weeks because he can't save any money. I don't want to have to play the role of the bad guy but I don't want someone I can't trust staying at my house. my husband is supposed to call him in a little while when he gets home from work, i assume because his brother wants him to pick him up and bring
2007-09-04 12:44:15 · 19 answers · asked by viper pilot 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Do not let this bum into your home you'll never get rid of him. Also do you really want an alcholic around your child, just say no and stand your ground.
2007-09-04 12:49:18 · answer #1 · answered by jenny_deliah 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's OK to be the bad guy. Better to be the "bad guy" instead of the Mom of the hurt little girl. Start with your husband though. If he loves his daughter he will understand. Your husband may also not realize all the ramifications of your BIL staying with you.
My brother lived with us for months, but our house had an upstairs that used to be an apartment. So it's not like we were in the same room all the time, but it may as well have been that way. There were times when he wanted to hang out, but I was busy. We had to be careful about things like s e x. I was always terrified my brother would hear even the slightest noise so that aspect of our marriage took a nose dive for a while. I didn't think of the added money we would spend on electricity and water, but it made a big difference. My brother didn't care about conserving it like we did. Not to mention the morning we woke up to a strange guy on our couch. He was wasted so he wouldn't wake up and he scared the heck out of me and my husband and the noise woke the kids. Then my brother sleeps like the dead, so we had a hard time waking him up to get his friend to go upstairs where the friend was supposed to be.
Even when someone is well wanted to visit and stay for a while we want them to leave after a few days so you can get back to "normal" life. I think if you and your husband really think of what it means to have your BIL stay for even a couple of days your husband will see it's not a good idea. If your MIL thinks its a good idea he can stay with her.
2007-09-04 20:21:38 · answer #2 · answered by the Family Lighthouse 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
wow. I know how it feels to have unwanted houseguest. and it's even worse when it's someone you don't trust. I went thru this situation a few years ago with my mother in law who has a drug problem and it was pure hell. and that one week turned into 11 months, 2 weeks and 3 days. and i had to be the one to go out and find a place doe her and her 2 younger children and boyfriend to go.... and loan them the money for the first months rent and half the deposit.... which i still have not gotten back to this day.
I regretted not following my initial instinc to put my foot down and say no from the day they arrived until the day they left. And when the situation came about again not even a year later..... I was considered the bad guy because I said "Hell No!!!" and meant every word of it. My husband was upset at first, but after I broke it all down to him he understood where i was coming from and his mother and her boyfriend realized they had to eiter sink or swim (but they just waded because theyv found another relative to mooch off of until she threw them out)
it's no fun to feel like a prisoner in a place you pay bills at and your name sits on the lease. So i say put your foot down. tell your husband you will not have his brother staying there period. not a week, not a day.... not at all. you have just as much right in the place you live as he does. And he needs to respect your wishes. And if he can't respect your wishes then you need to reevaluate your relationship with him ASAP
His brother is grown and needs to learn to stand on his own two feet. If people keep catching him when he falls he'll never learn plain and simple.
Best of luck to you
2007-09-04 19:59:23 · answer #3 · answered by thick & beautiful 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
By all means be the bad guy if you have to. There is nothing wrong with standing up for yourself and if they don't like it tough. Just because they feel obligated to take his sorry behind in, doesn't mean you should. Like you said, you have your own responsibilities. If he will only be at your place for a week, then he can just stay put for another week. Why would he want to move now and then again in 7 days? Because he's not planning on moving again in 7 days that's why. He will stay at your house until he is forced out. Why should he save his money to get his own place. Up to now, everyone has been taking care of him for free.
I'm with you. Don't let him stay one night or else you will never get rid of him.
I know how it is. We have had most of my husbands family here at one time or another. I finally had enough of the freeloading. I told my husband either they go or I do. I felt like I didn't belong in my own house. It's not my fault that they can't save money, so why should me and my children suffer because of their stupidity?
2007-09-04 19:53:52 · answer #4 · answered by ♦justme♦ 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
UGH! You are a very smart lady and your reasons for not wanting your brother in law on your couch is valid, not to mention that you are right...that week will stretch out into a month or more. If he is couch surfing it doesnt sound like he is seriously seeking employment. It is not your husband's responsbility to take in his brother and I hope your husband respects your position since it is your home also. Right now your in laws are being an enabler by allowing him to lazily lay about on them. They do not want to deal with the responsibilty and would feel too guilty to put him out on the streets or send him away (which honestly should be what should be done to force him to do better for himself) so they figure they would put that burden on you and your husband. State your case and feelings to your husband. I hope he honors your request and leave his brother where he is. And by the way..not wanting a lazy person and thief in your home does not make you a bad guy. It makes you a real person.
2007-09-04 19:53:42 · answer #5 · answered by philly_q_t_2004 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sorry you are in the middle of this mess. Families often come with a lot of complications. I hear what you are saying and i sympathies. My first instinct to your question is to tell you not to be the bad guy. Your husband needs to handles this however he thinks is right. The reason is because if and when your sister or someone wants to stay it should be your decision what to do. Let him deal with this mess and if he stays at all give him a small time frame.
2007-09-04 19:54:40 · answer #6 · answered by phylobri 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
PUT YOUR FOOT DOWN. I wouldn't let someone I didn't trust stay in my hosue either. You have yourself and your little on to think of besides what your Brother-in-law is going to do. I know JESUS wouldn't turn him away, but in turn I don't think he would blame you for not wanting him there. I really hope you come up with a nice way to tell the hubby NO. Because a week will turn into a month and so on. GOOD LUCK to you..
2007-09-04 19:51:29 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I agree with you that since you live in a 2 bedroom house and have a baby, there is really no room to have a permanent guest and that is just about what he would turn out to be. It is up to you to make your husband understand that having a live-in guest would take away your family time and really disrupt your happy home.
2007-09-04 19:55:06 · answer #8 · answered by jcf6865 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You've got to be the bad guy, because your hasband won't be. You have a child to be concerned about. Drunks and children don't mix.
This guy hasn't learned spit from his misfortune and he will only cause grief to you and your family. You don't honestly believe this parasite will be gone in a week, do you ? Well maybe he will, but with all your jewelry and check book.
Girl, you're married to a whoose, and a not very smart one at that. Stick to your guns, or you will be the unhappy member of the second family to go down, in short order !
2007-09-04 19:55:13 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Guy you don't trust+little girl = bad news. Don't let him stay at your house, it would be better to be the bad guy versus someone outside your immediate family then the pushover protector of your family. Plus you have the perfect house for an excuse, tell them you just don't have room! Is it financially possible for everybody involved to maybe pitch in and rent him an economy apartment somewhere?
2007-09-04 19:50:18 · answer #10 · answered by Rose 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is your house. You and your husband have got to set firm rules if your brother in law stays with you. The Rules are up to you and your husband. If the brother in law won't abide by the rules then put him out.
2007-09-04 19:54:06 · answer #11 · answered by NavyVet64 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋