Upcoming wedding and dealing with terminal cancer?

Question

I posted this in weddings as well, not sure which category was best....
My fiancee and I are getting married on 10/20, and over the course of the last year, his mother has been battling cervical cancer. We thought she was in the clear early in the year, so we got everything planned. A couple months ago we were given the bad news: it spread viciously (stage IVb) and we're not sure how long she has. She's deteriorating every day and might not be able to attend. We nixed the idea of moving it up, we don't want her to think we're "rushing" her or showing any signs of something being wrong. We will do our best to carry on no matter what the circumstances. If she is still here we'll visit her and have a "mock" ceremony after the church and before the reception. If she's not with us, we'll try to do our best to continue with our plans.
I'm just wondering has anyone had to go through this before, with a parent? How did you cope with it? We're you able to go through with it?

I just wanted to add - we're not hiding anything from her or not acknowledging the condition. She too, is aware of this. We will speak to her in a couple of weeks to tell her of our plans, we are in no way writing her off. As of now she is on so many painkillers and when she's not sleeping, she's very agitated and won't talk of any of it. We've been keeping her very much involved as we can. In the last two weeks it has gotten alot worse to where conversation is almost impossible. Getting her to the church will also probably not be an option, she is bed-ridden and getting worse. Believe me, I'm not trying to be negative, just realistic. I'd take her place if I could. I guess that's why I was really looking for responses from people that have gone through this, and how they coped with it. We already know what we're doing, I was just curious on how others handled it. Thanks, kindly.

Answer 1

My step-mom was in the end stages of brain cancer when I got married, when we planned it she was ok, but turned out not to be able to attend the wedding.
I would just make sure that your husband is ok with everything staying on the same time schedule. I don't think it will matter if she won't be able to come even if you got married today.
I think you are handling it very well and tasteful!

Answer 2

Yes...future sis in law went in to a coma. It was devistating but the Mom came anyway even though she was a wreck. If you should proceed with your plans, make the most of what you have and leave your emotions aside until you have private time together. It takes very strong people to do that and you really need to consider all the alternatives before continuing with your plans. Best wishes and I am sorry to hear about her taking such a bad turn.

Answer 3

What a clash of joy and sorrow all at once. I'm sorry. I don't know that you need to have a mock ceremony, but making her feel honored and loved is a sweet thing to do. It's quite a change from a lot of the questions around here, too, I might add.

Answer 4

A friend of mine went through this-his mohter was dying.. him and his wife just got a minister to come to the house and marry them..only relatives and maybe a close friend or two. After she passed, they had a really nice reception for everyone.

I think it will be so nice for his mom to be a part of your wedding..have a minister (or rev. or whatever religion you are) come to the house and get married in the living room, backyard, hallway..anything! so what the two of you wont have the wedding you wanted..you love each other and are marrying and marriage is about sacrifice. Let her be part of it, schedule a fun reception later on.

Answer 5

Similar situation. Quite difficult, and leaves a bitter sweet taste in your mouth. You must move forward with your plans and do the best you can. That is what she would want. Trust me she knows she is fading fast. If anything she is trying to protect ya'll from the ultimate. So very sorry for your circumstances.

Answer 6

No, I never have. But I think that she would want you guys to continue on as planned. Have you both tried sitting down and discussing it with her like you just did with your concerns to Y!A? It's not like she isn't aware of what's going on with her and I'm sure it would help her if people talked like she was still here instead of trying to keep things from her like she isn't or protecting her. Treat her like she is among the living, because she is!! And if (hopefully not) she does pass before the wedding - you will both feel a tad better on your special day knowing that you had discussed your feelings with her and knowing how she truly felt. You never know - miracles happen everyday..........my prayers are with you and you're family.

Answer 7

We moved our wedding date up. His mom passed away four days later while we were on our honeymoon. We were both glad she had been able to attend, and she had voiced repeatedly how glad she was to be there on our wedding day.
We all knew she was terminal, and he and I told her we were moving the date up to be sure she would be with us for it. There is nothing wrong with that and we were both glad we did it.
Not acknowledging that she is indeed terminal is not a good idea, you deny her the right to say her goodbyes when you act like nothing is wrong. Something is very much wrong, she is dying, acknowledge that, let her know she is valued and will be missed.

Answer 8

i havent gone through this and im sorry i cant help but i do wish you and your family a lot of luck in the upcoming months

Answer 9

no but i'm really sorry that ur mother in-law is going throw this. for me i would wont to spend all the time i can with her

Answer 10

YES, MY SISTER PLANNED A HUGE WEDDING/RECEPTION AND 4 MOS BEFORE WEDDING WEM FOUND OUT OUR DAD HAD BONE, BRAIN LUNG LYMPH NODE CANCER, SHE MARRIED ON SAT, HE DIED ON SUN, HE WASN'T ABLE TO ATTEND, AND IT IS VERY VERY HARD TO PRETEND TO BE HAPPY WHEN YOU ARE EXTREMELY UPSET, BUT IT CAN BE DONE...