Why do American parents have no or little control on their children?

Answer 1

I think it is due in part because of guilt. Many parents turn their children over to other people for most of their waking hours. So when they are with their children they feel that they must buy them everything, give into their every whim. Another part is, you can't discipline your children in public without worrying about who is watching and if they're going to call child services on you because you give your child a smack on the bum when they misbehave. Speaking for myself, my children usually are only out of control (in public) when they don't get their way. They try to use it as a bargaining chip that usually fails them, hence the obnoxious behavior. :) Plus, from things that I have heard and read about, European culture is generally more family oriented.

Answer 2

I would like to say that as an American parent, I feel I have very good control over my 21 month old.
She listens very well for her age. Yes, she is defiant at times, but what child isn't, especially right around age 2?!?

I don't think it's just an American thing, go to every part of the world and you will see some children that have more control over their parents and you will see parents that have control over their children. It's not just an American thing!

Answer 3

I guess the reason that it appears that American parents have little or no control over their kids is because many parents have abdicated their role as being the "traditional" parent in favor or being the "cool" parent. Being a good parent means being a parent. Kids don't want or need a 40 year old buddy.

Nowadays with so many households having an absent parent, it leaves the in house parent working twice as much to bring in an income and less time, energy, and inclination to do the important job: parenting. So they think if they appeal to their kids that they will earn loyalty and respect and good behavior.

However, it ultimately gives the opposite effect: kids out of control because they don't have a parenting parent in the house.

Answer 4

You really can't lump all of America's parents in one big homogeneous group. I have been an American for all of my 48 years plus I have been a mom to 4 kids for 28 years (now ages 28, 25, 22, and 10). I also have provided child care in my home for 20 years. I run a pretty tight ship with my own kids plus the children who have been entrusted to my care. Expectations are set pretty high and I am a stickler for letting kids deal with the consequences of their actions. We live in a small, close-knit community in Michigan and the vast majority of the parents I know hold similar views when it comes to what is important while parenting. Most of the kids respect their teachers and the administration plus have pretty good manners (or at least are working on them). Of course, there are kids whose parents let them run wild, but by far they are in the minority and generally become well-known, but not in a good way. What criteria did you use to come to the conclusion that American parents specifically have no control over their children? Are you living in another country and base your judgements on television or other media? If so, that is a skewed view of the mainstream American family. My family and most of the families I know would never make the evening news nor does our lifestyle even remotely mimic any of the sitcom shows. Our lives are pretty boring stuff compared to that. Perhaps your observation is based on American families visiting your country. Again, not mainstream America where most of us can't afford to travel out of the country. If you live in America and base your judgements on the behavior of a few misbehaving kids at the mall or the grocery store, even the most strict parents have kids who act up now and then. Take a good look - there are plenty of parents out there doing a good job raising their kids. When was the last time you gave a "good job" or an encouraging smile to a parent dealing the right way with a misbehaving child? I do agree that there are some parents who have little to no control over their kids, but I don't think it's the majority nor do I think it's only America who has parents in need of some parenting classes, guidance, and encouragement. It's easy to judge, especially if you aren't a parent yourself.

Answer 5

Many people believe that the laws say you aren't allowed to spank your children or yell at them because it is abusive. So when other techniques don't work (many times because parents aren't consistant), they loose control of their kids because they are afraid they will go to jail if the kids are "disaplined". YES, you are allowed to spank! But there is a very fine line between spanking and beating. If you yell at your kids several times a day, that's what they are used to and they just learn to ignore the parents. Spanking should be only a last resort and with your hands ONLY as well as only three swats. Unfortunatly, both parents are almost required to work to get by now adays. So when their kids are in their teens, no one is really around to keep watch over them and they just do as they please. If you ever wonder if what you are doing is wrong, just think.... "if someone is video taping me right now, then show me later, would I be embarrased or ashamed to see myself?"

Answer 6

I have plenty of control over my children. I have had them in line since day 1. I understand where you are coming from and your question, but I don't believe that this is just an American problem. Some parents just let their chilren run wild, and walk all over them. Unfortunately Americans have no shame when it comes to this, and actually go on television (sometimes in order to seek help).

I have made it clear to my girls the rules and how things are going to be, and they fell into line. They see the consequences if they fall out of line, and they don't like it. They have things taken away, go to the corner, etc. if they are out of line. On the flip side, if they behave and stay in line, they are rewarded, and they like the rewards. Sometimes the rewards are small, like extra treats at the supermarket just because they asked nicely (unlike MOST kids nowadays!), and then there are the grander treats (we live in central FL, so we often go to the parks...which they ALWAYS enjoy!). We firmly believe that our girls are going to be fully functioning members of society, and are constantly getting complimented on how well behaved they are (not only by relatives), but by other parents, teachers, and daycare providers. It never grows old.

Answer 7

I don't know about other parents but I have plenty of control over mine. You may not be able to spank or whoop your kids like we all got when we were kids.. But we do have lots of ways to control them. Computers, phones, game systems and friends. It amazing what a " you do nothing for 2 weeks" can get done. And stick behind what you say. A major issue is parents who threaten and never follow through. If a child learns that your aren't going to do what you threatened you were going to do, then they are taught, by you, that they can do whatever they want to, when they want to.

Answer 8

well, laziness is one answer...

my perception though is fear of reprisal... kids nowadays know that they can threaten their parents with a call to child protective services and the child will be believed whatever the story.

personally, I think a bit of discipline (ie spanking) could help alleviate this, put the power back in the parents' hands (no pun intended, and in no way do I justify abuse, spanking is more of a humiliation thing, well, as I'm referring to it)

It's about balance, just like everything else, and we as Americans don't understand a 'happy medium' (well, at least as the media will portray it)... we take one extreme or another... Thanks George.. you're either with us or against us...

Answer 9

i guess i can't speak for all Americans, but most of the families i know go through alot to teach their children right and wrong, and to guide them through life.. I suppose that is "control"
but i'm a country girl, born and raised on a farm, maybe it is different in the big cities..

Answer 10

I agree with jamie but also think that since we aren't allowed to spank or yell things are a little out of control. I was spanked a lot as a kid and I grew up just fine!