i havent cried in 11 years?

Question

im scared too face my reality, why? id rather go to the front line in iraq then deal with my issues, my repressed emotions. the past 11 years have been emotionless, stale, no joy, happiness, feelings at all, just a sea of self hatred, anxiety, confusion, depression.

its come to a point now i think of ending it all, every month passing it only adds to my mental state. i have nothing to look forward too, i am alone, i view people as empty shells like myself, i cant connect to anyone. i hardly leave my house, everytime i do i become overwhelemd with fear and anxiety and want to vomit.

i think crying, or showing myself is a sign of weakness, and people can see into my soul when i unleash my emotions and that worries me....whats with me?....am i different from other people, i am sensitive to an extreme point. the days are getting long now, im lost at what to do, im so tired.

Answer 1

Tavare, have you heard of the concept of a "comfort zone?" You seem to be very comfortable with your illness. You seem to be rather attached and defensive to being unwell. I do not see any immediate positive results from constantly defining and clinging to feeling bad. It makes more sense to me to go to someone in the medical community, not so much for a cure, which would probably take a while, but more just to ease your feelings of suffering.

As it is right now, you are the illness talking to us. The illness you have is talking to us, telling us, in glowing language and endless descriptions, all about itself. Some would say, telling us "more than we ever wanted to know." I personally feel you have great courage in writing down how you are feeling. I would have you reach outside your situation to someone who could help you feel better.

You seem so attached to wanting to tell us how awful everything is about you and for you. It goes on and on. Even when I have a medical problem, yes, I describe it for myself up to a point, but to just keep on describing it over and over again helps no one, not even you. I am wondering if you want to get well. That, too, may the illness talking. No desire to be well. Giving up - all the illness itself that is talking.

A good doctor who has the training necessary in this kind of circumstance can separate you from the illness and then treat the illness. I also think you would do yourself a tremendous favour in searching out some member of the medical community to help you let go of the illness and reclaim yourself again. The problem seems to be a first class brain or mind which is in an unhealthy relationship to something going on inside itself; in this case, its constant description of its surroundings and feelings.

If I were there with you in person, you would have had an appointment with a specialist last week. I am wondering where your parents are in all of this. Do you have grandparents? Are you in solo flight sitting there thinking up more ways to tell us how bad it all is? Don't you see how important it is to step back from all this description (which is a sickness in itself) and seek outside help to get you well again? We are concerned about here in Yahoo! Answers. Look at how many people who are trying to reach out to help you. Don't you think it would only be fair to consider what we are all telling you about seeing a doctor for this situation in which you find yourself? A doctor can help you end the cycle of describing the illness so it can keep recreating itself inside of you. A doctor can put a wall up between you and what is so upsetting to you. That is what doctors do. They heal people by separating people from what ails them.

Answer 2

That could almost have been written by me. The past 4 years especially. Do you have a lot of anger? Why the past 11 years - why weren't you like this before then? Did something happen to make you close down to people and life?
I have a lot of dwelling in the past, and anger at it and bitterness and my emotions are locked up in that I think. I can't really help you because I'm in the same boat and trying to work on it, but know you are not alone.

Edit: - I see you have or recently had a girlfriend from your previous questions. Did/do you have no nice feelings towards her. Try and find what makes her happy if you are still with her and by doing these things for her, you will gain happiness.

Answer 3

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Answer 5

i wish i could give you a hug mate! I wish you well with your other question but seriously you need to see your doctor. you sound depressed and depression is an illness like anyother and can be treated.
There is a site called www.dailystrength.org which i have found helpful. Crying is not a sign of weakness, you need to let it all out.

The above site has a journal that you can write in when you want to. it might be good to write your story. I wish you well

Answer 6

Dwelling alone, chiefly in a unusual place, is style of frightening. It sounds like you omit the closeness and security of your childhood house and your loved ones. The exceptional option to make these desires easier is to seek out these form of loving relationships on your waking existence- speak to family on the mobilephone, make new friends, etc. I know this is simpler to say than to do. It is typical to have some of these desires- I had them a lot once I went away to institution. Additionally it is natural to nonetheless leave out your grandmother. Except lacking her is stopping you from dwelling a ordinary life, there's no time while you will have to have 'moved on already'. You like her, and that hasn't transformed despite the fact that she's handed away.

Answer 7

It takes a real man to cry no matter what anyone says. You need to see a Therapist and let all this crap out to a good one that can help you honey. If you don't like the first one see another, You may even need to be on medication. There is absolutely no weakness in crying for anyone, I cry when I'm sad and I'm happy or when other people cry it makes me cry. Please don't be so hard on your self there is alot of help out there and support go get it, never think of ending it all. Bless you & good Luck

Answer 8

You sound like me. I was the same way. Wouldn't talk to anyone. Stayed home all the time. Lost all my friends. Then I just gave up !! Got in bed one day and didn't get out !!! I lost a hugh amount of weight !!! My body started eating my muscles !!! My legs gave out and I couldn't even walk !!! AND I still didn't go to the Doctor !!! Then my liver quit and I blew up like a hot air balloon had over 100 lbs of fluid backed up in me. Then I went to the Doctor finally and it was almost too late. After 4 weeks of tests and ultra sounds and a dozen teams of Doctor, I was diagnosed and they saved my life !!! NOW after months of Physical and Occupational Therapy in a nursing home( I am very young) I am up and walking !!! And I am home !!! I AM ALIVE !!!!! and I appreciate every second now. Nothing bothers me. Nothing !!!!!!!! I don't sweat the small stuff !!! I enjoy every precious second I have been given !!!! And I learned II WANT TO LIVE !!!!!!! And that means I want to live my life to the fullest !!! Please go to the Doctor now !!! PLEASE !!!!! You don't have any where to go from where you are now but UP !!!! Go get your life back before it is too late !!! Only you can make you happy. It comes from within you !!! No one else can do it. ONLY YOU !!!! Best of luck to you !!!

Answer 9

I read your question and details and sense such deep sadness. You really must ask for help - not crying is so so damaging. My mum died when I was 18 and I did not cry for years - instead I became a zombie - no emotions, angry and unable to show love to anyone, including myself.

When I did eventually agree to seek help I was in a full depressive episode - and could not allow anyone in to my world.

Crying is hard when you view it as a weakness - and your other feelings certainly suggest that life is unbearable for you - please take the risk and ask for help asap.

Feel free to email me anytime..... thanks for highlighting this issue.....

Answer 10

I had a dear friend, who couldn't cry...things just didn't affect him, and he always held his emotions in, like he was forced to, at an early age..this isn't healthy....you are just a private person, who doesn't want anyone's pity, or critisizm...i think...I pray that you will find God and Jesus in your life, and find the peace that They have for you..They love you,and will sooth you, if you only give yourself over the Them..they await you,and I will say some prayers for you also.. in know that you are a good person..and I am sure, that there is something better waiting for you...