My mom needs a count for catering, but only a few people have responded to the RSVP's. We sent the invitations out a week or two ago and asked them to call to RSVP since we were sort of late on senting out invites (didn't think they'd have time to mail a RSVP card back). Only a few people on each side have actually called! Is it going to kill someone to pick up the phone and call?
What should we do? There's no way for us to know how many is coming!
2007-09-04 06:50:44 · 15 answers · asked by New mommy 2010! 4 in Society & Culture ➔ Etiquette
Oh, and reason for taking so long on invitations is because we were going to invite very few people for cost reasons, but we didn't want to not invite people cause we were worried about hurting their feelings. His best man is letting us get married at his church for next to nothing, so we are able to invite all the people we wanted to invite.
2007-09-04 08:01:03 · update #1
It shouldn't have to be this way, but call these folks and remind them that they need to RSVP immediately. If you don't get an answer, then let them know that they will be in your thoughts on your day, but you must give the caterer and count and if they cannot let you know that they will be there....oh well (put it a little nicer, though!)
Happy wedding and Congrats!
2007-09-04 06:59:46 · answer #1 · answered by plushy_bear 7 · 4⤊ 0⤋
OK, so you made a big mistake by not:
1. Sending out the invitations 6-8 weeks in advance.
2. Not inclosing a postage paid RSVP card.
That bridge has already been crossed, and you can't go back and right that wrong.
So now you're at the point of:
1. Assuming the people who did not RSVP are not coming .
2. Assuming the people who did not RSVP are coming.
At this point, you do not want to:
1. Order and pay for tons of food that will not be eaten and have a bunch of empty tables.
2. Not have enough food for guests who did not respond but show up anyway and not have enough places for them to sit.
So this is what you do. Sit down with your invitation list and start making calls. You tried to save people time and hassle by asking them to call, but in reality, it's much easier to check a box and drop a prepaid card into the mail. People do not like to RSVP by phone because if they are declining, they might want to avoid an awkward situation. ("Oh, you can't come? Why?)
Come up with a "script" that you can use when you call. Maybe get your bridesmaids together and have a little phone-a-thon.
Something like:
"Hi! This is X. I know it's short notice, but my caterer is asking for a final headcount for the wedding in X days. Since I hadn't heard from you, I wanted to know if you'll be attending. I need to let the caterer know by Tuesday, so please give me a call and let me know. Hope to see you there!"
If you have email addresses, you could send out a mass email (hiding recipients, of course) and ask them to respond since most people prefer to respond to formal invitations in writing.
And, honestly, most people are flat out rude. You will always have people who accept invitations and fail to show and you will always have people to decline invitations and show up anyway. You always have people who don't RSVP and show up. And you always have people bring extra people (dates, etc.) who were not invited. Additionally, you always have people who don't bring a gift or give you something that is not to your liking. It sucks, but it always happens. Unfortunately, it's become more common in America to be rude than to show common courtesy.
Just remember how this feels the next time you receive an invitation so you don't unintentionally do this to someone else!
Have a great wedding and good luck to you.
2007-09-04 08:05:13 · answer #2 · answered by Julia D 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Bummer! People are so rude and lazy about RSVPs these days and in a case like yours, it really IS important that you know how many meals you will have to cater for.
While the onus is on them, as the invitations went out late (and the labour day weekend likely got in the way as well) it might not be a bad idea for your mom to phone and find out just who is coming. Can you e-mail any of them?
Congratulations on your wedding and I hope all goes well
2007-09-04 08:09:48 · answer #3 · answered by old lady 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You screwed up. You aren't giving people enough notice. Some people are probably ignoring the rsvp because they feel like you must have invited them at the last minute as an afterthought.
Did you say to call with regrets only? Or say to call to say you were coming only?
Maybe people aren't responding because the late notice means they already have other plans and they don't think they need to call unless they are coming.
You need a number? Then you start making the calls. Expect a lot of people to say they aren't coming. Be very polite and say you are sorry they can't come.
2007-09-04 07:16:02 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
According to the etiquette books, you are supposed to count no response as an affirmative RSVP. It is usually not the thing to do to RSVP to a wedding invitation over the phone. It's possible that the guests were confused. Since it sounds sort of informal anyway, why don't you and your bridesmaids go ahead and call all the people you're waiting to hear from and ask them if you can put them down for a yes.
2007-09-04 07:02:33 · answer #5 · answered by fizzygurrl1980 7 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Well if you sent out the invitations late (at least 8 weeks notice should have been given) I would suggest having a couple of people make a list and call all the invited people and inquire if they are attending. Explain the situtation and the reason for the call and everything will be fine...it will take a little extra work but that is what bridesmaids are for!
2007-09-04 07:24:39 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ok, so you only sent them out about 2 weeks ago. You need to give them time. you should have given a date to call back by. If the day after that date you have not heard from people on whether or not they are coming, you need to pick up the phone and call and just politely say that the dinner is catered per person, so we are paying up front per person and need a proper count if you have a few free minutes could you make sure that you are able to come and let us know. This is the best way to do it. You can get frustrated with people for your mistake on mailing them out too late (dont take that offensively please!!) what you need to do though, is pick a final date that you are going to wait for people to call you, then its your job as the planner and wife to sit down and deligate who is calling who to find out if they are coming
2007-09-04 07:01:29 · answer #7 · answered by kon11stantine11 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Order lots of extra food - many people wait until the last minute to RSVP to an invitation like this. My parents just had their 25th anniversary last year, and they did a whole "renewal of vows" ceremony, and that's exactly what happened there.
2007-09-04 07:33:20 · answer #8 · answered by Richard H 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I used to always think that people were rude and inconsiderate not to respond. However, I have found some of the nicest people get derailed with other activities. They misplace the invitation, put it aside to call and forget. Unfortunately our lives are so hectic we barely have time for ourselves, which is tragic, but it's the world we live in. I would start calling people, and you will find them to be very apologetic saying, "oh my gosh, didn't I send that back??"
2007-09-04 07:22:48 · answer #9 · answered by inkster7 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well it would certainly teach them if you did nothing, wouldn't it? When they did finally call, you could tell them "Sorry, but we've already given the caterer our head count" and chortle at them. But I suppose you're not willing to give up your big party just to make a point of etiquette.
Call them! Round up family & friends and start making calls!
Leave messages telling these people you have a deadline and if they don't get back to you by X-Day, then no free champagne and dancing for them!
2007-09-04 07:25:44 · answer #10 · answered by kill_yr_television 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋