questions to me. I sometimes stay away from social events because from my experience peoples idea of topic for conversation is always a personal one, such as: "You guys have been together for so many years, why aren't you getting married? I am a single mother, and have decided to postpone marriage, for many reasons, which are unreasonable to others and they insist on knowing why. When I say "This is not what I want right now, but may be at some point I will, they tell me that at least I should tell my boyfriend to have some type of life insurance, Even if they are concerned about me I dont care about their concerns, I just dont like being asked those questions. Let's say I am at a gathering, and I am having a nice conversations with a female friend, all of a sudden she takes my friendliness as a license to intrude upon my privacy. Why do people do that and how can I stop it? Is the only way to keep friends is by sharing everything. Ok, so folks, how do you handle? Any tips,
2007-09-04 06:47:45 · 18 answers · asked by may 2 in Society & Culture ➔ Etiquette
How about, "Gee, I'm not sure why you would ask that question."
2007-09-04 06:56:17 · answer #1 · answered by Michele 3 · 4⤊ 0⤋
Why do people do this? Because they're nosy and bossy and think they know how everyone else should live their lives.
Just refuse to discuss it.
"Oh, when I'm ready. I saw the BEST TV show the other night...."
For persistent people you could try "I really don't care to discuss it. Where DID you get that lovely blouse?"
I highly recommend you read some Miss Manners books (you can also find her column on the web at the Washington Post website). She has tons on this very issue, and agrees wholeheartedly that your life is yours, and those others are out of line.
She has lots of tips and things to say in various situations to ward off the interferers.
The key point is to not explain your decisions to any who aren't directly effected (that is, your boyfriend, if he's asked, has a right to know at least some of your thinking on this matter).
Vagueness is also your friend, when people give you advice: "Oh, really?" (be non-committal, then, again, change the subject).
It's been in vogue for quite a while that asking personal questions and giving unsolicited advice are "friendly". At some point, enough people will be tired of other's meddling to turn the tide.
Don't stay away from social events, just the particular people who won't leave you alone.
BTW, saying the same thing over and over (such as "When I'm ready." or "I don't want to discuss it.") are perfectly acceptable and polite. Eventually, the other gets bored with not getting anywhere with you.
Under no circumstances accept their premise that you have an obligation to explain your decisions to their satisfaction. You don't.
Other people do NOT have the right to your personal information (except where YOU want to confide it).
2007-09-04 09:55:47 · answer #2 · answered by tehabwa 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yeah, that really sucks. I get that all the time, because my boyfriend and I have been together for 5 years now, and we've been living together for about 3 of those years, so everyone's always asking us why he hasn't proposed to me yet. It's the way they ask that gets under my skin- like kind of a snarky way of suggesting that he's never going to marry me. In fact, the other day, some random girl I had only met once before asked me if we were married and I said no, and then she said, all snotty, "Well, I would think that after 5 years, a guy would know if he wanted to marry you or not." Implying, of course, that he's never going to ask and I'm wasting my time, which could not be farther from the truth...I simply don't wish to bully him into anything before he's ready, and he's not. Oh, but this is about you so I will tell you how to handle these rude queries about your personal life: next time someone asks you the marriage question, say, "How nice of you to worry about me. I've got it all under control, though." and change the subject.
2007-09-04 06:59:53 · answer #3 · answered by fizzygurrl1980 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
i think it's important to have one or two close friends who will not betray your trust by repeating private information. now as far as these forward questions are concerned, you need to let them know it is a private matter that you only discuss with your boyfriend. or you could ask them a personal question in return like, gee, you and your husband have been together for so long, how in the world can he stand to be around you. well, maybe not that harsh. but the truth is, most people don't realize how personal they are being by such questions. you could always respond with "well, as soon as i know, you will be at the top of my list of people to call" make a joke out of it and that way it won't bother you so badly. sure there are the types that live for gossip but some of these people are probably considering it to be small talk. if you have to be bold you can say, you know, that's mine and what's his name's business. if they don't get the hint then, they may be clueless.
2007-09-09 23:46:14 · answer #4 · answered by christy 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Some people are just nosy, and it can be difficult to get them to respect your space. Though honestly, friends usually share information about themselves with each other. You don't have to share everything, but relationship stuff is almost always one of those subjects. But be honest... are these people really "friends" or just "acquaintances"?
If there are subjects you'd rather not get into, or don't want to elaborate on your answer, then just say so. If someone asks the marriage question, say "It's a personal choice", and if they try to pry further, just tell them you'd rather not get into it. If they're really a friend, they'll respect you enough to drop it until you're ready to discuss it. If they're just an acquaintance, and they can't be respectful, then do you really want their company?
2007-09-04 07:06:42 · answer #5 · answered by Maebnus 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You can always be frank and tell your friend that you don't want to talk about it. No need to explain why. Just let your statement be. That is rather standoffish to the other person but, you can always be nice and turn a serious conversation by steering it into another safe topic that will get your friend's interest away from you and your personal life.
2007-09-11 19:58:37 · answer #6 · answered by annabelle p 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have the same problem. I tell people that I am a very private person, and don't like questions asked of me for personal reasons that I don't care to devulge. Those who are real, genuine friends will respect and accept you. I have many "acquaintenances" in my life and we get along great. I have been married 27 yrs. and even my own husband doesn't know everything about me and he respects my privacy.
2007-09-04 07:03:51 · answer #7 · answered by Pancake 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You could just respond with something like, "You know, it's such a long story I'd hate to take up your whole evening trying to explain it to you. Tell me about that growth on your neck. Is that a goiter or did you swallow a football?" Just kidding about the latter part of that...but I'm sure you get the idea. Good luck!
2007-09-09 15:34:15 · answer #8 · answered by ndn_ronhoward 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Shocking isn't it. I find it annoying that in a social situation people feel they can intrude on your private life. Its called being NOSEY.
I've started to say 'Thanks for your concern, but I am not here to discuss my personal life'. Say it nicely, with a smile. Translation: Mind your own business.
It works. Most people realize that they have over stepped the boundaries of normal socialization.
If they get annoyed, so be it.
You are not obligated to explain yourself to anybody. I wouldn't stop socializing because a few people cannot control their curiosity. Just let them know its not okay.
2007-09-04 07:06:38 · answer #9 · answered by Pacifica 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Respond with a direct question back to them: "Why is that important to you?"
Make light of it: "Please tell me you're not phoning 60 minutes with the exciting details of my personal life!!!!"
Be flippant and dismissive about it rather than putting up the defensive walls, "Oh Golly Gee, I'm sure we can explore other avenues of conversation other than my personal life."
Then lead them to other areas you prefer to talk about.....like current events, sports, the weather, work, etc., anything that runs that little nosy train of theirs off track.
I don't think you'll get anybody rude enough to persist, but if you do, address them head on. "I'm here to relax not to discuss my personal life." Then simply excuse yourself and move to another part of the room. Don't let people push you back into a world where you feel like you have justify who you are just because they're clods who don't have any manners.
When you are hit with questions that make you feel uncomfortable, envision a tennis game where someone has just lobbed a ball over your net. Quickly return that ball to their court and put them right back on the defensive. Don't play their game, make them play yours. You owe no one explanations about your life, you do not have to answer questions just because people ask them anymore than you have to answer the door or the phone if you don't feel like it.
2007-09-08 17:22:45 · answer #10 · answered by autumlovr 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would keep it light in your response to personal questions you'd rather not share. For example on the marriage one you could say, We don't have things firmed up, but I promise you'll be the first to know! If they persist just say, well we'll see what the future brings. They should get the hint but if they don't say "I'd rather not discuss this right now(then change topics), but hey what's happening with xyz? As far as unsolicited advice about whether he has insurance that borders on rude. But you could say "gee, those are things under discussion with me and him, thanks for thinking of us". If they cross the line then they're just idiots and just walk away.
2007-09-04 07:29:05 · answer #11 · answered by inkster7 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋