Should the man pay for first date?

Question

I just had a first date. He asked me out. He paid for the coffee. He paid for my movie ticket. He did not offer to pay for my popcorn and coke. I've never had a man not offer to pay for everything when he was the one that asked me out so I was very surprised. Should a man pay for everything on the first date if he asked you out? I was raised and taught that man should pay for everything out of courtesy since he was the one that invited.

Please state your age if you are under 35 since there will probably be a difference in view points from the younger generation.

Thanks!

Okay to answer a few of the comments below.... We are both 38 and have great jobs so money is not an issue for either of us. This is more of a question of courtesy. He did not know I was surprised because I did not let on about it and simply paid for popcorn. He said I am very sweet and he wants to take me out again so he does not think I am spoiled. Also I do not have a problem picking up the tab when I am the one who invites or sharing the cost on a subsequent date. The question was about the FIRST date and should he pay if he was the one who invited me. Thanks.

Answer 1

Yes, he should have paid. I agree that after the first date the tab can be split or picked up by the female. I don't have a problem paying but if he asks me out he's gonna pay.

Answer 2

28

I agree with Lew. You sound a little spoiled.

Personally, I do like to pay for everything when on a date. But at the same time I take notice to how the woman reacts to that. The best reaction a girl can give is saying "Oh let me pay for this since you paid for that." A girl who does that at least once during the date gets big points, I will always insist how that I pay for everything since I asked her out, and if she makes a big deal I tell her she can pay next time.

The very worst reaction is the "I am entitled to this" attitude. It's 2007 and I am not a rich rock star, dinner and a movie is not cheap, a girl should at least care that I am spending all this money to show her a good time.

It is possible that this guy saw you had an entitled attitude and decided not to waste any more money. Good for him.

Answer 3

Here's the deal--lots of young women are still figuring out what it is to be an adult woman in today's world. They know they want to be treated like full adults rather than children or pets and yet there is something simultaneously appealing about being cared for and even doted on a little bit. This seems to create something of a disconnect for some women, and therefore, in their interactions with men. Some people also feel apologetic about their real feelings because they don't jive with their stated worldview. That aside, I can only offer my own person views on the subject as a 40-something woman. I want an equal chance at my job and generally in life. I don't expect to be unable to purchase a home because I am a woman, I expect to be able to get my car fixed without being robbed because I'm not a guy, I expect that my male counterpart and I are paid the same wage for doing the same job. In the ways that I'm approached/dealt with in public life, I expect to be treated as well as any other customer/patient. etc even though I am a woman. In my love life, I expect to be treated differently from everyone else by the man I am with. The significant person in your life should WANT TO treat you better then some nameless stranger he may encounter in the bank lobby or in line at the market. Often times, people who are dating and getting to know one another go to restaurants. If he doesn't feel like I am special enough to treat me while on a date he asked for, then I am no different to him than any other diner in the restaurant, and I AM different-at least to him I should be--you would think. If he can't spring for dinner, he's either cheap or not interested in treating me like I'm very special-either way, why would I want to date either of those men? I wouldn't. That is not to say the man is a gravy train. I think both people should be treating their partner like the are very special and do what they can for each other-both of them. My husband is a happy man, and I am a happy wife because we understand and remember that for each other, we are truly special. If you want to keep love, you can't keep score.

Answer 4

I'm 24

First off you sound like a spoiled brat.

That being said, I would have paid for everything, but depending on how old you are, Movies are expensive, you can't expect a 16 y/o kid to buy your $25 soda and popcorn along w/ a $15 movie ticket ect...
where's a 15-16 gonna get a "spare" $40 from?

Answer 5

28, I would assume as well that the man should pay for everything. However, with that being said, he did pay for the coffe and the movie. Was it your idea of purchase something from the concession stand or his? Perhaps, he didn't have enough money to cover that since there's so overpriced and just assumed that since you wanted it - you didn't mind paying for it. Just a thought.

Answer 6

Ok so the guy asked you out. And for the most part he paid for everything except for a few minor things. Why make a big deal out of it. he asked you but when a guy asks you out do you think it means you get a free ride on everything? maybe he wanted to see how cheap you are and if you would dig in your pocket at all..
You should always remember us guys regardless what we say are always adding everything up and will always expect something in return for our investment. yes it sounds like i'm a pig but i never knoew a guy that spent alot on a first date that actually only expected a handshake at the end..

Answer 7

Usually the person who asks pays for everything. It doesn't matter their gender.

That said... why are you complaining? don't tell me you didn't leave the house without having at least $50 of your own money with you? THAT would just be foolish!

finally.. what does it really matter? You just found out something about the person you went out with that could be a deal breaker... just don't go out with him again. Pretty simple.

Answer 8

the real question is do you think you are ENTITLED to getting things paid for simply because you are a female and he asked you out?
too many females think the guy must pay for it all, and then they claim independence. in fact real independence cost money, as in rent, car, insurance and yes dates, an most women when it comes down to dating feel that one area where the guy should always pay, as if their time was worth more than the man's, and thus should be compensated accordingly, this puts the "independent" women on a pedestal and makes her unapproachable for the guy who does not have the means to "impress" on her his financial outlays, and that's a dead wrong message to send out you young guys
so to answer you question
no
it should be dutch

Answer 9

I think it's a natural assumption to make that whoever makes the invitation should pay.On a first date you can also make a gesture: "Can I get the tip?" The next time, you can treat and keep an even playing field.

Answer 10

I think that the male should pay for the first date but I dont that they should hve to pay for everything after the first date. When I had my first date with my boyfriend about two years ago he paid for everything on the first date but I now I sometimes pay for the date or he does we are equal and we both pa for things on a date.

Answer 11

I'm 19 and I think the man should pay, but I don't care much about this.. it shows that he cares about his image in society, because the general belief is that the man should pay. If he doesn't pay, he may get a negative reaction from the woman, as he doesn't know her social background and the way she's been educated. My boyfriend pays every time he makes the invitation.