how to handle a misbehaving toddler?

Question

i know how to handle my son when he throws a tantrum but when he hits, screams, or throws things at you what do you do? Our son is 20 months old and he hits my husband and i allot, throws stuff at us and other family members and i dont know how to handle him, we spank him, give him time outs and this doesnt work. We have tryed to teach him sign language so when he wants more food or a drink to let us know but he doesnt use it, he use to but just screams now until you give him it.

Answer 1

Put him in a room where he can't hurt him self and let him scream and go at it untill he stops, could be 10 mins could be 1 hr. Tell him NO and smack his hand when he hits. When my 1 year old got on a kick of pulling peoples hair, we pulled right back and then he knew how it felt and has not done it since.

Answer 2

You answered your own question by ending with "he just screams until you give him it". He screams because he knows eventually you will give in!

The first & most important step is to never, ever, let him "win" with a tantrum. Turn your back and ignore the tantrum completely. If he does it in public, give him a warning and then pack it up and go straight home. When he hits, you calmly say, "I can't play with you (or whatever) because you hit" and proceed to ignore him. The hitting thing is a hard phase, I know.

It is frustrating for toddlers and parents alike when the toddler is not totally verbal yet, but even without words, he'll learn quickly that acting out equals a total lack of attention. No toddler wants that!

Answer 3

You teach children how to behave - so you need to set guidelines. If you want him to practice any behavior (sign language, using words or signals versus hitting, etc.) then you need to enforce it. Do not give him food when he screams and do not respond positively when he hits.

If he is screaming for a drink - put the drink where he can see it and do the "drink" motion until he does it too. Once he does the motion, give him the drink. Eventually he will begin doing it voluntarily - once he realizes that the screaming is not what works, but the gestures.

The same thing with hitting. Find out WHY he is hitting you. Is it for attention? Is it for a toy? When he hits say "ouch" and "please do not do that, that hurts Mommy." or a similar response. Tell him that it hurts you and let him see it in your face. Find some kind of constant punishment like time-out or putting him in his room so he knows taht whenever he hits - this happens. If he gets up from time out or leaves his room say "no, you hurt mommy. you need to stay there until i say so." and put him back where he belongs. It is a tedious and long process - but he will eventually listen and begin behaving how you want him to.

In the end, remember that he is a child. You are the adult and as long as you set boundaries with set consequences he will listen to you. Try to always remain calm and disciplined (it isn't easy...) to establish that you are in control of the situation.

Good luck!

Answer 4

Hmmm, teach a child not to hit by hitting him? Does that make any sense at all? Think about it.

Please don't hit your children. It teaches them that it's alright to hit in order to deal with others; which is exactly what you're trying to teach him NOT to do.

If your child is throwing tantrums it may be that he's overstimulated or under stimulated. More toys might be a solution, so too maybe taking a few away. Also, watch his diet ... is he getting a lot of sugury snacks and drinks? You'd be surprised at how much sugar a 20 month old can consume in beverages such as Juice in a day.

Good luck!

Answer 5

Toddlers learn by imitation. So spanking him, is saying "its ok to spank" = "its ok to hit" Personally I also think 20 months is too young for typical time outs. What you need to do is more of immediate feedback. If he throws something at the table, remove him from the table, or turn his chair around. Kind of a zero tolerance policy. And dont give something to him when he screams. Repeat "use your words" even if their sign language words.

As I said before, toddlers learn by imitation, so even have your husband and yourself, (other kids?) use sign language when asking for something from eachother. Id say keep going with the sign language, and always make sure to say the words too as you do it. Its a hard stage, since they want to communicate, but dont immediately know how, and do what works - the screaming.

Answer 6

Super timeouts with folded hands. I'm talking 10-15 minutes AFTER he quiets down. No bribery and don't ever give in. If he knows he can force you to do things, he will. Don't ever give in and never say an idle threat.

This advice will work if you are a strong enough parent to follow it.

Answer 7

you can't just try something for a few days and then move on to something else. When he is acting up put him in time out everytime and don't give in, cause he knows that you will. You may have to put him in time out twenty times a day, but if you stick to it, he will get the message.

Answer 8

Supernanny! She has her own T.V. show and a book. Her techniques work if you follow through with them and are consistent. That's the important thing no matter what form of discipline you choose, consistency.

Answer 9

I have 3children and recently our 24month old put us through similar situations , kid at that age r smarter than we think.Don't overreact their waiting 4 a response stay calm and wait it out he'll get sick of timeout eventually

Answer 10

try to mildly ignore him until he learns that only respect and patience gets him what he needs. it will be trying in the beginning but will pay off soon enough.