My boyfriend of 5 years just told me on Sunday that he doesn't believe in God. This is quite the shocker since I have such a close relaionship with God. I am at the point now that I cannot believe he never told me before. He has always been there for me with my beliefs and we have gone to church together a number of times. He told me that he knew I did and he didn't want to discourage me, because he knew that I did. We have talked about getting married on numerous occasions, but the Bible highly discourages christians to marry non-christrians. After 5 years I have fallen completely in love with him, though, but now I cannot quit thinking of this...what would be your best advice??
2007-09-04 04:33:14 · 24 answers · asked by Kaylin 4 in Society & Culture ➔ Religion & Spirituality
We have lived in different states for about 4 years now, so we have mainly done the long distance thing...of course we visit each other quite often and talk everyday....perhaps that is why we never actually discussed this and why I just assumed...because we talk about things going on in our lives, not how he doesn't believe in God.
2007-09-04 04:35:59 · update #1
He said the reason he doesn't believe is because someone really close to him in his family passed away after he spent months praying. He said after that he just didn't know why God would allow that to happen if He really existed.
2007-09-04 04:49:20 · update #2
That is the thing, we have talked about it, but he basically lied and said he did believe in God so as to not discourage me from my relationship with God.
2007-09-04 04:54:31 · update #3
Kaylin, you have gotten plenty of advice in a variety of directions. Let me simply share with you my experience. I have many lonely women in church who married a non believer and are now attending church alone. Most of them eventually quit coming. They have lost their dream of being a Christian family and are embarrassed about the questions like we sure miss your husband.
Only you can decide whether this relationship is right for you. But I would think carefully. For a Christian our faith is the most important thing in our life. To not be able to share it with the one we love, hurts.
If you do choose to marry him, please don't believe that he will change after marriage. Too many women are unhappy because they "knew" their husbands would change out of love. It rarely happens.
I do recommend that you both sit down with a pastor and discuss this. Because of the physical distance, I would recommend that at least you discuss this with your own pastor.
Pastor John
Addendum: Kaylin, I need to amend my answer. The new information you added tells me that this is a young man who believed in God enough to pray for someone he loved. When that person died, he became embittered toward God allowing that to happen. This is a natural part of grieving. I would suggest that you encourage him to visit with a pastor and discuss this.
2007-09-04 04:56:29 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 1⤋
Pray about it.
I wouldn't suggest marrying him. I'm sorry, really I am. But I'm saying this from experience. My husband and I have NEVER shared religious views, ever. When he was an atheist, I was a non-religious theist. When he was agnostic, I was leaning towards Christianity. Now, he's a non-religious theist, and I'm a Christian.
It hasn't been easy.
But no one can tell you one way or the other, without knowing you and your boyfriend personally. That's why I seriously suggest praying about it. Ask God to reveal to you whether you're supposed to marry him or not. And if you're NOT supposed to marry him, I would suggest breaking off the relationship as soon as possible.
I wish you the best of luck, though, and I pray that no matter what happens, God gives you peace and strength.
2007-09-04 04:42:37 · answer #2 · answered by The_Cricket: Thinking Pink! 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋
It is a grave and great concern that "now" and all of a sudden this has become an issue.
You mentioned that it has gone on for 5 years, and only now has confessed this to you.
I would seriously wonder what "else" there is unannounced in his life and past.
As hard as it is, it is usually recommended that you pray for the strength to break this off. If for the very reason that he has truthfully not come clean.
If you did marry him in the state he is in, you will indeed bring on yourself much heartache, pain and confusion.
If he has been "fronting" for 5 years, for "your sake", then I seriously have a hard time believing he will be faithful to you and 100% committed, despite his lack of belief.
You know the bible in its recommendation for light not to dwell the dark. If he had shown any sincerity to "wanting" to come to the light, it would have worked out anyhow, but his actions and timing only display a lack of respect to you and to the conduct of a "real" relationship.
http://www.housefellowship.org
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2007-09-04 04:43:24 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 4⤊ 0⤋
Through my fraternal work I did work for an elderly couple that had been married for 70 years. She was very active in her church and lived her faith daily...he was a devote atheist....they accepted and supported each other for all those years and raised 3 children together....it can be done...
Your relationship being long distance makes me wonder whether the two of you really know each other....you talk which is very very good...but you talk surface....you have lived apart for 4years in different states...that is very hard to develop a true relationship.....I am more concerned about the distance between you than your different belief systems.
2007-09-04 04:44:33 · answer #4 · answered by chico2149 4 · 4⤊ 1⤋
Ouch.. That is such a tough situation to be in. I know because I was there a few years ago. I had a boyfriend of 5 years AND we had two kids together. Sometime during all that I came to know Christ. I knew I wasn't on the path He was choosing for me. I knew He wanted me to leave my boyfriend. But it was so hard. I waited longer than I should have, but eventually I did leave him, and you know what? God blessed me with a wonderful marriage to a great Christian guy who far surpasses anything Hollywood can dream up. You don't know a healthy relationship until you have one that is Christ-centered. :)
That's my two cents. May He bless ya Kaylin.
2007-09-04 04:42:52 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 4⤊ 1⤋
I am not a Christian, but my husband is a Christian and I am an atheist. It is possible to have a happy marriage and differing beliefs, the key to it is to respect each other and the beliefs of each other. We have been married for almost 10 years and never fought over religion. With our children we have chosen to teach them and encourage them to learn about all religions and to let them choose what fits them the best. I hope whatever happens that your choice is the best for the both of you.
2007-09-04 04:49:03 · answer #6 · answered by curls 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
My atheist friend hid his atheism from his wife. They are now having huge problems. I am also atheist but told him it was his own dishonesty which led to this. If he had been honest with her before marriage, would they have married? I don't know. I let every woman I date know I am atheist in a polite manner as soon as they ask where I go to church. Sure, it results in a lot of once-only dates but leaves no bad taste in our mouths.
You'll have to make your own choice here. I know some other atheist/believer couples who get along just fine through simple respect.
2007-09-08 09:30:03 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are a Christian & need to obey the Lord. Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers. Because where is there any agreement regarding the things of God.
So? Thank God this is revealed to you now. Before you married. As this isn't the case with me. I married someone who went to church with me, etc. But after marriage, I forgot about God. 10 yrs later had a breakdown. My healing happened when I went to Church & was prayed for. My husband didn't agree with anything about God. He persecutes me still today with his drunkedness & his music. See? There isn't agreement with music either. He will love worldly ungodly music. I love Christian music. He won't let me listen to my music around him. But he tries to force his music on me.
So? Everyone I know who made the same mistake I made, went through a bit of hell.
For a marriage to be successful, God has to be first, then each other, then the children, then the career. If one hates God & one loves God, what agreement is there.
Just meditate on the verse & speak it out loud about 'not to be unequally yoked with unbelievers'. Ask God for the perfect someone, pray for your boyfriend. Now is the time he needs to make a decision for Christ. If he won't make this dicision, tell him what the Word of God tells you. Make sure he doesn't lie to you. He has to truly want to have a relationship restored with God.
Also, now is the time to test him. Talk about God around him. Talk about Jesus. If this is too offensive to him. It will only be worse once married. And then you are in a bondage to not be open about your faith in God around him. See? I was already at the point to not talk about God when I started dating my future husband. Because people were offended too easily & so decided to not bring it up. When it is the most important part of a relationship to have God in it.
You need to seek God about all important life decisions. And if you can't because others are easily offended, then warning bells should ring. Like marriage, career, children, etc...
2007-09-04 04:47:15 · answer #8 · answered by t a m i l 6 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Imagine after marriage. Right now religion doesn't bother him too much, but when YOU HAVE CHILDREN, and you want the children to go to church, and become Christians, I can almost assure you, there will be fireworks like you can't imagine.
Paul warns us not to become unequally yoked, and this is why. This young man has been deceiving you all this time. Does THAT sound like 'love?' More is afoot than you think.
2007-09-04 05:23:42 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 1⤋
The bible gives the best advice. Do not be unequally yoked with a non-believer.
I am married to an agnostic, and it is hard a lot of the time, especially when he (the man) is to be the head of the household, and being responsible for keeping his family focused on Christ (as per my belief).
2007-09-04 04:41:47 · answer #10 · answered by ♫O Praise Him♫ 5 · 6⤊ 1⤋