At what age do our children quit breaking our hearts?

Question

Lately my son has been very difficult and I have read many wonderful time out responses in my past questions but what age do they really start to not hurt you so bad. Does anyone else just go into a room at times and cry because their child has broken their heart? Is this just part of the art of parenting?

Answer 1

I don't think they ever stop breaking our hearts once they start. I think it is a process that over time will hurt worse before it hurts less. And yes...I often cry in my room at night because of some terrible thing my four year old has said to me or because my two year old prefers his father over me even though I am the one who waits on them hand and foot 24/7 literally (i'm a stay at home mom). My grandmother recently moved close to where we are living and she and my four year old have always had and unbelievably close bond, so you can only imagine how much closer they are now that they are 15 miles apart verses 400 miles apart. And my daughter will tell me...I don't love you anymore because I want to give all my love to my Mamaw...and if that doesn't break your heart, what will. Over time I figure they will continue to find newer and crueler ways of hurting us b/c that's what we did to our parents and that's what they will do to us. I guess the best way to deal with it is to not overreact in front of the child. When my daughter says awful things to me, I will say "Well, I'm sorry you feel that way because I love you very much" and then I will leave the room for a while...eventually she will come and find me and tell me that she loves me...where as when I overreacted a couple of times saying things like "why don't you love me?" and such as that, she revelled in the fact that it was bothering me and kept the act up. My son wanting his father bothered me at first, but now I use it as an oppurtunity to get things done. If he's hanging on his daddy, I can take a bath or fold clothes or read a book without being interrupted...so I guess that one's a blessing in disguise. I hope you find your own way to deal with it. God Bless

Answer 2

For 6 years you and he have been married and he wants to leave due to money problems, makes no sense to me since both of you working on this problem would be much better. He must have some idea what he wants out of this marriage or else he would not have came to this solution. Since he will have 2 of the children what will he do when he goes to school? You mention but say no cheating so that is confusing unless he doubts your love for him. Maybe he is playing head games or he may want to see how much you do love him. I feel it is much better to be together if you love each other than be apart, that isn't a good way of working on this. Do what you feel is right about filing for a divorce. Wishing you a lot of luck

Answer 3

They will always break your heart. Part of being a parent is developing a thick skin. YOU are the parent and regardless of what your child says / does, YOU are in charge and yes, you will ALWAYS love him. Sometimes our children test that unconditional love with bad behavior.

Personally, I was at my wit's end about a year ago with my son's behavior. He was acting out left and right, and no manner of discipline seemed to change him. One day, he was doing something (coloring on the wall, I think), and I scolded him sharply, and took away the crayon. He pulled this beligerent little attitude and said, "I'm not sorry." I sadly looked at him and said, "I know, but you know what? I still love you, anyway." and picked him up and hugged him. Within seconds, he was sobbing that he was sorry he'd been a bad boy, and offered to clean up his own mess! (I let him).

Sometimes, special one-on-one cuddle time is what a child really needs, but all he knows is that he wants Mommy's attention.

Answer 4

30

Answer 5

they never do actually because even when they do all the wonderful things its a sign they are independent and growing away from u.

i wonder if u would elaborate ur question because when u talk of a child hurtign u bad that sounds really serious. does he use foul language, beat u up, etc. how old is ur child.

would love to give a better answer if only more detail provided

Answer 6

Oh my dear, I feel so sorry to hear your son has hurt you. I sometimes think that our children do not mean to do this but they are just plain thought less. Whatever has hurt you would probably have meant little to him. He loves you very much I am sure - just did not realise that other people feel things differently. I do hope he comes to his senses and learns to consider the feelings of other a bit, and stops treading so heavy.

Answer 7

It appears you may be too sensitive to be a parent. Your child isn't some plaything to provide you with beaming warmth and pleasure. Raising a child can be the most wonderful thing in the world, but it's a job. Just like a job there are good days and there are bad days. The most important thing is to make your child(ren) *part* of your life, not your *entire* life. Your child is human. He makes mistakes. You make mistakes. Do what you can to raise it right, but it's not the end of the world if you aren't perfect every day.

Answer 8

Sorry, but it will continue. Sometimes more, sometimes not as much. Children are people too and therefore, they have the ability to hurt others and to love others.

Answer 9

They never stop, they will always do something that hurts you. The magic of children is that you will always love them anyway. Also, they will never stop giving you those amazingly happy moments and that makes it all worthwhile!

Answer 10

my kids have done this from the time they were little and are still doing it and they are grown. i think it never ends. love is too strong to give up ever. good luck.