Forgiveness?

Question

Why is it so hard to forgive when someone wrongs us?

The man I love recently did somethat, that equates to cheating. I've forgiven him for past offenses, but none were ever this bad. This time, I'm hurt so deeply that I am filled with depression.

If we are supposed to love and forgive, as Christ loves and forgives us, why can't I find it in me to do so?

Is there anyone who can help me with this?

Please don't be heartless with your replies. I am in deep need of assistance here.

No. He wasn't watching "dirty" videos.

We went to a wedding and he was dancing, which is fine with me, but when I looked over, he was grinding with the new bride!

Not only was that disrespectful to her new groom, but to me as well.

When we started dating, we made certain promises to each other. What he did with the bride was disgusting and horrible to witness!

Let's get this straight. I'm not judging. I'm expressing my hurt.

Whether or not there is a dance that includes grinding, he shouldn't have been doing it.

Rubbing your body against someone, especially someone who was just married five and a half hours prior, is not exactly a Christian thing to do.

I'm not judging him. I'm hurting. I haven't called him names or said he was going to hell. I've not judged him. He hurt me deeply, and broke a promist to me that he wouldn't engage in this type of behavior.

Answer 1

I am going to share my own experience with you. I find to forgive someone who hurts us so deeply is hard but be assured it can be done. I suggest first of all you must accept what has happenned because you cannot change it. its hard but try it. Accept it as it has happened and made its own history. Do not reject it because if you do it will continue to hurt you. Then talk to some people whom you trust and share how you are feeling and what you want to do...if you trust them share it openly. Do not express hatred feelings and emotions against the person who has done wrong to you because you will continue to depress yourself and it will become more difficult for you. Instead see him or her as person and give some respect. If you do need to cry then please do so openly without cursing the person or yourself for choosing that person to be your friend or lover. It is also helpful if you could meditate and pray about it.
last but not the least, try to express any emotion or feeling within you by drawing or painting something even if you are not good at these. Sit down in silence and draw or paint the thing that represents that feeling, emotion or thought. Keep every papar that you put a sign on and in order. Or take a note book and write every bit of it. Or keep a diary of your feelings and thoughts. Eg. Today i felt so angry with......I suggest you do this reularly. slowly i hope that you will see some improvement in the way you are feeling now. Do not feel discouraged and give up in doing these. Its what you do to yourself will make a difference.
Do not do or think of something negative about yourself or your partner.

Answer 2

How We Can Forgive and Forget

Be “freely forgiving one another,” urges Ephesians 4:32. According to lexicographer W. E. Vine, the Greek word rendered “freely forgiving” (kha·ri′zo·mai) means “to bestow a favour unconditionally.” When offenses committed against us are minor in nature, we may have little difficulty granting the forgiveness. Keeping in mind that we too are imperfect enables us to make allowances for the shortcomings of others. (Colossians 3:13) When we forgive, we let go of resentment, and our relationship with the offender may not suffer any lasting harm. In time, the memory of any such minor offense may well fade away.

What, though, if others sin against us in a more serious way, deeply injuring us? In extreme cases, such as incest, rape, and attempted murder, forgiveness may involve a number of issues. This would be particularly true when there is no acknowledgment of the sin, no repentance, and no apology on the part of the offender. (Proverbs 28:13) Jehovah himself does not forgive unrepentant, hardened wrongdoers. (Hebrews 6:4-6; 10:26) When a wound is deep, we may never succeed in completely putting what happened out of mind. However, we can be comforted by the assurance that in the coming new world, “the former things will not be called to mind, neither will they come up into the heart.” (Isaiah 65:17; Revelation 21:4) Whatever we remember then will not cause us the deep hurt or pain that we may now feel.

Answer 3

Who do you love more...the man you love or the Lord?
Of course, you know you are supposed to love the Lord with all your heart and mind and soul to such an extent that the love towards others may appear as hate! Wow! I know for me that's hard. But I know it is what we must strive to do...it takes a daily walk everyday...it takes a concious effort to trust the Lord in your life, expect results, and thank Him. When you can come close to a relationship like this, then you can pray to the Lord for the man He is already preparing for you. Could it be the one you claim to love, or someone else? Are you trying to put your own feelings ahead of all else? Have you ever considered that the Lord is protecting you from the man you claim to love by putting these - apparently repetitive - signs in front of you? If he is willing to commit these wrongful acts now, what makes you think the habit will stop once your married...or when the times get even more stressful with little children wanting their so-called Dad? Your answer does not begin at Yahoo! Answers; rather, it begins in prayer to the Lord.

Answer 4

First off, you are a very strong person to have done it one time. Pray as hard as you can, and rebound (1John 1:9) whatever feelings you are having and just try real hard to pray and wait on his delivering you from this situation. He will do it, not in a way maybe that you think but in a way that will ultimately be best for you! I'm praying for you also! Keep walking in a Christ-like manner and keep rebounding even if it means 100 times a day and just trust that he'll get you through the other side and you will be so blessed at the end of it! God Bless you, and keep your tender heart above water!

Edit: Does not equate to cheating (grinding with the bride)
It warrants a conversation about respect but it does not equate to cheating.... where my answer was for that which did.

Answer 5

Dear Sister,

Take heart. Forgiveness is not immediate, it is a choice, not to hold somebodys wrong against them.

Let us look at the scriptures for help:

Ephesians 4:30And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, with whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. 31Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. 32Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.

Hebrews 12:15
See to it that no one misses the grace of God and that no bitter root grows up to cause trouble and defile many.

Forgiveness is a process, and we all go through that process. You get angry, you become upset, and then you feel upset. If you hang onto these things, they in turn can cause you to feel bitter, and it is only you that it hurts. Let us also remember that forgiveness is such a hallmark of who our heavenly father is

In the first scripture we can see how unforgiveness affects us, it actually grieves the spirit that God places within us. We can also see some of the other emotions that unfogiveness leads to, think of how spiritually damaging it is! "rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice"

Forgiveing somebody does not mean that we have to be a doormat. I do not know what you individual situation is, but it will take time, and prayer before you begin to feel better. But it starts with a choice to forgive, a choice that Jesus can help you to make. When you have forgiven you then need to decide what to do about the relationship, this choice can only be yours, but i would suggest prayerful contemplation before you make any sudden decisions. I will pray for you sister, God Bless you

Answer 6

Sometimes in order to forgive someone that repeatedly offends you need to seperate yourself from the source ot the pain first. If the guy loved you he would not be cheating or in need of forgiveness again and again. There is a huge difference betweet forgiveness and setting yourself up to be a doormat. You need to evaluate in yourself why you allow him to cause you pain and do something about it. Just remember though, when someone cheats, especially more than once, they will very likely cheat again, and again. It's up to you, do you enjoy the pain? If not, get out. You can forgive the guy but that doesn't mean you have to stay with him.

Answer 7

It's hard to forgive because unlike Jesus, ( who was perfect)
we are flawed. Flawed by original sin and therefore we make bad choices. Like the one you love and his fleshly desires. Remember what Paul said.
The battle we have is with the flesh. We are taught all thru the bible to seek a spiritual peace with God and do His will. After all God created us and therefore ( if you will ) own es us because His son Jesus paid the price for us and our sins. How hard do you think it would be for Jesus to forgive such a terrible and evil person as Hitler?
You can forgive, but not forget. Forgive him....then get rid of him and find a man that will cherish you and love you for who you are. You need a change. This man does not respect your feelings if he continues to do things like this to you. Move on and be happy.

Answer 8

Been there sweetie. I'm sorry, it sucks. Betrayal from one you love and trust is one of the worst things you will ever have to get over. For me, I forgave many times - and still love the guy, but I no longer trust him or am married to him. I had to decide it was healthier for me and my kids to cut him loose. We are all doing better now. I think my ex said it best, when he asked me once...."Jesus said to turn the other cheek, but what about after that? How many times do you keep turning a cheek before self-preservation kicks in?" You can still forgive without continuing to set yourself up for more, future hurt. G'luck.

Answer 9

My best friend and I had a long conversation this past week end about forgiveness. Our situations are not the same as yours but both of us agreed that there are just certain things that you can not forgive. Time does not heal all wounds, especially when they effect your daily life. Don't beat yourself up about not being able to forgive him. You have already done enough forgiving in the past and still are getting hurt. Find someone who is worthy of your love.

Answer 10

Yes there is help, if you simply cannot forgive in yourself.

Years ago I found myself in a situation like yours, only worse. I came to the Lord in Prayer one day knowing that I should forgive.

I broke down and cried out to God that it was impossible for me to do this on my own. I told him that I was willing to be willing but it just was not there. I asked Him to make up the lack in me with supernatural forgiveness and He did. It took a few days, and i have had to live it out, and occasionally put it back on the "you owe me nothing" shelf but God's nature is Love and When asked He must forgive.

We are never more like Jesus than when we forgive.