My friend from HS (known 9 yrs) Called me last yr and we started to talk more, and on a more romantic basis (saw him over the holidays, kissed him). He is a marine and has since been deployed to Iraq. I sent him letters while he was there, and he called me about once a week. We became more romantically linked while he was there. He told me over the phone 2 months ago that he loved me. The problem is he still loves his other friend Ash (but still wants to be with me.) He has become very confusing on this matter, one time calling me his gf, then saying he wanted no relationship with anyone, and back to wanting to give us a try. Ash is still posting all over his Myspace that she "misses her USMC, Someone in Iraq loves me" and he isn't taking it down. She is still his #1. I am going to see him when he comes home (FRI). I don't want to stress him, but if he wants to be with me, shouldn't he address the issue of her? I am afraid he will say "you don't trust me" This is killing me.
2007-09-04 03:33:47 · 26 answers · asked by libretti_mynx07 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
If that is how you feel, then tell him! Don't feel stressed that about what he may say, all you can worry about is expressing yourself honestly!
2007-09-04 03:36:49 · answer #1 · answered by Steph 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You are in a tough one! It is hard on him I am sure since he is over seas! I know he wants to feel close to as many people as possible! Since he has a girlfriend already do you maybe just want to back off and see how he acts?
I mean are you ready to be in a relationship where he could possibly get hurt, or even possibly get killed! Are you mentally ready? If you have to ask a question right now, how will you react when someone tells you he gets hurt?
Trust me I know this is hard, but why make it harder for youself! I can tell you care about this person! Just dont put your self into a situation you will regret later!
2007-09-04 03:40:21 · answer #2 · answered by shannonforpeace 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know this is difficult- but my best advice is to move on
maybe keep the door open for when he can be 100%
available to you- but you DESERVE much better than this
I dated a man for years that was in the naval academy-
he could never phone me, and all I got was his letters, it
was just like being alone- except worse because I put
my life on hold for him.
Dont do the same- you will regret it! TRUST ME-
go on with your life- if you feel strong enough to stay
friends, do so, but that is hard- I recommend a clean
break for now, until he can give you 100%
and, he will respect you and want you more because
you are standing up for yourself!!!!!!!!
2007-09-04 03:42:12 · answer #3 · answered by Laura G 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He may or may not be confused. The real question is are you? If you have been totally open and honest with him about how you feel about him and you have expressed that you want to be the one and only lady in his life, then he knows how you feel. If he is undecided about how he feels about you and what he wants his level of commitment to be to you then you must protect yourself by protecting you heart. However, if he has clearly expressed to you that he has feelings for someone else, then he will not totally commit to you. If you make him decided be prepared for the outcome, it may not be you. Wait for him to get back from Iraq; but in the meantime, live life and have fun. Stay healthy.
2007-09-04 03:53:27 · answer #4 · answered by Queen-T 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
As a military guy, this is how I feel. You should break it off with him, I know you do not want to hear this but here it goes. He is like most guys when they are overseas or away from friends and family. All he wanted was to feel connected to something back home and that someone would care that he is gone. He is probably telling this other girl he loves her to and wants to be with her. I am sorry, but he sounds like a player and should not be trusted.
2007-09-04 03:44:35 · answer #5 · answered by greatcruisenight 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to tell him how you feel and then back away. You don't want to pressure him. Men cannot handle pressure - they will retreat completely. He will respect you & give you more consideration if you kind of back off a little bit. Plus, you want to make sure he chooses you because he likes you better - not because he felt pressured to make a decision - that could lead to him sneaking around with her. Don't you want someone who has made a clear decision about being with you rather than someone who felt pressured into it? Trust me, it will work - then if he doesn't choose you, atleast you won't wind up being with someone that isn't totally into you - You deserve someone who will treat & love you like the queen that you are!!!Good luck!
** and hey - sounds like "Lisa R" up there is really Ashley!!
what a *****!
2007-09-04 03:42:01 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Instead of someone else deciding your future, you should take control. He probably is confused, however, he's being unfair to you. You should ask him straight out what he wants/who he wants, after all, he needs to make a decision. Sounds to me like two women are hanging in balance and someone needs to make a decision. He'll respect you more for wanting clarity than if you wait around for him to make a decison. And who knows when that will be? If he really loves you as he says he does, asking him to make a decision will not affect your relationship with him. If he doesn't love you and it ruins what you have, don't you think you should know now?
2007-09-04 03:41:41 · answer #7 · answered by Lori E 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you haven't seen him or spoken with him in a while, he might still be thinking of you and not sure whats going on because he is not even in the USA to say. But talk with him and try not to be pushy, but if he makes any remarks like i'm not sure yet what i want then you gotta move on because obvously he isn't really really into you like he should be if you want a relationship. You gotta be #1. Make it easier for him and you and leave if he's so confused.
2007-09-04 03:41:48 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ask him about Ash because maybe she doesn't get the hint. If he's leading you on like that, there shouldn't be another girl in the picture. Don't bring it up immidiatly when he comes home, but that night say something like "So what's going on with Ash?" and see what he says. If he says something like "Yeah, I know, I have to tell her to cool it" or anything along those lines, you have nothing to worry about. But if he says "What about her?" and you explain it, and he still doesn't get the hint. Then I would tell him exactly what's going threw your head.
2007-09-04 03:39:12 · answer #9 · answered by allis0nx3babyy 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well if he really wants to be with you then yes, he should tell her that and definetly get things straightened out. If he does not, than i wouldnt want to be with him even though you care about him because of the trust issue. Give him a chance to get things fixed up and if he doesnt than just be friends with him until you feel he has things under control.
2007-09-04 03:39:20 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you've never bothered to serve in a forward deployment combat position you have no idea of how hard it is to make a commitment (that failed to exist prior to deployment) while deployed.
Do this. See him alone. He has to be alone and you have to be by yourself. Walk up to him and stand face to face right in front of him. Look him in the eyes and say exactly this.
"I want a commitment from you. You have to be totally committed to only me. If you can't or won't do that just tell me now."
Then shut up and wait for his answer.
2007-09-04 03:38:25 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋