My friend a bad mom? what should i say and do?

Question

I have been friends with a this girl, Ashley my whole life, and she has always had mental disorders like depression and anxiety. When we were 18 and 19 we got pregnant at the same time and had our kids a couple months apart. Im doing great yet she seems to not be because she goes out every night and never pays attention to her kid, and now her daughter cant talk, doesnt understand anything and is 2 1/2 yrs old! DCF has came and said everythings alright but i just dont think it is! what should i say? I dont feel right callin DCF because she just doesnt think anythings wrong at all!

Answer 1

First, dont judge. a few anwers sound VERY judgemental and they obviously dont know how to walk in someone else's shoes.
Second, do you know if she is in counseling for her mood disorder? If not, she should be. Its hard enough for any of us to do this job (being a mom), but ad a brain disorder into the mix, and its way harder!! If she's your friend, then you should be able to talk about this with her, perhaps more easily than about her parenting.
Third, I think the play date idea is great. Some of us had terrible role models ourselves, and dont even know HOW to be a decent mom. But we can always LEARN if someone is gentle and kind enough to come along side of us. Dont TRY to teach her - but hope that she can pick up a few things when she's with you.
4. her child may have biological issues. so agian, dont judge too quickly.

in the end, if SHE has a true mood disorder, then theres not much you can do to help unless she is willing to get professional help. I have 2 very close friends who are clinically depressed. One is only mildly so, and is a fabulous mom. But it was SUPER hard for her at first, to overcome her post-pardom depression. The other is on a perscription that really helps!!

Finally, she got pregnant at 18 ... no offence, but you were both just children yourselves when you got pregnant. She may be resenting having to grow up so fast. BUT the fact is, that if she neglects her child, THAT child will suffer - not only now, but developmentally because the patterns set in our brains in the first 3-5 years of life, are pretty hard wired. They are what we use to view the world for the rest of our lives. So, as her friend, and for the sake of her child, DO do SOMETHING. Just do it as a friend, not a judge!

Answer 2

I'm assuming that you would like to remain friends with Ashley? If so, you need to tread very carefully. She may not be the best mom in the world, but there are certainly worse mothers out there. Her daughter needs a good role model. Saying something to Ashley that causes a rift in your relationship may take her daughter's only role model (YOU) away. You can help that little girl alot more by remaining in Ash's life.

You have an advantage -- you have a kid the same age! This allows you to say things like "I just read about preventing children's diabetes" or "Have you taken your daughter for allergy tests yet? I was thinking about taking my kid." This allows you to open up some conversations without Ashley feeling like her parenting skills are being attacked.

Not everyone has that maternal instinct that everyone thinks comes naturally once you reach a certain age, or have kids. It's possible Ashley feels overwhelmed and doesn't know what she's gotten herself into. Your her friend -- be there for both her and her daughter.

The good news is that even people with screwed up parents turn out to be fine upstanding citizens.

Answer 3

no you shouldent do that why dont you try helping the little girl
thats a way to go about it people with mentil dissabultys sometimes dont quite get the mothering thing if she is depressed then HELP her that will help her and the child but help the little girl try to speek spend time with her take the mother to the psycholgest that makes more sence then calling dcf on her just because you think shes a bad mom she has problems mential problems takeing the little girl away from her isint goning to do any justice she might end up killing her self help her in other ways besides take the kid away if you say youve been friends with her all your life THEN HELP HER DONT MAKE THINGS WORSE ON HER .....!would you want someone calling them on you if they say you dont spend enugh time with your child help youre friend out if you have to watch the little girl why she gos out help her speek teach her if you love the little girl then help her learn the mother will wake up one day and make her disition too stop partying and be a mom sorry for bening so hummm.. up front but i do not belive in calling dcf just because you think shes a bad mom no mother is perfict no one is perfict we all have our flaws

Answer 4

i know how u feel my youngest sister is like that,,but on the inside she is a very loving mom,,,she justs really needs to get her priorities straight,,,,But as far as the speech she may have a sensory disorder,,,my daughter will be 3 and has a speech problem due to a sensory disorder,,maybe you could suggest having the kids speech checked out by the county special education program in the area.

Dont put the child down tho,,,help the child baby sitting for your friend to see how the child acts when mommy is not around,,,,,best of luck,,,childern are so awesome,,they are blessings!!

Answer 5

I would call DCF and have them investigate again. The child's welfare is more important and if the mom doesn't realize that, someone else needs to step in and make sure this little girl is getting the care that she deserves.

Answer 6

girl if she is your friend and you want to keep it that way, don't do anything. as long as she isn't abusing or neglecting the baby in any way, what can you really do? sure she sounds like a bad mom. but as far as the not talking thing--that has nothing to do with her mom ignoring her. she'd still pick up language. I'd suggest telling her to bring her child to an early intervention program. she might have autism or asperger's or one of those neurological dysfunctions and might need treatment. as for the rest--you can't MAKE her be a good mother, and trying just might cost you the friendship, so think hard about it before saying anything else. anyway, what else can you do? if family services was already called and blew it off...I don't know whay you really could do anyway. make an anonymous call, I guess. good luck.

Answer 7

She should not be going out every night. But if her child is in bed for the night then a couple times is ok to me. As far as the child talking. Children progress at different levels. I think it is too early to say her daughter has a problem. Your concern is valid though. Have you sat down and talked to your friend about your true concerns? Talk to her mother too.

Answer 8

Find some parenting classes and suggest that she goes and maybe you can go as support. When she wants to go out with you maybe you can suggest doing things at home with the kids or maybe just suggest those things anyway. Send her articles and books to read that have things about her parenting that you are concerned with. You shouldn't try to get her kid taken away from her though. Remember you said that you were friends.

Answer 9

There's really not a lot you can do if you don't agree with her parenting style. All I can think is maybe try to spend as much time together with both of your kids as you can, so she can maybe see how you treat your baby and use you as an example of what to do. Just don't call her out on her behavior, or you will ruin your friendship.

Answer 10

aw. i think you should definetly confront her and tell her that if she needs help in raising her baby, you'll be there for her. that might put her at ease a little more. if she doesn't take the baby into your care sometimes when the mother goes out, so she knows what a mother figure is like while growing up. but still confront her and let her know what can happen to her child in the long-run.