My husband and I were married a year ago. Things have been up and down in our first year of marriage but together we have worked hard to make things better. In mid-July, my husband's cousin called me to ask me if she could come live with us b/c she was in a bad relationship and she was trying to start a better life. She lived in GA and we are in NC. She put me on the spot so immediately I said yes feeling like I didn't want to be the "bad guy". She moved in. She's 19 years old with no work experience and finding a job has been difficult for her. She stays online 24/7 meeting people from our area on myspace etc. She eats our food, uses our electricity etc. but has no way to pay for anything. I have talked to my husband about it but he says that family is important and we need to stick by her but I get the feeling that she is going to take advantage of the situation. Ultimately it is my fault for saying yes, but what do I do now? I don't want my husbands cousin to come b/w our marriage.
2007-09-04 02:21:13 · 5 answers · asked by *~Cam's Mommy ~* 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Give her some time limits. Tell her she has 6 weeks to find a job and start helping with the bills and grocries. After that time, see where it goes from there. IF she stillisn't employed, send her to live with other relatives who will support her freeloading lifestyle. She's not your child andnot your responsibility to support, If she doesn't want to get off the internet, change the password and don't give her the new one. Maybe she will start to get the message. If may be rough on you and your husband right now, but you will be more thankful in the long run.
2007-09-04 02:31:35 · answer #1 · answered by ♥STREAKER♥©℗† 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You should sit down with your husband and say "Ok, I don't have a problem with her living here but we have to set up some rules." and both of you discuss what those rules should be. I'm feeling that as soon as you present these rules to her she will be finding someone new to freeload off of. Some rules you might consider is
-have a certain amount of time each week that she dedicates to looking for a job. For someone with little job skills the Unemployment office in your area might be a great place for her to start. They can find a job for her, provide job training, etc. Take her there yourself if you have to.
-limit the amount of time she can spend on the computer each day.
-If she is going to eat your food tell her she will have to do her part by contributing to the household. Have her fix dinner each night for the family. At least this would be a way for her to pay you for providing it.
Don't we all wish we could live with stand-in parents (you and your husband) and do anything we want to do and have no responsibility? I fully believe in supporting family when they are having a hard time..but guess what...she's not having a hard time...she's got it made! And she knows it.
2007-09-04 02:51:23 · answer #2 · answered by ☼♫Hmm..Interesting♪☼ 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You may just have to explain that unless she gets a job and starts helping with the bills, she will have to find another place to live. I know that it is hard, but your relationship with your husband has to come first. Give her a time limit - say she needs to have a job within 2 weeks or she needs to move back to her parents house. She can get a job at McDonald's or something to help out until she figures out what she wants to do. Is she in college? If not, she should look into that. There are loans she can get to pay for it and her living expenses. Good Luck!
2007-09-04 02:34:34 · answer #3 · answered by tlk0408 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She is already taking advantage of you mainly because you did not have some rules in place from the beginning.
With many young people this age coming in and out of my house I have developed a system that promotes work ethic. First priority is school, then work. If they don't go to school or have a jobthen they do the housework--all of it! If the people who are working are supporting them then it is the least they can do.
This works great because the best way to not have to do housework is to get a job!
Now you are the alpha female in the household so put your foot down, set up some rules and stick by them. However do NOT give any ultimatums that will cause more problems.
2007-09-04 02:32:07 · answer #4 · answered by Rebecca W 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
check this link its good
http://workathomedatentryworks.blogspot.com/
.
2007-09-06 00:54:48 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋