I have a 7 mos old baby girl. Me and her father split when she was born. I allow him to see her anytime he wants to. I do not have an order for child support and he has only done limited things for her. Since she been born he has only seen her 41 times out of 212 days. His mother wants her to come to her house and visit. I tell her no I don't feel comfortable letting her go over her house. Because of certain things that have happen there. I do not stop her or her father from coming over and seeing her. I also offered to drop my child off at her great grandmothers house(father's grandma) so they can spend time with her. They say if I don't feel comfortable leaving her at their house then they won't see her. I am trying to compromise by letting them see her and even offering another safe haven without me by letting her go to her great grandma's house so they can spend time with her. They say I am being a *****, But I am trying to let them see her. She doesn't really know them. Am I fair?
2007-09-04 01:36:32 · 19 answers · asked by Aryelle's Mommy 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Yea it is true the father does has rights. But in the state of Florida if we were not married and he doesn't have a court order I have the right to decide and restrict his visitation. I mean I let him see her. But he may only show up once every 3 weeks or once a month. I even wrote down everything he has done for her and the list is not very long. I am not going to force him to take care of her. His mother made the decision that if she can't come over her house she won't see her. I even said hey if you want to take her to church or out when you go out to eat with friends you can I just don't feel comfortable leaving her at her house. I said I will never stop her or her son (even though my daughter barely knows him and cries everytime he looks at or tries to touch her) from seeing them. Because thats her family. Their not going to go to court and he said out of his mind well F it she just won't know me then! I tried to compromise but at the end of day I feel like I am right, Am I?
2007-09-05 00:10:35 · update #1
NO ONE can be ur guide other than God... that little voice we call mother's intuition is guidance sent from heaven... LISTEN TO IT & STAND UR GROUND!
u r that child's mama, as long as u have those feelings believe them and stick to them... u r her guardian, her world, her protector and her provider... don't worry about her father... they don't want to go by ur rules... then tough... rite now all of ur decisions r meant to keep her safe and happy, and if they don't like it then u r better off without them... it seems u have given them all the opportunities to be in her life, it's their loss... not hers or urs... it is ur given rite to protect ur baby, u r doing the rite thing... God will take care of the rest... and the next time they want to call u a *****, just think of this...
BITCHOLOGY
When I stand up for myself and my beliefs, they call me a *****.
When I stand up for those I love, they call me a *****.
When I speak my mind, think my own thoughts or do things my own way, they call me a *****.
Being a ***** means I won't compromise what's in my heart! It means I live my life MY way. It means I won't allow anyone to step on me. When I refuse to tolerate injustice and speak against it, I am defined as a *****.
The same thing happens when I take time for myself instead of being everyone's maid, or when I act a little selfish. It means I have the courage and strength to allow myself to be who I truly am and won't become anyone else's idea of what they think I "should" be.
I am outspoken, opinionated and determined I want what I want and there is nothing wrong with that!
So try to stomp on me, try to douse my inner flame, try to squash every ounce of beauty I hold within me. You won't succeed.
And if that makes me a *****, so be it.
I embrace the title and am proud to bear it.
B - Babe
I - In
T - Total
C - Control of
H - Herself
B = Beautiful
I = Individual
T = That
C = Can
H = Handle anything
when God take u to it, He will see u thru it... have faith that He will provide all ur needs.
GOD BLESS U N UR BABY!!!
2007-09-11 17:13:47 · answer #1 · answered by Ivy 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
She should be paying child support. That is absolutely ridiculous! It shows what type of person she is....for one walking out on them and two not helping financially. If they were my kids, I would have custody, and for some odd reason I didn't...I would atleast agree to buy them groceries, and clothing, and help with doctor bills...but that is just me...I would fight to have custody. My friend just went through a divorce...he ex husband is paying 850 a month for a 9 year old and a 3 year old. I would get a lawyer. It doesn't matter what parent is raising the kids...the other one should be contributing financially also. My uncle had six daughters. ...his wife cheated on him and left him to raise the 6 girls. He didn't get any child support...and when he retired, she got a portion of his retirement. That was 20 something years ago...but absolutely crazy. Fight for the child support...it is unfair for you to do this on your own.
2016-05-21 00:49:10 · answer #2 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This isn't about what's fair for them, but what is safe for your baby. Tell them that the door is open and they are welcome to see the baby. If they can show up and be respectful towards you, so be it. If not, it's their loss. Ignore them and don't go out of your way to make special provisions just because they can't provide a safe and proper environment for their grandchild. Move on with your life-you have a child to raise.
PS/Keep a journal on the father's behavior towards the baby, such a how often he visit's and also on incidents at the grandparent's house that make you uncomfortable. If he ever decides he wants to have custody and lives with the parents, your baby could end up going there anyway.
2007-09-04 01:58:51 · answer #3 · answered by Dee 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you ARE being fair!I also think it is very important that a child have both parents in his/her life when possible! If the father says "f*** it then, she will never know me", then sounds like he really doesn't care either way!If he really loved this baby, then he would see her when he could and where he could!And if he really loved her and thought that the enviroment at his mothers home was safe for the baby, then he should go to court for the baby and prove it!!Evidently he don't care.I would keep doing what you are doing, and giving him a chance to see the baby, wether he does or not, that will be his choice!When the baby grows up...she will know who was in the right and who was in the wrong!
2007-09-11 02:27:12 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
You are protecting your child, there is no wrong in there. you are not depriving the father his rights because you are saying he can see her, just not at his moms house. If he won't see her, then go for child support since he won't be there for her at all. He's being selfish and immature, if it's dangerous for your child, don't do it.
Just make sure you have a witness with you when he does see her, that way he can't say you deprive him of visitation. And if he leaves you messages or writes you letters, save ALL of them. that way they can't try to file for custody saying you don't let him see her and you're mean and such. The mean messages(like them calling you a Bish) will go against them. record all conversations, and let him know it's being recorded too.
I hope this helps and Good Luck!
2007-09-11 10:58:35 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I dont see a damn thing you might be doing wrong, yes the father has rights as well as the grandparents, and it sounds like your giving them plenty, considering what little they have done for that child. If they cant see your doing whats best for this girl, then screw them. Because you want to know your daughter is somewhere safe and you have good reason for wanting that, then dont worry what they say. Protect your daughter. If they truly cared and it meant so much to see her then GG moms shouldnt be a problem for them. Your giving them alot of compromise here, Dont let it phase you what names they want to call you, do what is best for your daughter!
2007-09-11 10:45:49 · answer #6 · answered by rainydaze 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You're her mom, use your instinct. It's obvious that something has happened there to make you feel uncomfortable. When it comes to your baby's safety and yours dont be swayed by emotional blackmail. If they want to see her then yes you are taking care of her 24hrs a day 7 days a week. Feeds, nappies, crying, bumps, worries. If they are so concerned then where is the real support. If they're that childish they deserve each other. You do what you feel comfortable and safe and in her best interests. You're being called a ***** because you're not giving them exactly what they want. Doing their best to make you feel guilty. You are her best friend, good on you. Take care.
2007-09-11 03:51:44 · answer #7 · answered by Rick L 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Been there done that.... 3 kids/2 fathers. oldest daughter's father was told that he was welcome in her life as long as he had her best interest at heart. he stayed away for 7 years, but came back whole and ready to parent. i didn't allow him to run in and out of her life wreaking emotional havoc. for my younger 2, i allowed their father to spend time with them regardless of the amount of financial support he provided (although I do have a child support order). he eventually drifted away and now tries to pop in and out, but they are older and have made the decision that they don't want a relationship with him.
if the child will not be in danger at the grandmother's house or with the father, let him have visitation supervised by a neutral person until you feel more comfortable.
get a written custody order though. you don't want him to play around for years and then decide he wants to "play daddy" down the road.
2007-09-10 14:26:15 · answer #8 · answered by QueenBeeFee 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You have been more than accomodating, you have merely said that grandma's house is off limits. If they say, oh well if she can't come to one place out of all the other places you are alloing her to go, well then, their true purpose is not to bond with that child. If he can say, "%#@# it, I just won't see her" , there is nothing more you need to do to ASSIST him in being a father to his child. Does anyoine have to tell you how to bond with your baby? Well, then noone has to tell him. And his family must not be too different because they are also agreeing with his behavior and calling you B's. Leave them alone. It sounds like she has all the love she needs where she is. Blessings...........
2007-09-11 14:34:30 · answer #9 · answered by jmizzle 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
WHY ARE YOU UNCOMFORTABLE WITH LETTING HER GO TO GRANDMA'S HOUSE? If you have no good reason then my answer would be differant, but as it stands without knowing all the facts I will answer. First off, the grandparents had nothing to do with whatever happened between you too. I understand irresponsible "Daddys", as my son is one. As for your arrangements of letting them see her, I would be grateful for the cnace to spend time with my granddaughter, as it is I only get to talk to her 30 mins. on sunday's. Let it be known, that the only thing I am guilty of is loving my granddaughter and her mother unconditionally, But my grand daughter and I have had to pay the Hugh price for the both of them. Second, if they do go to court, you will not be able to dictate the visitation, regardless of lack of child support etc...for your ex, but in Florida grandparents have no rights, if they ever bring back that law, I will be the first in line to fight for my rights as a grandparents. Time will tell what your child thinks of your actions, the more brighter note is I hope all grandparents get the message that if your daughter is not the one pregnant, then do not get to close, as the min, the relationship chages, then you are the victum and pays the price.
2007-09-09 01:58:46 · answer #10 · answered by culater 3 · 0⤊ 3⤋