My boyfriend and I have been together for 6 years. Living together for 3 of them. He says he wants to get married one minute and not the next. I really want to marry him so much, but I don't want to come across as being desperate or needy.
2007-09-03 21:34:27 · 32 answers · asked by erika h 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
i dont understand the whole thing these days when people say if you live together you wont get married as he already has what he wants, my mans friend was engaged for 10 years, living together all that time, got married last month and are very happy together, its all about timing and when its right for BOTH of you.
im kind of in the same boat as you, been together 4 years, lived together for three, i sat him down and talked about what was on my mind, it suprised me, he was honest with me, i was honest with him, now we both know what each other wants (he wants to wait until we are secure with money etc, i agree,he has been thinking about it a lot lately,me too, we both know it will happen, neither of us know when yet) etc.
when the times right you will both know, isnt it better to marry the guy of your dreams when you know he asked you because he loves you rather than (kind of) force him to make the decision? personally i would rather have the suprise of him proposing when i dont know its going to happen.
2007-09-04 00:07:27 · answer #1 · answered by caggyconyak 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Saying directly how you wish to spend the rest of yoru life is neither desperate nor needy. I wouldn't settle for being a live in, and I have made that clear that I was only in the relationship for a lifelong committment right from the start. If he isn't into it also, you know he isn't the right guy for you.
Why would you live with someone as his wife if you would only be content with being actually married? This man has no reason to marry you, as he is already enjoying all of the perks with none of the actual committment. I'm not against people living together, as long as they are on mutually agreed upon terms--which you are not.
You need to tell this man, I want to get married. We've been together 6 years, and either you do or do not want to marry me. I'll stick around for another 6 months while you figure it out, but after that time, if you're not ready to marry me, I've got to move on...and DO IT.
2007-09-04 02:53:09 · answer #2 · answered by melouofs 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
meloufs and lydia are speaking firmly and sternly to you. you and every other girl who writes this same question. there is one of these almost every day. if living together and by doing that giving a man your commitment and not even talking about getting his was such a great idea then why do all these sad women write yahoo years later desperately wondering how to undo this? how can they be a bride years after they stupidly agreed to be a wife without any wedding???
in olden days, like a couple years ago, it was not acceptable for people to live together without marriage. it makes me sad that you cant speak clearly about marriage with your guy but yet you have this upside down reality because you are living like !!!! you are married,
i also dont have any problem with that as long as the rules are in place when you cohabitate, you didnt do that so you gave away your bargaining power, and your self respect, because you say you want marriage but your actions!!!! say you will settle for a crumb. you are committed he is not.
and all that advice that says, just give him another year, 6 months, ect ect, long engagement. that is just complete nonsense!!!! you dont have any more time to give to this!!!
sit him down and say i love you and i need to be married and if you love me as i love you you would want me to be happy. i would like to set a wedding date within the next ---months.
if he does not come back with a ring and an agreed on wedding date in say, a week, ( not a year!!!!!) that is your answer. you played your card and now you know he does not want to marry you. next, you stop seeing him and move out immediately, because your pride and dignity ( the part of a woman that men respect that is completely missing from your story!!!!!) have been insulted by him, that !!! is how it works, dear.
you cant live and help support someone like a wife and be afraid to claim your right to be a wife, now claim your right to be treated like someone who is cherished. or, you will be writing this same question every year.
here is a book. " why men marry some women and not others." by john molloy. read it.
2007-09-04 04:29:33 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
You and your boyfriend have been together long enough, don't you think?
What's the hold-up?
Is he afraid of a long-term commitment or something?
Why can't he make his mind up, grow some balls and propose to you?
Is he a player?
Can you trust him 100%?
Do you think he might be cheating on you or capable of doing it?
Does he love you?
Do you love him?
Do you have major arguments, fights or unresolved relationship issues on a regular basis?
If you do, do you think you will be able to resolve those differences eventually?
I would sit down with him and have a long conversation about your future and where your relationship is going.
I bet all your friends and relatives are asking you "When am I gonna hear wedding bells?", am I right?
And I bet you're feeling slightly embarrassed & confused, maybe even resentful, angry & impatient, that your long-term boyfriend hasn't made an honest woman out of you yet, am I right?
Do not despair!
I'm sure things will get better soon, you'll see!
Good luck to you and your boyfriend!
2007-09-03 21:46:47 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 1⤋
You're not coming off as desperate, you just want to know that you're not wasting your time. If you've been living together for 6 years, then chances are that your next logical step is marriage. If that's not where you both are headed, then it's time to cut bait and make tracks. Dont waste anymore time on the road together if you arent going to end up at the same destination.
You dont have to get married immediately, you just need a commitment, there's nothing wrong in looking for one.
2007-09-03 21:39:57 · answer #5 · answered by Black&Orange 4 · 4⤊ 2⤋
Sorry, but it's usually after a few years of dating that a couple who is serious decides to get married or not. By you shacking up with him, he doesn't want to or need to get married - you're giving him all that he needs without getting married. One option would be for you to move out on your own and regain your independence, keep dating him and see what happens.
Alternatively, were I in your shoes and wanted marriage, he is not the guy for you; you two are not a match. Anything over three years of dating should be a huge red flag.
2007-09-04 00:56:24 · answer #6 · answered by Lydia 7 · 2⤊ 2⤋
Tell him that u need to know where he stands about getting married. Tell him u dont want to marry straight away and want to enjoy a long engagement because being engaged makes u horny so u will want more sex and in no time at all, u will have a ring on your finger.
Be engaged as long as u want but if u want to get married pretty soon then he has no excuses coz u already have the ring.
I know it sounds cunning but if we were to wait for a man to make the major decisions then we would be waiting forever.
Good luck but sex gets u everywhere lol.
2007-09-03 21:42:42 · answer #7 · answered by stacey f 2 · 1⤊ 2⤋
It sounds like to me you should take control. Tell him how you feel and Ask him to marry you! Tell him you are willing to give him a reasonable amount of time to think about it if he needs to. Let him know that you know hes the one for you and you want to make your commitment to him official. If you guys are already living like a married couple why not make it official, right! I say go for it! You guys have been together along time. You have already shown you are in it for the long haul. If he still doesn't know what he wants after you ask him then it might be time to move on. Either way I wish you luck! God Bless!
2007-09-03 21:48:08 · answer #8 · answered by KatyCat 3 · 1⤊ 2⤋
Well, that's a tough one. You are really in a bind. You've made him comfortable and now he has no reason to ask. You have to really decide if you want to continue dating after so long. If you want to get married. This one might be getting in the way of you finding your husband. If you know what I mean. If you can't bare the thought of ever parting from this guy then continue with the status quo and enjoy what you have. Don't push for marriage with him. That is the guy's job to ask.
Don't cohabitate with the next one if it doesn't work out.
2007-09-03 21:41:59 · answer #9 · answered by 354gr 6 · 1⤊ 2⤋
Marriage isn't something you can push your partner into. Theres no point in getting married, then get divorsed the following year. After 6 years your partner should know what he wants, it doesn't sound promising that he keeps changing his mind. Its time for some serious discusions with him hun.
2007-09-04 00:28:09 · answer #10 · answered by sparkle 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋