My daughter's father?

Question

MY daughter is going to be 13. Her father just married his long time g/f of 11 years. She use to treat my daughter really well but ever since she married my daughter's father she has been nothing but mean to my daughter and talking alot of crap about me to my daughter. My daughter doesn't want to see her father's wife only her dad but he says that my daughter has to see his wife to see him. Also he stated that if my daugher wants to see him she has to call him. I think this is so crappy on his part.

I am so pist but then again I'm glad because he is such a jerk. I want to do the best for my daughter and I don't want her to hurt because of this. Any suggestions??

I have told him what she was doing and he doesn't care. He says it isn't true.

Everytime my daughter trys to talk to him and let out her feeling he makes jokes. He does this all the time with her and me.

He refuses to see our daughter alone without his wife. He is not caring about her feelings at all. He says if she won't see his wife she doesn't see him

Answer 1

For starters, be there for your daughter, support her, give her a shoulder to cry on, remind her everyday how much you love her.... but you have got to let her see for herself what type of man her father really is. There is nothing you can do to stop it, but you can help her through it so she can be stronger in the end.

Remind her that her dad does love her and that you don't know why he's acting this way. Say nothing bad about her dad. With kids anything you say, even when they are mad, could end up being twisted around and used against you. So nothing bad about him, nothing bad about the wife. Just be her mom and be there for her. It's all you can really do.

Answer 2

This is so hard on all of you. If he is paying child support , he has a right to see her.Whether the new wife wants it or not. She just feels since they are together she has better control. Usu sally jealous of the daughter. The daughter is getting older and can say if she wants to go there. He needs to spend time with her. They have to try and get along for the father's sake. Let your daughter call him and see if they do some thing and include the wife. She just wants to make sure .she is included. Wish her Luck Pem

Answer 3

True he is being a jerk but don't deprive your daughter from a relationship with her father. She needs to try to get along with her step mom for every ones sake, but the step mom needs boundaries. She should not under any circumstances be allowed to say anything negative about you to your daughter or mistreat her. I think you need to have a mature talk with your ex and his wife about the situation. The father and daughter need some one on one time sometimes to work on their relationship.

Answer 4

Unfortunately,this is what happens in split relationships where children are involved.
My daughter has a son from a previous relationship,the law says the father is allowed to see his son as set out in the court orders.When my grandson visits his father,the father and his wife bad mouths my daughter to the child.It is spiteful and the one who is really hurt in the long run is the child,all I can say is that you show your daughter all the love you can give her and do not sink to the father's ways,you will only hurt your daughter by running her father down.
When our grandson comes home from his father and he says my daddy hates you we just say,thats alright but we like your daddy.We do this for his sake.
Even though the court has ordered both parents are not allowed to bad mouth each other to our grandson,it does not work out that way and the step mother can be just as bad.
Love your daughter and bring her up right.

Answer 5

YOU try to talk to hubby and see if he'll see your daughter alone. If the only visit is with step-mom, tell your daughter to put up with her to get to him. Your daughter is jealous and outraged too because someone has "taken" Daddy away. She really will be okay, especially if they're stable--marriage is way more stable than Dad dating someone new every night-- I think if the gf has been around for 11 of 13 years, your daughter is used to this deal and is just unhappy because another woman is in the picture, permanently.

Answer 6

Mmmm... I know all about this situation, I was once in your daughter's place, and my parents split and my father remarried when I was 13 too.

My father acted in very much the same way, and the only thing there was for me to do was to just develop a thicker skin. At first, I wasn't aware of the kind of effect the stepmother's nastiness had on me (because sometimes it was quite subtle), but after awhile, I just ignored her nastiness and reminded myself I was spending time with my father.

My mother always involved my father in important aspects of my life, like education & etc. Sometimes, it hurt deeply when my father, instead of making a decision that would most benefit me, would take the side of the stepmother instead. In instances like that, it really helped a lot that I had my mother whom I could confide in, and usually, she would take my father to task for it. In these instances, my mother was the only source of support & encouragement I had.

Not an ideal way to grow up, but it was the best we could've done in that circumstance, where my father "chose" the other party instead of truly being interested in my welfare. I must admit, I grew up quite a bit of a cynic as a result, but have still managed to retain a slightly romantic outlook at things, despite many bitter experiences.

I think your daughter is old enough to cope with the situation, hurtful as it might be sometimes. And like it or not, the distance between your ex and your daughter will grow bigger because of his actions. I think it's pretty selfish of him, but whatever. He's chosen his life and you & your daughter will just have to move on too.

Be there for your daughter, make her feel she can always rely on you for anything she needs. At times like this, she needs to know she has a rock to hang on to. Good luck.

Answer 7

Tell your husband that she is saying bad things about you to your daughter and that it is upsetting your daughter. Ask that he have his wife keep her opinions about you to herself when your daughter is around. It really sounds like your daughter could use some therapy to deal with this new situation.

Answer 8

She should call if its not apart of a set shcedule, I mean what if there doing the nasty with toys all out, flick on, inebriated. 13 can be a rough age who's your source on talking crap. Your an adult call his new wife and lay out some laws you both agree on, sound happy big smiles.

Answer 9

he should step up to the plate and talk to his wife then his daughter and then together with them and get this worked out.. he needs to tell the wife that this is my daughter and i expect you to treat her with respect and he should tell the daughter she should treat the wife with respect as well.. and put a stop to all the non since... good luck

Answer 10

Tell your daughter that you will do your best to help her. Things may change now & you will see how you can help her. Document each incident and ask her to write down how she feels. If she is scared to go over his house, notify the court. You don't want her to slip thru the cracks and something bad happen because of this female. Good luck!