her life is her friends who are all under 21, she is 23. she doesn't bathe her daughter daily, rarely combs her hair, and almost never brushes her teeth. she has already had to get teeth pulled, capped, and filled and she is only 3. she doesn't work, so she gets food stamps and has to pay nothing for rent. instead of buying food with the food stamps she trades them for other things. she keeps her daughter up all hours, doesn't put her in a car seat, yells at her all the time. once when i asked her what was more important her car or her daughter she said her car! everytime we try to tell her she needs to grow up and get her priorities straight, she storms out and doesn't listen. i don't want to call child services because i know she could be a good mother. i just don't know what to do to make her realize that her child isn't in a healthy situation right now. she needs structure and a happy secure home. what can we do? she doesn't think she is doing anything wrong. please help!
2007-09-03 19:19:13 · 18 answers · asked by GLgirl 2 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Toddler & Preschooler
she doesn't change her clothes daily either. sometimes she is in the same outfit for 4 or 5 days!
2007-09-03 19:19:47 · update #1
something HUGE needs to happen for her to 'see'. i dont want to give examples.
you KNOW that some of the things she is doing is very dangerous to that child.... not to mention ILLEGAL (no car seat). you really need to call someone, whether its CPS or a counselor. you're an 'accomplice' b/c of what you know.
you are wanting to wait for her to become a good mother. something terrible could happen while you're waiting.
.
2007-09-03 19:27:43 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I feel for you because I am in the same boat. My sister has two kids and is pregnant again and she has no idea how to be a real parent. However, I have not hesitated to turn her in to child services and that is what I think you should do. You can do it anonymously and I know you might feel like you are betraying your sister but someone has to be the voice for that child since she cannot make the call herself. Child services does not always just go in and take custody away, they offer parents classes and other resources so that they can learn to be better parents and that might or might not involve taking the child out of the home but either way you will know you did your part to keep that child safe. It may be what your sister needs to force her to wake up and see what she is doing and, if it does not, the child could get a safe and happy home with someone else. Child services usually considers relatives so if you or another relative wanted to take custody of the child, that would be possible too. So, if I were you, I would call them and give them your concerns and what happens after that will depend on your sister but you will know you did right by that child to protect her.
2007-09-03 19:34:16 · answer #2 · answered by girlbomber1 2 · 3⤊ 0⤋
That must be really difficult to see and with her shutting everyone out who tries to offer advice your pretty much helpless. If you feel like your niece is being neglected then calling child services isn't turning against your sister, it will be to help this innocent little girl that needs someone on her side. Unfortunately being a selfish mother isn't violating any laws so they may not do anything about it. But if they hear what you have to say and feel like they need to intervene then they will talk to your sister first. They are not in the business of snatching up kids from their homes. They work with the parents to help them realize what's in the best interested for the child.
Before you do this, you may want to try an intervention that includes as many friends and family members as possible. She will hate it at first but then once you go through the steps she will come around.
Keep your eyes on that precious baby girl and
Good Luck
2007-09-03 19:36:41 · answer #3 · answered by roquerobin2006 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
She's not going to get her act together until it becomes evident that nothing she is doing is working for her life. Some people step up and other's don't. This situation is exactly why I'm pro-choice. That's another matter entirely. If her daughter isn't being cared for then your parents need to step up and ask for guardianship so that she doesn't end up in foster care. If that isn't possible (and if you are older than she is and more stable) you might want to consider taking the responsibility to be there for her daughter.
If none of those sound plausible to you without it causing a huge uproar (which isn't necessarily a horrible thing) I would suggest just being there as much as you possibly can for the child so that she knows at least SOMEONE in her life cares about her.
2007-09-03 19:31:10 · answer #4 · answered by Leigh 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Seriously, if she can't accept the responsibilities of being a mother, a parent she needs to be woken up. The ultimate thing that you could do for your niece even though you may think it not be in your place but it is - is call Child Protective Services. Where do you think your niece will be if you let it be the way that it is in the situation that she is in? It's either she is going to step up to the plate and be the mother she needs to be for her daughter or not. If she chooses not to be that mother - then she needs to be replaced with someone or people who will appropriately take care of her the way she needs to be taken care of. It's mother's like these, I'm sorry, but that I cannot agree more than to say take their kids away from them and give them hope for a stable life to look forward to with people willing to give them that chance.
Extension: I am speaking from a personal note of being within the Department of Human Services of which I was put into the hands of Child Protective Services at the age of 3 yrs. old. my brothers 6, 5, and 2. Now I definitely would not have grown up to be the person I am proud to be if I had stayed in the present situation I was in at that time. Your sister may not act violently towards her daughter, nor abuse drugs or alcohol, but I had that around myself and my brothers too. So, I can say that for my family members to step up to the plate and be able to turn my parents in for their acts the portrayed in those years back I am grateful for that. Just think of how it would be if nothing be done and how it could be if something be done.
Yiannis C: Child Protective Services/Adoption agencies do allow relatives to foster or adopt relatives. I lived with relatives when in foster care.
2007-09-03 19:40:36 · answer #5 · answered by NICOLE P 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Next time she goes out and takes her daughter with her call the cops. Let them bust her for driving without a carseat. That might be the wake up call she needs. They will call child protective services on her, she will have to be investigated. Once she learns that there are no food stamps coming in she might straighten up her act.
Just remember as hard as this might be to do you can very well be saving your neice's life.
2007-09-03 20:05:26 · answer #6 · answered by wondermom 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sooo You are willing to risk the child's life and her future because you "know" she can be a good mom? That's irrational. The sort of damage she is doing to her child is difficult to undo. Either find a family member who can take custody of the child and make her sign the papers or call CPS. Make sure you have a list of dates and times. If they remove the child they are required to look for a family placement first.
2007-09-04 04:40:11 · answer #7 · answered by EC Expert 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm sorry to have to say this but i have been in a similar situation and the only thing you can do is called childrens services on her. It is best for the little girl. Either your sister will open her eyes and choose her daughter or her daughter will be placed in a safer home. You don't even have to give your name when you make the report
2007-09-03 19:31:05 · answer #8 · answered by momof3boys 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
"I don't want to call Child Services because I know she could be a good mother." Lets think about this. You say you're concerned about your niece, you know she's in a horrible situation, not being taken care of, her mother's car is more important to her than her own daughter, & yet you won't call Child Services? It doesn't matter if she COULD be a good mother or not. RIGHT NOW, she's NOT being a good mother. This poor little 3 year old girl is suffering & you're just going to sit back & watch? It doesn't sound to me that you are at all concerned about the child.
2007-09-03 19:30:29 · answer #9 · answered by ARMYwife<3 4 · 6⤊ 2⤋
i think child services should be called. however since you don't want to do that, try and see if she will go to a parenting class with you. it's not fare to the child that this is happening to her. if you dont get your sister to realize the issue at hand here she may end up loosing her daughter.
2007-09-04 02:07:03 · answer #10 · answered by mummiefroggie 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋