Should a 3 year old be punished?..if so how?

Question

My son is overall a great guy,but sometime he throws a big temper..he throws things across the room when he is really mad..I started putting him in the corner for 3 minutes,but my family all say thats unfair,cuz no one punishes us for our mistakes,so i end up feeling bad.WHAT should i do?

Hes turning 3 in a few days!

Answer 1

A toddler that is not punished turns into a child that cannot be controlled AT ALL. It is none of your family's business how you raise your child. A time out is great if it actually works. The family members that don't punish their children will end up visiting them at the local prison when they are older!

Answer 2

Keep doing what you are doing.We don't get punished for our mistakes, but there are consequences. If he can't be safe and treat things nicely then he needs to be removed from that situation for a while. When he comes out of the corner, explain to him what he did wrong and that if he does it again he will need to have some more time sitting out. Once he gets the hang of this you can ask him what he did. My daughter turned three in July and is capable of doing this. Make sure that after it is finished he knows he is loved, it is the behaviour that you don't like, not him. If he is just throwing the tantrum without throwing things, try to ignore it by paying attention to something else. I know it is hard, but he will soon work out that yelling and screaming gets him nowhere.

Answer 3

You need to take action fast before he gets control of you. We have never used time outs or spankings at all because after they're done, they figure they can go back and do it again.
Find a punishment that it productive for you and beneficial for him but will seriously make him think before he does it again.
Whenever he throws something, take his favorite toy away and put it up until he stops.
Your family should keep in mind that as kids, we, you, they all got punished and they really don't know what they're talking about. The difference between us as adults and children as young as 3 years, we do know right from wrong. They get corners or whatever, we get jail time, so yes, adults do get punished.
If no one punishes us for our mistakes that means that everyone sitting in prisons is innocent.
Our boys are 11 and 13 now. We use physical training and extra home work. By the time they're done, they're too tired to give us any crap. But it's been a long time since we've done this to them and they are pretty good kids. The last time we did this was just over 4 years ago.

Answer 4

A time out is fine. But my first reaction would be to hold his little hands and look him in the face and tell him that throwing things is not acceptable. Then tell him what he CAN do to show you he is mad. He needs to be able to vent his anger somehow. We all do. You need to teach him how to do it in a socially acceptable way. It will take time. If you need to put him in a time out first, that's fine, but always follow it up. He needs to know why he was put in a timeout, and what he can do next time instead of what he did. ALSO, you want to discuss with him the reasons he was mad and see if there is a way to resolve the conflict that made him angry in a way that is acceptable to both of you. The problem is in viewing the timeout as a punishment. It needs to be a consequence he knows about (when I throw things across the room, I will have to sit in the corner for 3 minutes), AND it can also be part of an anger management solution. My son is almost 8 and when he gets angry, he can't think straight. He knows that the best thing for him is to go to his room, cool down a bit, then come out and talk to us. So the timeout could also be just as long as it takes for him to be able to talk to you about why he is mad and how you can solve the problem he is having.

We aren't born knowing how to deal with emotional issues, we learn how as we grow up. This is a great opportunity for you to teach your son to deal well with his emotions. Seize the opportunity you are presented!

HTH!

Answer 5

Dont' feel bad. I bet you are a great mother. You can't let your family's criticism stop you from disciplining your child whenever you see fit. You are the parent and the decision should be up to you (and the father if he's in the picture) on how you raise your child(ren).

If I were to throw a shoe b/c I was angry and hit someone in the head with it (not saying that your child is hitting people with the objects he throws), I would be punished by the law for assault. So begin teaching your child right from wrong while he's young b/c there should be consequences for misbehavior. As long as your child is not being abused, no one should dictate how you disciplin your child.

Answer 6

When he does something wrong he should know what happens next. He isn't using self control but he is young and might not be able to control his temper. My great nephew had a bad temper but at 1 he had a tantrum in daycare and stopped in the middle and went to the timeout bench, he knew timeout comes after tantrum not whatever he wanted and didn't get coming after tantrum. At young ages a time out a just long enough to regain control on himself.
Later when he didn't get his way he would say things that weren't allowed like stupid mommy and would get his mouth washed out with soap.
They sent him to anger management classes since he was so angry over minor things.
He is 11 now and a very good boy, his dad had a temper too but controls it and doesn't do inappropriate things when angry.

Answer 7

A naughty corner is perfectly acceptable for a 3.yo., just use it effectively.

Supernanny has great tips on how to use the time out, or naughty corner, so it works:

http://www.supernanny.us.com/Advice.aspx

Never feel guilty about teaching children dicipline. We do get punished all the time, just in more subtle ways. But if adults got away with acting badly we'd have no friends and no job.

Your family is whacked! Be firm and be strong - your #1 job is to raise this young boy to be a good man, and he can't be that if he doesn't learn self-control.

Answer 8

Yes, this is familiar. My boy's pediatrician said that ANY anti-social behavior should be dealt with immediately with an "Obviously you're not feeling well" and isolation in his room by himself. The "time-out rule" is a time-out length of however many years old they are. He's 3 = 3 minutes. Go back into the room, "are you feeling better now" and if the behavior is not improved, another 3 minutes. When his Dr told me this I said "He's going to be in his room ALOT!" and that was OK!

Another rule: ANYTHING that is thrown in anger is THROWN AWAY in the big black trash that the trash man takes! He'll learn that one fast enough. If it turns out to be something you can't part with forever, it goes away for a month. IF his behavior has improved when the month is up, he gets it back. If not, another month.

Things to remember: You're the boss. He isn't a "bad" boy, it's "unacceptable" BEHAVIOR. Reward the good behavior. Isolation BY HIMSELF or at least where he can't see you to see your reaction. He's getting your attention, so you've got to shift it to be a P-O-S-I-T-I-V-E attention instead negative attention.

Good Luck

Answer 9

Do not feel bad, he's going through a stage where he wants what he wants and if you correct him or say no he's gonna get an attitude, and you NEED to teach him that this is not right at a young at or he will continue thinking he can do this when he gets older and take advantage of you. You can do a naughty spot, like a rug or something in a certain room, and if he gets up off of it or throws anything, tell him no and put his butt right back on there for like 5-10 minutes, if he gets back up, don't even say anything just put him back on there and walk away again until he stops getting up and you think he has learned, then when you let him off of his naughty spot tell him why [on his level] he was put there and that he needs to say sorry and give you a hug or something.

As for your family judging how YOU raise YOUR child, don't pay much attention to them, they got there chance to raise you and their children how they wanted to, now you get to raise your child how you want to, it is your child, you are the judge of what you do, unless you are abusing your child or something, you are doing nothing wrong.

EDIT: to the ones who said if it doesn't work you have to spank him, NO YOU DON'T. spanking isn't the greatest and most effective way to punish your child, and can be considered abuse, and is demeaning and embarresing to most children! There are other more effective ways to punish your children that do not involve hitting them!. I'm not judging how you raise your children, and I agree if they run in front of a car or something when they are little they need a spank on the butt, but not throwing a little fit, c'mon!! that's just being lazy and not putting forth the effort and time in trying to find something that works for you and your child!

Anyway, sorry for going on... I hope my answer helped in some way.

Answer 10

i would wait for another one of these incidents and then let him know that if he does it again, he will be punished... take away something he likes (tv, a certain toy, etc.) for a very small amount of time, just to give him the feelin of what bein punished is like. for example, lets say he has an incident and afterwards, u tell him why it is wrong and u tell him that he cannot do that any more. if it happens again, remind him about the last time and take away a privalege (tv etc) for a few minutes. i would stay with him during the 'punishment'. once he gets older u can stick him in the corner, but at such a young age, i think its a little excessive to put him in a corner by himself.

Answer 11

You are doing the right thing. A child needs to be taught and guided to give them a good life. For your family to say its unfair is ridiculous what planet are they living on. Do what you feel is right in guiding your child to teach them right from wrong. I'm sure your family would soon start moaning if your son through something at them, injured them and you did nothing.