Pre-Nup or Dump?

Question

I need your input!

My girlfriend of 6 years and I are planning to marry. Last year my grandfather died. He and I were very close. Being the only grandchild I was given the family business, tons of property and his estate. I sold the property and business and became a multi millionaire in just days. Before dying my grandfather said to invest the money and property to which I would recieve.

My girlfriend since this time has quit her job and is trying to convience me to sell off the estate and cash out most of my investments. She keeps saying "our" money. I did what my grandfather wanted me to do and live off the intrest of $5,000 a month. The wedding went from $10,000 to almost $50,000 and its still going up. I want to go back to school and live on this budget, but my g/f says I'm being stingy and not to worry because I have enough money.

This is getting old fast! Should I dump her (which I really don't want to do) or get over it and have her sign a pre-nup??

Answer 1

You should probably get counseling as someone else has mentioned. She is thinking of your future with that money and you are being more realistic in what you need to get done and still have a comfortable living in the future. Five thousand a month isn't stingy if she's not working and doesn't appear to want to be contributing to the household. You need to have a more in tune idea of how money should be spent--counseling could help this out immensely--instead of what you have now. Of course you may figure out that she's more materialistic than you knew which goes to the dump her option. Regardless you need to meet with a lawyer about a pre-nup--I'd happily sign one just to alleviate concerns about me wanting the money that I did nothing to contribute to having--and potentially a financial planner. Good luck.

Answer 2

Go for the pre-nup and then some. Call it something else. A lady who is blithely spends a years' income on a single party is not a lady with a lot of self control in the budget department. The gentleman who can be sweet talked (or otherwise persueded) into allowing this to happen ALSO has a self control problem.

Arrange your financial matters in such a way that neither your fiance NOR YOU can touch the principle, and perhaps even somewhat less than 100% of the interest. Present it in the form of (1) insistance that the cost of the wedding be "repaid" (2) funds be set aside for any children you may have (3) retirement savings be established (4) taxes be avoided.

You and your intended should very carefully go over what each expects from married life. If your plan is to return to school followed by full time employment, and her plan is to live a life of luxurious leisure and world class shopping -- you have trouble ahead.

Answer 3

Unfortunately, money corrupts and brings out the worst in some people. Your girlfriend has dollar signs $ for eyeballs right now and I think you should not be pushed and manipulated into selling out your investments. This sounds like your inheritance has brought out the worst in her and you should seriously think about doing a pre-nup as once you marry her, she will can get part of your estate if you divorce. So protect yourself. If you mention a prenup and she balks, gets insulted and starts a fight, this is a warning light and I would cancel the wedding, dump her and move on. If you meet someone else in the future, I would not tell this person your personal business. It is not a good idea. Just be aware and don't be pushed into doing something you are against with your money.

Answer 4

Hmmm. If you do marry her, it will be both of your money. Maybe of you are worried about her spending so much, just tell her that just because there is the money does not mean you/she has to spend it all the time. It's not being stingy, it's being responsible. When people get a lot of money all of a sudder, their first thought much of the time is to spend it. It's good you're thinking about keeping the money for your future.
Just talk to her. You have been with her for 6 years. If you really want to marry her then have a talk. She will understand. Don't dump her over something silly like this. If she has been with you this long, she is not after money. If you ask her to sign a pre-nup, she might feel like you don't trust her after all this time. But if it will make you feel better, you could ask nicely. Good luck.

Answer 5

Not to be mean, but she sounds like a money-hungry gold digger. I think that if that happened to my fiance- I'd invest in a nice house, and nice vehicles and get out of debt. After, that, I wouldn't be lavishly spending money left and right. You need to save for the future for your retirement and children, etc. If you spend 50,000 on a wedding, you're going to get used to that lifestyle and you're money is going to be gone quick. If she doesn't respect a reasonable budget for your income, then leave her. I'm sure her feelings were real in the beginning, but don't the her lose sight because of the money. Even rich people have budgets. How do you think they stay so rich? Celebrites always have income coming in from products, etc. Yours is just a one-time thing. You need to have a serious talk and explain this to her.

Secondly, I don't think she is going to sign a pre-nup. Even if she says she will now, I bet you ANYTHING that will change. If she wants a 50,000 dollar wedding, she wants more after the wedding. I think if you really want to marry her, then you need to get a pre-nup in this instance, and I usually don't like pre-nups. If she won't do it, then leave her.

If I had to give you my full advice, I would tell you that I think you should think long and hard before you follow through marrying this woman.

Answer 6

this money is rightfully yours, and your girlfriend has no say in what you choose to do. i would tell limit your wedding budget, because you don't want to regret spending 50k on a selfish woman who is after your wealth if it doesn't work out. l

look at it this way- what would your grandfather want you to do. you are a lucky person to be given what you have. you are doing right by not blowing it all right away, and following his wishes. i think you have an excellent head on your shoulders, and really should follow your heart.

when money comes in the picture, people's true colors show through. maybe you should tell your girlfriend that you want to have a small inexpensive wedding, and then donate the money you would have spent to charity, or something along those lines. see what her reaction is. if you don't like the person she becomes when you bring that up, imagine how much worse it is going to get. your girlfriend should be working, she is fully capable of earning her own way in the world, and you don't have children to stay at home with (which is an understandable reason to quit her job), so you are basically letting her mooch and most likely spend quite a bit of your money. do with it how you choose. if you don't care that she doesn't work, stick to your budget, and only splurge if YOU want to. any case, i would say PRE-NUP all the way, that is if you still want to marry a possible gold digger.

good luck, i think if you listen to your heart, and put her through a few money related tests (tell her you lost the investments and are totally broke lol), you will know what to do. Finish school, travel the world, chase YOUR dreams, keep her with you, or not......if she loves you, she will support what ever YOU choose to do with your grandfathers fortune.

you are one lucky man, and hopefully she knows it's because you had a grandfather that you loved and he loved you...and not for his money...that is what really matters!

Answer 7

Dump her. You said you really want to do that and there's a reason why you said that. Plus, she keeps referring to your money as "our" money. It's not "OUR" money yet and it really shouldn't be. The fact that she quit her job indicates that she is betting on being married to a millionaire and not having to work at all. So, she's presuming alot here. You should invest the money otherwise you'll end up blowing it all. Going to school is a smart thing. You should major in finance so you can become a little more savvy with your own cash. If you do decide to get married, you need to have this woman sign a prenup so you don't get taken. Be careful!!!!!

Answer 8

I'd say sign a prenup.

If she has a problem with a prenup, I'd walk away. QUICKLY.

Tell her to get a job as well. Just because you have a lot of money does not mean that she does not have to work anymore.

Express your concerns to her, she sounds like she doesn't realize that money will eventually run out and it will be hard getting a job if she hasn't had one for quite some time.

I'd be PISSED if my fiance quit his job because my relative gave me that much money.

Tell your fiance you are budgeting the wedding for NO MORE than $20,000 and to start cutting back NOW.

Frankly, with her total change in behavior when she found out how much you got, I'd get a prenup and somehow make sure she can't touch a dime of that money no matter what happens to your, or run as far as you can from her.

Answer 9

I would consult with your fiancial planner, and possibly a financial/estate/family law attorney on this. I am very concerned with your girlfriend's actions on this. While I agree that in a marriage, money is not "mine" but rather "ours," I don't think that applies in the cases of family bequests. I think in that case, the money that your grandfather has left you is YOURS, and inviolate. I would not feel comfortable, as your fiancee, feeling that money was "mine" or "ours." I would look at it as being "your" money. If I benefitted from that money in any way, it would be any children I have with you benefitting from it. Period. I'm also very concerned she's wanting you to cash out your investments, and that the wedding budget is skyrocketing out of control. YOU need to put the brakes on that one, quickly. Determine a budget, and stick to it. If she can't do that, then you've got a huge red flag there, and you have to decide if you can live with someone who cannot manage the family's resources. Remember, one of the main reasons people divorce is over money issues, so this is a biggie that needs to be resolved BEFORE you meet her at the end of an aisle. Best of luck to you both.

Answer 10

Well you are still not married so it still is YOUR money!! DUH!! You should have her sign a pre-nup I wouldn't care! A lot of people take advantage of men and women who have a lot of money. If you really love someone that wouldn't matter.

About the wedding budget there should still be a budget. Things could still get out of hand and you should still put your good down and let her know what the limits are. So what if there is money, You still need it for an education even though she doesn't want to do anything for herself!

You shouldn't of said anything about the money...everything goes downhill...this shows peoples true colors!! YIKES!