my dad died when i was 9?

Question

well heres the deal my dad died when i was 9 i am now 14 n i never cryed about it tell 2 days ago its like it just hit me that i dont have a father yet i knew it the whole time can u plz help me i feel like crap n i miss my dad.

Answer 1

Now that you have absorbed and are ready to deal with your father's death, seek professional counseling to help you through. You are becoming a young man at an age when fathers become important role models for their sons. Is there someone in your family who could try to fulfill this role for you, that you feel close to? Sorry for your loss. I grew up without my dad, too, due to death, but I'm a girl.

Answer 2

I'm really sorry to read about this. My children lost their dad when they were 2, 3 and 5 years old. This was six years ago. Like you only recently my 9 year old who was 3 at the time started to get very upset and angry over the loss of her dad. My girls were all a little young to understand things when their dad died, but now I think they realise what they're missing. Maybe it's the same with you, they have gone to counselling, which didn't help my eldest as she likes to keep things to herself, but I feel it is helping the other two girls. I feel this may be because they are discussing how they feel with someone out of the family circle, who can help them come to terms. Would this be a possibility for you. We arranged this through out doctor. p.s. the counsellor did say that when the girls get into their teens they may start to feel things a bit stronger. Hope this helps, although I'm guessing you won't think anything will. I know what it's like to see children suffering through this. I'm so sorry.

Answer 3

My dad died when i was 11,now i'm 28 and have my own kids and have started to realise that my life would be very different had he been here now. I guess you'll be thinking how unfair it all is and out of all the horrible people in the world why did it have to happen to him. Take comfort in the fact you had such a lovely father for just a short time,then an uncaring one for a long time. You'll grow up in a different way and have to be supportive to your mum,you'll turn into a confident and brave man due to all the things you've been through and will go through without him. Try and live your life with a goal to what would of made him proud. He'll be with you every step looking out for you. Good luck.x

Answer 4

Hi beach*boy - the same thing happened to me. My dad died when I was nine, and while I cried upon being initially told, I then showed no emotion until I was 13 when things just hit me and I had a break down of sorts. I am 23 now, and only went to get help a couple of years ago when I was 21, when I should have been speaking about this years ago to someone.

The best thing for you to do is to talk to someone about the way you feel - do you have an older sibling that you trust to talk to, or maybe your mom, or another family member. Talking really helps with this sort of thing, another option is to talk to a counselor - if you have a school counselor or even a school teacher.
Don't ever think your alone and bottle up your emotions, cause trust me your not.

Answer 5

Hi there, of course you miss your Dad, you have missed him for 5 years, but now you are emotionally more mature that it feels like you lost him yesterday. There's no time limit on grief and no right or wrong way to grieve, everyone is different. I don't know what your relationship is like with your mum but I would urge you to talk to her. I have a son and if I thought he was going through something like this I would hope and pray that he would come to me and talk to me, if I was your Mum it would break my heart in 2 to hear you so upset. If you think that you might upset her by talking about your Dad you won't. 14 is a tough enough age without such a huge trauma and you need to speak to someone, if for whatever reason you can't talk to your mum, maybe an Aunt or someone in your Dads family, even a teacher at school. One of the mistakes we make when we lose someone is that we don't speak of that person, you should talk about your Dad, visit his grave, tell him stuff, talk to him in your head or at night before you go to sleep, don't lock him or the memories away, think about the fun times you had and how secure you felt, those memories are real like your Dad. I really hope this helps you and I wish you well.

Answer 6

Its totally normal to have a delayed response. Can you talk to your mom, a sibling, grandparent, aunt or uncle? Or even a close friend? Sometimes these feeling just need to be talked out so you can work past them and get to a place where your feelings about your dad are more positive. You will always miss him and regret that he had to go so soon but I really believe that he is still "around" and somehow keeping an eye on you. Best of Luck.

Answer 7

I've had the same situation. I left my father in my home country and moved to United States. I know how it feels. But think about it this way. You are the man of your family and gotta be strong and supporting. That's a great responsibility. Now, beside this sad feeling you have there is a problem that you'll need someone to help you learn how to be a man. For that what I'm doing is I'm looking at greatest men I see around and learn from them. One of them is my crewing instructor. I learn courage from him.
By the way sorry for your dad. ;)

Answer 8

You have my sympathy. Well, at least your feelings finally came to the surface, now you can grieve normally. Of course you feel horrible, if you didn't feel it at the time and feel it now. I think children sometimes have delayed grieving like this, because they don't have the maturity to process the loss when it happens. But it's something you have to go through.
Try to remember everything you can about your dad, especially the fun things and the good times. Don't hold your feelings in too much, but try to keep to your normal routine as much as you can. This is how you integrate your feelings of love and loss into the rest of your life. In time, this experience will give you greater depth as a person.

Answer 9

sometimes when your young it can take a while for things like the loss of a family member to hit you. it took me a while to except my dad had died. for you its taken a few years. the best way of dealing with it is to remember the good times as best you can. your feelings are normal and in time you will be able to think about your memories of your dad and it will make you smile.

Answer 10

i'm sorry to hear about your dad. i know that you might be freaking out about the fact that it's just now hitting you 5 years later. don't worry, it's totally normal. i lost my mom when i was six, i'm now twenty. the first time it really hit me was when i was 15. i was at a friends birthday party, and just watching how she and her mother were with each other, even the fact that her mother was embarrassing her with baby stories, made me realize that i would never have that in my life. the longer i sat there seeing her with her family, the more sad i got until i burst out crying, unable to hold it in any longer.while the pain will never completely go away, just kinda fade into the background into a bittersweet kind of pain, it does get way easier to deal with, trust me. what helped me was simply talking about my mother with others who knew her. looking at pictures of us together and going over long forgotten memories of her.