Fulfill my dreams or my mothers?

Question

My parents, or more so my mother, basically want their children to be doctors that are wealthy and successful and will return to Vietnam to deliver salvation for all the sick and orphaned children and people. Its not like I don't want to help people, but I've dreamt of other things.

My oldest sister is an architect major. They guilt her often that she may be following her dreams but they always tell her she won't find any work. This irritates me.
My second sister just left for a liberal arts college in Pennsylvania [swarthmore!]. The very fact that they ahve pressured her so much to use her ridiculous brains to be a doctor made her not want to.
My brother is a junior in high school and is lazy. He is smart as hell but lazy. He doesn't want to be a doctor and is interested in technology.
And woe is me--I'm the last child. I'm the youngest of four and therefore obliged to fulfill my parent's dreams.

*question/rant continues*

I've dreamt of being a vet since i was 7. I even read veterinary manuals and applied and was rejected to volunteer at hospitals several times because i was so intent. My parents were really against this, and my mom acted like it would break her heart if i became a vet. So i abandoned the notion.

My second huge dream is to become a journalist and writer. I really love writing. I want to help people, and I know being a doctor is a great job, but I really don't watn to do it. Its sort of ridiculous but whenever my mom chides me about it i end up crying for like an hour.

And since my sister left for the east coast [we're in CA] she's been pressuring me not to 'move away and leave her too.' I want to make my mom happy, but I fear it might make me even more depressed. What do I do?

My parents were immigrants who had neither the education nor the money to fulfill their own dreams. They gave up theirs.

:/ I'm not blaming my parents. The reason why I feel so guilty about it is because my parents already have a lot of troubles on their minds....

Answer 1

Follow your own dreams. How completely selfish of your parents (mom) to want you to follow their dreams. You have one life to live for yourself. Dare to live it to your own wonderful expectations and desires. Become a Vet if that is your dream, you can also be a writer too. You cannot and must not live your life for anyone except yourself and eventually a family if you desire to have one. Be strong as you are the "baby" of the family and most often the youngest children want to please their parents out of loyalty. It is misguided loyalty. You need to belong to yourself. Your obligation in life is to yourself and your passions.

No ill will is meant in my post towards your misguided parents. I am just being honest. I myself am a mom to an only child and I will always want her to follow her own dreams and desires. Sometimes we parents do not realize the mistakes we make or the pressures we put on our children, thinking we are doing what is best by them. You are old enough to think for yourself. Be strong and stay your own course. Bless You.

Answer 2

Maria, you ask the most interesting questions! I once had a dream of visiting 35 countries, XD and that dream is almost fulfilled, except for a few countries that are not very safe( I have 3 more to go)! I also had another dream, well more like a wish, my husband was very sick a couple of years ago, my wish, my dream was to have enough time to make it to Spain from the US to at least say good buy to him, but it didn't happen, Allah took him with him bfr my arrival, so, I guess not all dreams get fulfilled, Allah knows why...

Answer 3

You are not obligated to fulfill anyones dreams but your own. Don't be shamed into doing something that you don't want to do. To be good at anything, your heart has to be in it as well.

Don't be to hard on your parents though. Your parents are proud people from a very old and strict culture. They came to this country searching for a better life and better opportunities for you and your siblings. That does not mean they do not care about where they came from. They want you to care about Vietnam as much as they do. They may give you the perception that you will shame your family if you do not do as they would like, but you know in your heart that they would be proud of you if you are successful in whatever you do. Don't fault them just because they had dreams for you and your siblings. All parents do. Different cultures deal with this in their own ways. You need to keep in mind that due to the fact that you were raised here, you are more American than Vietnamese. Your parents are the other way around. Because they are older, it is harder for them to see that.

You mentioned you are also considering journalism. You know you can help people in Vietnam through your writing just as much as you can by being a doctor. Search your heart and let it guide your decisions. America is truly the land of opportunity and you can use the opportunities you have here to benefit yourself, your family, your country and your homeland.

Answer 4

Let them know you are seriously considering the medical field and will 'specialize' after a couple of college years. This is not a lie to either your parents or yourself. Afterall, you may decide to go a different medical direction when you are actually in medical college, anyway. Until then, keep your dreams and verbally stick with being a Doctor in a 'general' medical profession. (You have to be one before continuing your schooling for a vet anyway.) Just don't commit or promise to go back to homeland for your career. I'm still trying to honor a promise I made to my Dad before he died which put my dreams on hold & will never see them happen now. Don't make promises you may regret keeping. Stay with the truth; just generalize the answer for now.

My niece stated since she was in grade school of being an RN same as her mom. In high school, she stated she will definitely be an Allergist. After a couple of college years, changed her mind to Lab Tech. She ended up with a PhD and as a top Physical Therapist.

Answer 5

[edit] - "My parents were immigrants who had neither the education nor the money to fulfill their own dreams. They gave up theirs."

& look how upset it made them! now they are trying to dictate their children's dreams to them.

my grandparents were immigrants as well, yet they opened up several very successful restaurants by working their butts off as soon as they got off the boat. they also never, EVER tried to tell my parents what their dreams should be, besides ensuring that they had careers that were worth something (not just a fry cook at McDonalds as a career...).

They should understand the pain and sadness that comes along with giving up your dreams and allow you to pursue yours before you end up having to push a vet/writing career on your own children in the future.


I'm not sure how old you are, but as you grow and go through school, cultivate and develop your interests.

If you end up wanting to be a doctor, do so.
If not, don't.

Never compromise your dreams to make others happy - even if those people are your parents.

At the very least, try to find a way that the profession you end up in can help people in your homeland.

Answer 6

Being a vet is being a doctor. And you have to be able to make the farm animals well in order for them to feed people. There is a whole range of knowledge in animal husbandry. Not to mention that diseases in animals often transfer to humans.

Journalism is writing, and that is an excellent way to get grant money for clinics. You have to be able to communicate what is needed in order to receive it.

Your parents have harped on what they want so much that they have turned their kids against them. The guilt and all that is totally counter-productive.
Go become a vet. Make the animals well.

Answer 7

Fulfill YOUR dreams. You are not obliged to fulfill your parents' dreams...you need to do what is right for you. You'll be miserable doing anything else. I think a veterinarian career is a challenging and worthwhile choice, and one that would offer you good money. I'd definitely go for that, especially since you have such a passion for it. You might even be able to do your writing on the side.

Answer 8

I'd rather fulfill my dreams. I think being a vet is excellent! I luv helping animals out! Well helping all the sick ppl in Vietnam is nice, but I'm pretty sure many more ppl are doing that now.
I'm going to follow my dream. I feel that if I don't, I'm going to regret that in the future.

Answer 9

Your Parents do not let their own Kids make up their minds on what they want out of Life, if as you say you are the last at Home, and you do not want to become a doctor, than don't, it is your Life and they are not going to live it for you, if somehow you make a mistake on anything they should be there for you to give you Moral support. God forbid if I made the decisions on my Kids Lives, I was here for them and if they were having problems at School or with their choices of careers, I was there for them but did not made any decisions for them, it was their Lives, and it had to be their decisions too. so, I think that you have to make them realize that you are the one who will decide what you want to do with your Life, and mean it. God Bless.

Answer 10

Who's living your life, you or your mother? It's noble to want to fulfill her dreams and the plans she had for you, but you'll have to live with yourself and what you're doing for the rest of your life, and if you're not persuing your own dreams and doing something that truly interests you and makes you happy, it simply won't be worth it.

Besides, would it really make her happy in the end to see you doing something that makes you UNhappy? Something you're not truly passionate about? I think, when she comes to her senses, she'll realize that you know where you belong in the working world, and she'll support you because it puts a smile on your face. Who care's about the money in your pocket?

Happiness is the purpose of life, and you need to live it how YOU want to. If you and your mom don't see eye to eye, in the end, it's still your choice. Listen to your heart. Besides... a veterinarian IS a doctor! =)

Follow your dreams. =) I wish you the best of luck!!