I am 26 and still live at home. I pay for 40% of the family's bills. I am a vocal music teacher at a junior high school. I have a sister who is 22. My parents wants me to spend more time with them and talk about my life & my problems. Growing up as a teenager, I never really got along with my parents with my family because me and my sister fought constantly and all my parents did was favor her and said I was always wrong by not giving in to the little sister. They never understood who I was and felt that I hated them but I actually love them. I am embarrassed to talk to them about my problems now because I feel I am too old to. My sister is 22 and doesn't talk to them about her problems. If I talk to them, I feel I am more dependent than her. That is not right. In a family, the youngest is suppose to talk to the parents more than the oldest, right? I feel guilty about not talking to my parents, but I want to feel more independent than my sister. What I can do? Am I wrong?
2007-09-03 16:10:12 · 18 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
You choose who you talk to and who you dont talk to. Dont let them bully you. Personally I think you should move out and get your own place. Independence will help you gain confidence. You are old enough you should have known the answer to your question but living with them is clouding your thinking.
2007-09-03 16:17:30 · answer #1 · answered by Dovahkiin 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
First of all, stop feeling guilty because guilt is not going to make things better. It is your right not to tell your parents if you have a problem. However, there is no such thing as being too old to talk to your parents if you have a problem. You are not dependent to your parents if you tell them your problem. You are if you let them make the decision of how the problem should be solved for you. When you tell your problem, you're only asking for their opinion, but it is still up to you to make the decision.
Perhaps if you let your parents in your life, I mean spend some time with them once in awhile (starts with once a month, then gradually moves to twice a month, etc) so that not only this will give them a chance to get to know the real you and what you want, but you will also give you a chance to understand why your parents are the way they are.
Your sister do not talk to your parents because this is the example she sees in you, the oldest. The oldest sibling should set an example for the younger ones to follow; you are the role model. Talk to your sister about this and see what she thinks; learn to be open to one another. If you want to have a good relationship with your parents, why not team up together and make it a goal to have a good relationship with parents.
REMEMBER: no one knows your family better than you do so do what you feel is right to change the things you don't like...I know you can...communication is the key!! ;)
(I understand how you feel because I'm a nurse, almost turning 26 and still lives with my parents and my younger sibling).
good luck.
2007-09-03 16:32:52 · answer #2 · answered by boggle 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, youre not wrong. You are finding your own way in life. You are a born leader, you probably give off Leadership vibes and I feel that your parents are intimidated by you and the little sister wants to break down that intimidating role that you convey and get into your mind and have a more affectionate relationship. Why dont u try another approach. Take little sis to meet co-workers and friends, hang out with lil sis and take her little azz for some ice cream and maybe out to a fun park. Interact with her and then u guys can come home and tell mom and dad about all the fun you had and that can be a start to bonding the family. You are cement to the family since youre the leader..... bridge the gap and stop being stubborn
2007-09-03 16:17:30 · answer #3 · answered by lamont s 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Your not doing anything wrong. I go through the same things with my parents, so your not alone. I dont know what your spiritual standing is but prayer works. Tell God how you feel, and ask him why are things the way they are. He will show you and give you peace and guidance. But, you have to believe he will do these things. Parents dont need to know everything because you are a grown woman and you have your own life to live. If you cant come to them by now, then its not your fault. Im sorry to say... but its theirs. They should have established a relationship with you while you were younger instead of making it harder on you to come to them. Children are can to talk to their parents no matter the age(if your comfortable ). We all have shortcomings in life and have hard troubles. If you cant talk to your parents also try talking to a friend or boyfriend along with talking to god. At least with God your feelings can trusted and he can help you get out of those troubles. Rather than talking to someone who cant help you. I hope all is well... God bless.
2007-09-03 16:27:18 · answer #4 · answered by Johnnika C 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, you're not wrong in not sharing your problems with anyone. Your private life is just that, private. If you are already paying 40% of the bills, it sounds like you can afford to live on your own and be more independent if you want. Of course you need to show respect to your parents, but you are an adult and they need to respect you too. By making a life of your own this will help earn that respect. Sometimes parents have a hard time letting go and seeing their children as adults. Sounds like you need more space - I think it would help to consider getting your own place.
2007-09-03 16:18:30 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are experiencing a really unnatural state living there with your folks. Being fully an adult and yet living as a child in a sense. No, you do not need to be talking to them about your problems and don't need to feel guilty about it. You are an adult and the real problem is that you have not forged a life of your own. I understand economic considerations, but you really need to get out on your own at this point. It will help you see things in a perspective that is impossible living with your folks.
2007-09-03 16:17:38 · answer #6 · answered by CB 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
hey girl....i talk to my mom about my problems, what better than experience and family to give you some good advice. Siblings will always have problems, don't feel like you should compete with her, let her do her thing and you do yours. So if you feel that you might be able to talk to you parents about "some" problems, to bring them closer, then do it (don't tell them EVERYTHING if you don't want to, but just enough to have them bite). There is also another choice if you feel that you have been a bit distant and want to keep things to yourself then you might consider moving out and doing your own thing....being away always brings family closer. good luck
2007-09-03 16:19:09 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
There's no rules as far as sharing information about what's going on in your world just remember parents are given the gift of comforting there children. At 26 start preparing to test the waters and move out on your on it helps to add the final touches to womanhood.
2007-09-03 16:22:12 · answer #8 · answered by ylife 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's not wrong to not talk to your parents about your problems. However you can understand their point of view that they want to understand what's happening in their children's lives. So maybe give them a short little story just to make them feel in the 'loop'.
2007-09-03 16:19:00 · answer #9 · answered by Austrian Theorist 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
if you are 26 you need to find you own place and be independant of them. even if you dont live with them you will always be the daughter. and if you step back perhaps alot of the tension in the home will be evened out. good luck.
you dont really say what problems you are not telling them about. perhaps it is all just tension?
2007-09-03 16:19:20 · answer #10 · answered by Mary D 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋