Co-worker died, his wife has fibromyalgia? Suggestions on comforting her?

Question

A co-worker just died and several people recommended offering a hug to the wife of the deceased. Unfortunately, I know that she has fibromyalgia so physical contact is extremely painful. She does not know that we know this (her late husband told us a few weeks ago).

Any suggestions? What is an appropriate way to show sympathy in a case like this, when you don't want to put the person in pain?

Answer 1

As a sufferer of fibro myself, along with rheumatoid arthritis and palindromic rheumatism, I can verify that pain abounds with even the slightest, most well meaning touch. However, in a time like this, physical comfort is as necessary as that which is spiritual.

I would gently pat her hand or shoulder. If you are comfortable with it, you might ask if you may give her a light hug. She probably won't refuse this.

On a different note, may I add that fibro is nothing to be ashamed of, and this woman may welcome a chance to discuss her disease should you decide to ask about it.

It's a frustrating illness, and now that she's lost her husband, she has probably also lost her shoulder to cry on. There are many days when having someone to talk to means the absolute world.

Being there to listen, offering to help with tasks that her husband would normally do--or arranging for someone to do them--would mean a lot to her. Sometimes taking the garbage to the curb is an overwhelming task for me, but no one ever offers to do this.

People don't think about the little things, and they certainly do add up over time. She would probably appreciate any assistance, but don't make it a personal mission or you would feel overwhelmed. That's where enlisting the aid of others comes in.

You are a thoughtful, caring person, and this world could use a few more like you. Big hugs to you, my friend. ((((((((Searcher))))))))

Answer 2

Tell her how much her husband meant to you and all of the positive things he did at work and for his coworkers. Sometimes words can be more powerful than physical contact. Also a sympathy card would be nice because it could express so much an add comfort for the wife.

I'm so glad that you understand Fibromyalgia and how much it hurts to be physically touched. So few people really understand this condition. I'm sure that the wife will appreciate your kind words.

Answer 3

The bad news are that when your wife tells you that she has feelings for someone else, it's cheating already. The good news are that she's at least honest with you. I suggest you talk to her and tell her to remember she's married, with 4 kids and the other guy is married too. If she doesn't stop this and act like a married woman should, then she's not worth it. Do you really want a cheater as your wife? And do you want your children to grow up with this rolemodel? Think about it. If she doesn't stop what she's doing immediately, let her go, they deserve eachother apparently.

Answer 4

I would gently touch her shoulder and let her know you care. Hugs can be painful, but a gentle touch will not. Offering to help her in daily duties would be more helpful as well. Be there for her to talk, help her with whatever she needs. She needs emotional comfort as well. I just lost my mom and hugs are painful for me too, but if someone just lets me know they care, it is easier. Take her hand and let her know you are there. The gentle touch seems to be the best.

Answer 5

You can hug her; just do it lightly. Sometimes they would much rather go through the pain than feel like no one cares.
Usually it affects joints such as the hands; elbows, knees; ect.

Answer 6

http://www.fibromyalgiasource.com has lots of information about Fibromyalgia and may be able to provide you with some information.